[Catra has felt so many emotions during the trial that she's just. . . numb. numb and empty and exhausted. she's played Adora's corpse flat against a few pushed-together desks, and she herself is sitting in a corner of the room, gaze trained at a window as her tail flicks behind her]
[she looks. . . well. like a mess. tear-stained and ruffled from her fight with Claude]
[but even so. . .]
[. . . when she hears Iris's voice, she looks up and over at her. she sees the extended hands, and--]
[she's - not sure what to do in this situation? it's hard for her to really articulate. but she'll regardless immediately go to slowly approach catra's corner of the room and if she's not met with too much aggression, she'll immediately kneel down in front of her. her fingers are curled gently into her palms, and it's so clear that she wants to reach out - that she wants to provide comfort even in a situation where there's hardly any
but seeing catra so upset brings a few more tears to her eyes even as she tries so hard to blink them away]
... I'm here - I'm sorry I didn't ask permission, I just...
iris hugs her back without hesitation, holds her close, curls around her as if to shield and protect her from anything else that might come to hurt her. her despair and outrage are still steady, but they disappear underneath the wave of protectiveness, of how intensely iris would do anything if it meant keep catra safe.
she's careful, slow as she rubs her back, trying to soothe her even if it feels like there's nothing she can say]
[. . . Catra's emotions are starting to peek out again, her own grief and guilt and sorrow bubbling to the surface. she sucks in a sharp breath, but the corners of her eyes sting with familiar tears, her chest tight]
[she starts crying, leaning into that protectiveness as much as she can, because-- even though she doesn't think she deserves it, it. . .]
[as catra starts crying - it's hard for iris to resist. she holds catra closer, rubbing her back and pressing her face into her hair. tears prick at the edges of her eyes until they fall in small, small droplets like she's still trying to hold back. but it feels like her heart is breaking on catra's behalf.
the protectiveness does not fade - it remains. so angry on her behalf, so desperate to try to keep her safe.
she kisses catra's hair even as she tries to rock her gently]
[and Catra shakes her head, as though trying her best to shove those words aside, as though she knows she doesn't deserve them. even so, she continues to cling]
[she manages to choke out a strained--]
Why? I'm not a good person, Iris.
I have never been a good person.
[and even though she was trying to be otherwise, she has wholeheartedly failed]
[the funny thing about iris' protectiveness is that it not only applies to people on the outside who might hurt those who belong to her - but she won't stand for any of this self-deprecating talk either. the defensiveness flares, and there's a flash of stubbornness.]
I don't want you to be anyone other than you, Catra.
In a situation like this - there is no such thing as a good person or a bad person. We are all only people trying to hold onto our ideals and protect what matters to us.
[and - maybe that applies a little to herself too.]
[a moment's pause, and Catra draws back, one hand still resting on Iris's shoulder. she wipes at her face, scrubbing away the dampness that lines the fur on her cheeks]
I don't know. For some reason, when you say it-- I can kind of believe it.
. . . I guess.
[even though things really do feel hopeless right now]
[iris sniffs - and there's a sad little laugh from her, even as she reaches to gently brush away catra's tear tracks with her own thumb. nevermind that there's tears trailing from her own eyes too. she smiles and - the feeling is so sad, still so heartachingly sad, but there is still -
there's still hope. there's still determination. there's this certainty that she will hold onto for the both of them.]
I told you I don't fail, didn't I? I don't let myself be defeated and so -
I... I'm going to take care of you. I'll find my way to you again and... it might be a little scary, and it - it might hurt before it's over. [because iris doesn't know what tomorrow brings - doesn't know if she can hope that catra will make it through execution or give false promises] But it won't be the end, so don't give up no matter what.
It won't be the end until I get you - both of you - back. I promise. I won't let you disappear.
[ . . . . as long as people need her, she can be steady. as long as there are people resting their hopes on her, she has no choice but to succeed. being able to receive catra's trust even in this moment - iris takes in a deep breath, and she sighs it out with gratitude. she continues to hold onto her, still desperate as if that hope will be enough to get her to stay.
but.]
... I'll do it. You, Adora, Crow, Rupert, Kaoruko, Mollymauk, everyone on the other side and this one -
We're going to find a way out of this, and then we're going to make this ridiculous system pay. Just... Just wait for me, okay?
[she's determined, she's angry, and she's so full of grief that it threatens to overwhelm her - but even then she refuses to bend. not when catra is counting on her.]
[a quiet nod in response to that, followed by a sharp inhale of breath. her emotions are a whirlwind again, but this time. . . it's not despair, nor loss, nor pain]
[it's the hope she managed to glean from Iris. the strength she felt from her caring and determined dorm head, that she's trying to emanate. an extremely large helping of fondness and admiration. she still doesn't know if she deserves this level of protectiveness and affection, but. . .]
[if Iris is giving it to her, if she's sitting here after everything Catra has done and promising her that things will be okay, then. . . she'll believe it. just this once. she'll let herself believe it]
[there are no more words, really. so Catra pitches forward and rests her head against Iris's shoulder, allowing the tension of the trial, of the past five weeks, of everything to slowly melt away]
[tomorrow is going to be scary. iris knows that well. she'll have to do nothing more than sit, and watch, when catra is out on that field fighting for her life - and whoever is going to be out there with her. but for now, she's right here. she's not going anywhere, for better or worse, and they're together.
so she'll hold onto catra when she pitches forward, rubbing her back and pressing a kiss to the side of her head, fierce feelings of protectiveness and adoration flaring up.]
You're part of my family. My precious family, that I would do anything for. Never forget that.
[she says, but her tone is light, so it's obviously something teasing. after all, there are only so many genuine feelings of fondness and affection and love that Catra can take before she is overwhelmed]
[. . .]
[but speaking of being overwhelmed. . . when she draws back the second time, her gaze flicks from Iris towards Adora's corpse, laid out on a few desks, and-- well. the loss, the pain, the grief is back]
[ . . . they do need to do something about that. iris glances in that direction and - there is a matching feeling of pain and grief. the horror of what it means to lose someone dear, again. but she takes a deep breath and then looks back to catra.]
... I can go take care of her.
Do you want to say -
[it's not goodbye. it's not. they'll see each other again, even in daycare.]
[ . . . she reaches for catra's hand to hold then, as she moves to rise.]
... does she have a favorite flower? I can get a blanket, to cover her. And you can say what you need, if you'd like... and then I'll bring her outside to rest.
[catra can follow her as far as the doorway and then... iris will just have to hope she's trusted with the rest]
[fortunately, Catra does, so. . . this sounds like a solid plan to her]
Um. . . okay.
[she looks over at Adora again, but. . . this time, something catches in her throat, and she finds herself sucking in a sharp breath to calm herself. focus, Catra. focus on what Iris said. on her promises]
. . . I don't know what her favorite flower is, but she likes. . . bright colors. So.
[ . . . she'll hold onto catra's hand then and with a wave of her other one, a bouquet of bright flowers will rest in adora's hands. white and yellow chrysanthemums, yellow sunflowers, blue morning glories, pink peonies, orange zinnies, and gorgeous red roses. bursting with life, and iris will quietly point at them and explain their meanings to Catra]
Truth, imperial, radiance, willful promises, bravery, loyalty, and love.
[she doesn't verbally respond, but she does step closer to Adora, one hand still clingingly tightly to Iris's. she's never been good at words. . . except when she needed to use them to fast-talk herself out of a bad situation. but when it comes to feelings, to sincerity, to genuine honesty. . . words always seem to fail her]
[so instead. . . she crouches down and uses her free hand to brush some stray strands of hair from her forehead so she can press a gentle, loving, tender kiss against the skin there]
[ . . . . ah. iris waits for a moment then, letting her thumb run over catra's knuckles as she wanders closer. she waits and - her heart aches for the both of them. a resounding, echo of their own pain, even if the idea of having a love that bright is so unfamiliar to her.
when catra is finished, iris will take her hand into both of hers gently, bringing it up to her so she can kiss the back of catra's hand.]
[there's a small flushed feeling (A DOKI, IF YOU WILL) when Iris kisses her knuckles, but Catra swallows it down as she gives Adora one last tired, exhausted, mournful look]
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[she looks. . . well. like a mess. tear-stained and ruffled from her fight with Claude]
[but even so. . .]
[. . . when she hears Iris's voice, she looks up and over at her. she sees the extended hands, and--]
. . . Iris?
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[she's - not sure what to do in this situation? it's hard for her to really articulate. but she'll regardless immediately go to slowly approach catra's corner of the room and if she's not met with too much aggression, she'll immediately kneel down in front of her. her fingers are curled gently into her palms, and it's so clear that she wants to reach out - that she wants to provide comfort even in a situation where there's hardly any
but seeing catra so upset brings a few more tears to her eyes even as she tries so hard to blink them away]
... I'm here - I'm sorry I didn't ask permission, I just...
... I'm here. I hope that's alright.
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[Catra immediately moves to hug her tightly, face pressed against her shoulder]
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iris hugs her back without hesitation, holds her close, curls around her as if to shield and protect her from anything else that might come to hurt her. her despair and outrage are still steady, but they disappear underneath the wave of protectiveness, of how intensely iris would do anything if it meant keep catra safe.
she's careful, slow as she rubs her back, trying to soothe her even if it feels like there's nothing she can say]
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[she starts crying, leaning into that protectiveness as much as she can, because-- even though she doesn't think she deserves it, it. . .]
[it feels. . .]
[it's warm]
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the protectiveness does not fade - it remains. so angry on her behalf, so desperate to try to keep her safe.
she kisses catra's hair even as she tries to rock her gently]
Let it all out... I'm right here with you...
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[she manages to choke out a strained--]
Why? I'm not a good person, Iris.
I have never been a good person.
[and even though she was trying to be otherwise, she has wholeheartedly failed]
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I don't want you to be anyone other than you, Catra.
In a situation like this - there is no such thing as a good person or a bad person. We are all only people trying to hold onto our ideals and protect what matters to us.
[and - maybe that applies a little to herself too.]
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[. . . Catra shakes her head again, her small, short laugh hollow]
I didn't really do a good job of that, either.
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... you did all you could. And I know that's - that's just as frustrating. To feel as though you're exercising all your power and still losing, but -
[but maybe her emotions echo the same sort of feeling]
... please know it's not because of you. That this situation isn't what it is because of you, or because you did something unforgivable.
It's not over yet, so we can't give up.
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[a moment's pause, and Catra draws back, one hand still resting on Iris's shoulder. she wipes at her face, scrubbing away the dampness that lines the fur on her cheeks]
I don't know. For some reason, when you say it-- I can kind of believe it.
. . . I guess.
[even though things really do feel hopeless right now]
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there's still hope. there's still determination. there's this certainty that she will hold onto for the both of them.]
I told you I don't fail, didn't I? I don't let myself be defeated and so -
I... I'm going to take care of you. I'll find my way to you again and... it might be a little scary, and it - it might hurt before it's over. [because iris doesn't know what tomorrow brings - doesn't know if she can hope that catra will make it through execution or give false promises] But it won't be the end, so don't give up no matter what.
It won't be the end until I get you - both of you - back. I promise. I won't let you disappear.
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[sometimes, when you're a cynic, you need an optimist to keep you afloat]
Iris. . .
[she promises]
[. . .]
Okay.
If anyone can make that happen, I-- um. I believe it could be you.
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but.]
... I'll do it. You, Adora, Crow, Rupert, Kaoruko, Mollymauk, everyone on the other side and this one -
We're going to find a way out of this, and then we're going to make this ridiculous system pay. Just... Just wait for me, okay?
[she's determined, she's angry, and she's so full of grief that it threatens to overwhelm her - but even then she refuses to bend. not when catra is counting on her.]
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[it's the hope she managed to glean from Iris. the strength she felt from her caring and determined dorm head, that she's trying to emanate. an extremely large helping of fondness and admiration. she still doesn't know if she deserves this level of protectiveness and affection, but. . .]
[if Iris is giving it to her, if she's sitting here after everything Catra has done and promising her that things will be okay, then. . . she'll believe it. just this once. she'll let herself believe it]
[there are no more words, really. so Catra pitches forward and rests her head against Iris's shoulder, allowing the tension of the trial, of the past five weeks, of everything to slowly melt away]
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so she'll hold onto catra when she pitches forward, rubbing her back and pressing a kiss to the side of her head, fierce feelings of protectiveness and adoration flaring up.]
You're part of my family. My precious family, that I would do anything for. Never forget that.
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[she says, but her tone is light, so it's obviously something teasing. after all, there are only so many genuine feelings of fondness and affection and love that Catra can take before she is overwhelmed]
[. . .]
[but speaking of being overwhelmed. . . when she draws back the second time, her gaze flicks from Iris towards Adora's corpse, laid out on a few desks, and-- well. the loss, the pain, the grief is back]
[. . .]
. . . um. . .
[they need to do something about that]
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... I can go take care of her.
Do you want to say -
[it's not goodbye. it's not. they'll see each other again, even in daycare.]
... Shall we send her off before we meet again?
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. . . yeah. Okay.
[a pause]
But how do we do that?
[from this TERRIBLE DETENTION ROOM]
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... does she have a favorite flower? I can get a blanket, to cover her. And you can say what you need, if you'd like... and then I'll bring her outside to rest.
[catra can follow her as far as the doorway and then... iris will just have to hope she's trusted with the rest]
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Um. . . okay.
[she looks over at Adora again, but. . . this time, something catches in her throat, and she finds herself sucking in a sharp breath to calm herself. focus, Catra. focus on what Iris said. on her promises]
. . . I don't know what her favorite flower is, but she likes. . . bright colors. So.
[take it and run with it, Iris]
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Truth, imperial, radiance, willful promises, bravery, loyalty, and love.
[she gives catra's hand another squeeze]
Anything else before I bring her?
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[she doesn't verbally respond, but she does step closer to Adora, one hand still clingingly tightly to Iris's. she's never been good at words. . . except when she needed to use them to fast-talk herself out of a bad situation. but when it comes to feelings, to sincerity, to genuine honesty. . . words always seem to fail her]
[so instead. . . she crouches down and uses her free hand to brush some stray strands of hair from her forehead so she can press a gentle, loving, tender kiss against the skin there]
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when catra is finished, iris will take her hand into both of hers gently, bringing it up to her so she can kiss the back of catra's hand.]
... I'll be back shortly. I promise.
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. . . okay.
[she breathes out deeply, eyes slipping shut]
Thanks, Iris.
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