What am I supposed to do, just sit here and pretend it's okay!? It's not, it's --

[ he manages to stop himself there, at least, and just. sighs, scrubbing his face with his hand. ]

-- sorry. Sorry. Fuck, I'd rather you be pissed at me, at least I'm right here, I just - [ it's not just whatever bullshit force is pulling these memories, or even pulling them out to experience it, it's not what hurt her friends (his friends, too), but it's something to be angry at and god does he get what it means to be angry.

he takes another breath and scrubs his face, harder, leaving it there. ]