[Well, they can just both be flustered. He sort of wishes the ground would open up and swallow him.
And yeah, he's absolutely going to worry about it.
Very briefly, he smiles wryly. Like he's smiling, only the topic is kind of rocky and heavy.] I'd... accept that. [Even if it's a no chance of trying... they're friends. That's okay. It feels... somehow easier to brace for accepting that? Knowing it's a mutual sort of interest, but not a heavy pursuit. Sort of like barely brushing hands rather than making out and then getting let down.]
It wouldn't change for me either. For both of you.
[ it's fine he's still flustered but he smiles back, small. it's less wry and a little more shy, because unlike riku he didn't bring up the subject, he's only reacting. it's... really not something he'd expected, and he might still be hesitant about it, but they'll still be friends no matter how they answer. so it's fine.
it's a little embarrassing, though ]
Alright. Good to know. [ ... he laughs a bit weakly. the humor is real even if it's stilted ] This is really not where I thought our conversation was going to wind up when I e-mailed you, for the record.
I... really could have picked a better time, sorry. [It's more earnestly apologetic this time.] Even if there isn't many better times. I still...
[He's looking down again.]
I just thought... I don't know how much longer I'll... be me. I don't know what's going to happen. So I was... [He sort of grimaces.] I... probably shouldn't have since that was... happening.
Stop apologizing. That's not why I said that. ... I get it, really. [ there's something funny about yamato having lyrics about pretty much that entire sentiment. of telling someone while you've got the time. ] There probably wasn't going to be a better time, so... forget tat part. I'm glad you told me.
[ even if it was incredibly embarrassing and awkward, if it was important for riku to share it, he wants to know. and no matter what happens in the future--
it's something for himself, not luke. that's important too. ]
[He is slightly reassured and only mildly embarrassed. It's a good thing Yamato hasn't teased him. Thanks, buddy.]
If... something happens, and I... forget, and you both decide... Anyway, spare me the embarrassment and shame, and don't remind me. Just pretend like it never happened.
[It's! A joke! It's a terrible joke poorly executed at this time, but he's literally dying after making this whole meet up feel awkward, so. Dark humor it is.]
[WHY DID HIS SHITTY JOKE BACKFIRE ON HIM? He hates it out here. He was... joking... but now he has to live with desperately wanting to be slapped back by a yes instead of left to be ignorant with a no.
help]
I'm not, uh... I'm not trying to... pressure you or anything...!
[ this is so incredibly stupid and despite being and feeling flustered yamato's failing to bite back a smirk ]
You're not. Trust me, so long as you don't start following me around to a campground out of the city after blackmailing me into a first date, I won't feel any pressure.
[ seems like a low bar but he's trying to try to ease. some. of riku's clear anxiety.
...honestly, the self-effacing and hesitant part kind of reminds him of sora asking him out, but no one wants to hear "wow reminds me of my ex" so here yamato is instead. with stalker stories. ]
[He sort of balks at the description, feeling flustered. It's so specific! Clearly this is experience not related here. Yamato isn't even calling him out, but he's embarrassed anyway for some reason.]
Someone blackmailed you...? [Wait.] ...Sora? [...] Lucky for you, I guess... not my style.
["Not my style"--I spent an entire game stalking my best friends and helping them. Not gonna talk about the other times.]
[FUNNY. This is why he said he seemed to feel bad about bringing any of this up when he doesn't know as much about them.
His lips struggle in their twitching, and then he can't help it. He's full of so much pent up nerves, and embarrassment, and stress, and adrenaline. He just fucking
starts laughing quietly.
HE CAN STOP LAUGHING HIS OWN CONFESSION WENT LIKE MAYBE 25% LESS BADLY THAN THAT.]
[I'm sorry to say, he's at that sort of mildly hysterical laughter part of this place's shitshow. The kind of laughter you start and can't stop because everything is So Much and Awful, your nerves are shot and you're losing it, but then you feel absolutely fucking insane being able to laugh, and you know you LOOK insane which only makes you continue to laugh.
I can't describe it, but this happened to me in a McDonald's drive-thru the first day of college, so it's like that.
He has to hold his stomach and lean back into the steps, first scrunched up, and then with his head back. He isn't laughing loudly! It's strangled almost to silence, but he's getting tears. Yamato is going to kick him probably.]
[ hysterical laughter sounds about right for this place, and yamato just goes over and sits down next to riku on the steps while he does that, leaning back to look at the sky. he does not kick him but he does kind of rub his back with one hand to try and get him to relax a bit ]
This is the only pass you're getting for laughing at my misery, for the record.
[ like he didn't purposefully make a joke of it to try and relax riku, and now he's kind of wondering if he broke him instead ]
[He really does bite down on his tongue and teeth, squeezing the laughter away. He looks completely mental, he knows he does, but once the laughter started, it was just--
It was so... normal. It was so simple, and normal, and a place in time that was extremely ridiculous and embarrassing for Yamato, but one anyone here would go back to it from this place probably. It was darkly funny.
He clears his throat while rubbing at the corners of his eyes.]
I don't know why... that was so funny, [he croaks.] Sorry.
[ he is not great at humor and he knows it and he also knows that's not why riku lost it so badly, but he's giving them both an out from talking about how much this place sucks actually. he nudges riku's shoulder with his own ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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And yeah, he's absolutely going to worry about it.
Very briefly, he smiles wryly. Like he's smiling, only the topic is kind of rocky and heavy.] I'd... accept that. [Even if it's a no chance of trying... they're friends. That's okay. It feels... somehow easier to brace for accepting that? Knowing it's a mutual sort of interest, but not a heavy pursuit. Sort of like barely brushing hands rather than making out and then getting let down.]
It wouldn't change for me either. For both of you.
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it's a little embarrassing, though ]
Alright. Good to know. [ ... he laughs a bit weakly. the humor is real even if it's stilted ] This is really not where I thought our conversation was going to wind up when I e-mailed you, for the record.
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I... really could have picked a better time, sorry. [It's more earnestly apologetic this time.] Even if there isn't many better times. I still...
[He's looking down again.]
I just thought... I don't know how much longer I'll... be me. I don't know what's going to happen. So I was... [He sort of grimaces.] I... probably shouldn't have since that was... happening.
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[ even if it was incredibly embarrassing and awkward, if it was important for riku to share it, he wants to know. and no matter what happens in the future--
it's something for himself, not luke. that's important too. ]
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If... something happens, and I... forget, and you both decide... Anyway, spare me the embarrassment and shame, and don't remind me. Just pretend like it never happened.
[It's! A joke! It's a terrible joke poorly executed at this time, but he's literally dying after making this whole meet up feel awkward, so. Dark humor it is.]
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What if we decide the other way? Should we remind you then?
[ it's also a terrible joke but that's the vibe they are going for now. ]
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...
[He gets extremely red on the cheeks and the nose. Closing his eyes!!! Muttering:]
...yeah.
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[ oh that's embarrassing for him too actually that's fine riku's eyes are closed he can't see him blush ]
Okay. I'll keep that in mind. In case you forget.
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help]
I'm not, uh... I'm not trying to... pressure you or anything...!
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You're not. Trust me, so long as you don't start following me around to a campground out of the city after blackmailing me into a first date, I won't feel any pressure.
[ seems like a low bar but he's trying to try to ease. some. of riku's clear anxiety.
...honestly, the self-effacing and hesitant part kind of reminds him of sora asking him out, but no one wants to hear "wow reminds me of my ex" so here yamato is instead. with stalker stories. ]
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[He sort of balks at the description, feeling flustered. It's so specific! Clearly this is experience not related here. Yamato isn't even calling him out, but he's embarrassed anyway for some reason.]
Someone blackmailed you...? [Wait.] ...Sora? [...] Lucky for you, I guess... not my style.
["Not my style"--I spent an entire game stalking my best friends and helping them. Not gonna talk about the other times.]
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No! No. Sora would never-- no. That was... a lot different. [ she'd be so offended?? ] One of our friend's older sister. She wasn't my type. At all.
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His lips struggle in their twitching, and then he can't help it. He's full of so much pent up nerves, and embarrassment, and stress, and adrenaline. He just fucking
starts laughing quietly.
HE CAN STOP LAUGHING HIS OWN CONFESSION WENT LIKE MAYBE 25% LESS BADLY THAN THAT.]
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[ he likes Riku laughing a lot better even if his own confession was. maximum trainwreck. so he's fine playing it up a little.
even if that totally happened ]
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[I'm sorry to say, he's at that sort of mildly hysterical laughter part of this place's shitshow. The kind of laughter you start and can't stop because everything is So Much and Awful, your nerves are shot and you're losing it, but then you feel absolutely fucking insane being able to laugh, and you know you LOOK insane which only makes you continue to laugh.
I can't describe it, but this happened to me in a McDonald's drive-thru the first day of college, so it's like that.
He has to hold his stomach and lean back into the steps, first scrunched up, and then with his head back. He isn't laughing loudly! It's strangled almost to silence, but he's getting tears. Yamato is going to kick him probably.]
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This is the only pass you're getting for laughing at my misery, for the record.
[ like he didn't purposefully make a joke of it to try and relax riku, and now he's kind of wondering if he broke him instead ]
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It was so... normal. It was so simple, and normal, and a place in time that was extremely ridiculous and embarrassing for Yamato, but one anyone here would go back to it from this place probably. It was darkly funny.
He clears his throat while rubbing at the corners of his eyes.]
I don't know why... that was so funny, [he croaks.] Sorry.
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[ he is not great at humor and he knows it and he also knows that's not why riku lost it so badly, but he's giving them both an out from talking about how much this place sucks actually. he nudges riku's shoulder with his own ]
You good?
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His elbow swings out to bump Yamato back, and he drops his head gently on the steps behind.]
Yeah. I'm alright.
my NOTIFS
... Good. [ and now he's to staring at the sky ] I'll stick around until Lux comes back.
Gmail said not3
Thanks.