[it's the ache. surely, this is the ache viola was talking about. but it came all at once, assaulting in a confounding new shape. blinking is doing nothing, and she's bereft of words.
it's only really happened once, before—but then, it had made sense. hadn't it? sadness, frustration, loss, powerlessness... she could name those, now, looking back, even if she couldn't at the time. so why...
ah.
maybe it really wasn't so different, after all.
for another long moment, she sits, holding viola's hand, until she eventually takes the handkerchief, and wipes the tears herself.
[she'll hold onto byleth's hand then, and summon a cup of tea to sit close by in case she wants something warm for her throat.]
... I know it's frustrating, and at times it can seem easier to pretend that these feelings don't exist, but I also think...
[ . . . ]
It would be worse to never feel poorly, because it might mean there's nothing that close to your heart - that you don't want to lose, or that you don't want to see hurt. So... it's alright, if you feel.... well, if you just feel.
[she nods, still feeling utterly adrift. but at least the ache is lessened. fading, if just a bit.
or maybe just back to what it always was—a background noise she'd grown accustomed to. an ache so long-felt, now, and familiar, that it just didn't register anymore. not unless she looked right at it.
she passes viola's handkerchief back, and picks up the tea—but has a little difficulty swallowing a mouthful past the tangle of feelings that was lodged in her throat.
[she'll take it back and just allow some silence for byleth to process a little bit, before offering a smile - still tired at the corners, but sincere]
... you plan, you devise, and you invent ways for the people you care for to face less strife in the future, so everyone suffers less. Or at least... that's what I do.
[she looks at her lap again, listlessly trying to organize things mentally—and something seems to click.]
...I didn't realize what I was reacting to.
[so, maintaining the status quo—and coming to terms with its source. when viola speaks again, she looks up, and nods, looking almost a little surprised at the question.]
... well, it's probably not entirely too surprising to have an instinct that drives you to want to protect who and what you care about, even if you don't realize that's what it is.
[but she'll shift then - gingerly wrapping her arms around byleth, careful not to nudge her reattached arm]
But you can work through what that means now that you're aware. And I'm here for you too, if you need any help.
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the last part of her expression crumbles, leaving nothing but stunned silence.
she moves as if to speak, but nothing comes out.
instead, she feels her eyes, inexplicably, well with tears, one after another dropping to her lap.]
Wh...at?
[the confusion is writ large, even as she tries to blink the tears away.]
no subject
viola sits patiently through it, taking byleth's hand in between both of hers as she waits for her to process her emotions.]
.... it's alright. You can cry. I won't tell anyone.
[her voice is soft and after a few more moments, she'll raise her other hand, now holding a soft handkerchief, so that she can wipe the tears away]
no subject
it's only really happened once, before—but then, it had made sense. hadn't it? sadness, frustration, loss, powerlessness... she could name those, now, looking back, even if she couldn't at the time. so why...
ah.
maybe it really wasn't so different, after all.
for another long moment, she sits, holding viola's hand, until she eventually takes the handkerchief, and wipes the tears herself.
her voice is quiet, raw, when she finally says:]
Thank you.
no subject
[she'll hold onto byleth's hand then, and summon a cup of tea to sit close by in case she wants something warm for her throat.]
... I know it's frustrating, and at times it can seem easier to pretend that these feelings don't exist, but I also think...
[ . . . ]
It would be worse to never feel poorly, because it might mean there's nothing that close to your heart - that you don't want to lose, or that you don't want to see hurt. So... it's alright, if you feel.... well, if you just feel.
no subject
or maybe just back to what it always was—a background noise she'd grown accustomed to. an ache so long-felt, now, and familiar, that it just didn't register anymore. not unless she looked right at it.
she passes viola's handkerchief back, and picks up the tea—but has a little difficulty swallowing a mouthful past the tangle of feelings that was lodged in her throat.
...]
I just don't know what to do with them, now.
[or even where to start.]
no subject
... you plan, you devise, and you invent ways for the people you care for to face less strife in the future, so everyone suffers less. Or at least... that's what I do.
[ . . . ]
May I give you a hug, Byleth? I'll be careful.
no subject
[she looks at her lap again, listlessly trying to organize things mentally—and something seems to click.]
...I didn't realize what I was reacting to.
[so, maintaining the status quo—and coming to terms with its source. when viola speaks again, she looks up, and nods, looking almost a little surprised at the question.]
no subject
[but she'll shift then - gingerly wrapping her arms around byleth, careful not to nudge her reattached arm]
But you can work through what that means now that you're aware. And I'm here for you too, if you need any help.
no subject
with her one able arm, she reaches up, around viola, and closes her eyes, ignoring any pain it brings to do so.]
I think... if I spend too much time thinking about it, I feel exhausted.
But sometimes, it's all I think about.
no subject
I don't think there's much to do about those thoughts - doesn't it just affirm how much you must care?
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she nods, sinking her face into viola's shoulder, voice quiet.]
I'll hold on to that.