[ . . . . she was lectured, not too long before she got here. when she was terrified of her own people, scared of the backlash that she thought she rightly deserved at the time. but then there was someone who lectured her, who told her not to be so dense, and to realize that she was well-loved. that she works hard, and that it's alright for her to be loved in return. that there are things that she does that are worthwhile.
what ichiro says now feels a little bit like that. the way that her heart aches from the warmth of this scolding, and how he insists that it is simply because he cares about her - not tied to what she does, or who she is. it's scary, to think that there might be a loyalty that is not tied to hierarchy, that is not tied to deeds, or what she can provide. it's so much that it's nearly impossible for her to believe in it.
only nearly.
ichiro is real, and he is in front of her, and he is so certain that it sounds like it could be true.
her free hand wraps around herself, curls into the fabric of her sleeve, and her expression crumples just a bit into something bewildered, touched, and - so emotional that her eyes shine with tears that she's not even aware of. a few fall without her permission.]
... I don't - know what to say.
[she's touched. she's so happy. she's embarrassed. she's scared - but she feels so warm even more than that.]
[ oh god - he's kind of an idiot, sometimes, too, unfortunately. so when he sees tears he feels a little swoop of oh god oh no oh fuck and makes a fussy noise, starting to move like he's going to wipe them away? only his left hand is occupied and his right hand is still basically useless so he just sort of hangs there for a second. ]
Ah - oh, shit, I didn't mean to make you cry... [ smooth move nerd.
... he kind of laughs, a little, after though? almost helplessly, quietly, because he did recognize that she seemed touched among all of that, too, and because sometimes he also just gets all sorts of flustered around iris and does dumb shit like trying to wipe her face with a broken arm. it's funny, kind of, in the helpless, sweet way moments like this only really can be.
ichiro shakes his head, though, ducking in a little bit to finally pull his hand free for real to actually reach up and wipe a tear or two away with his thumb, if iris will let him. ] You don't have to say anything. 's okay, Iris. I just - want to make sure you know.
this feels... so silly. it's ridiculous, how after being so tightly wound in anger for so long, the first sound that escapes her afterward is a laugh. she laughs, weakly but sincerely, and doesn't fight it when he tries to wipe away her tears. she sniffs, a little embarrassed even as other tears fall from her eyes and she just tries to brush her bangs out of the way because she feels so embarrassed.]
... I'm happy, you know. [and she sounds sincere when she says it - but there's also something disbelieving in her tone.] I'm so happy... even when I don't think that I have any right to be.
I wish you'd treasure yourself more, Ichiro, or keep some of yourself so you don't give it away to everyone... I really - don't know what to do with your kindness, or what I've done to deserve it.
But... I'm crying because I don't know what I've done to deserve you. It's - one of the better reasons I've had to shed a few tears lately.
[to do so from joy and gratitude that fills her heart so much that it overflows from the eyes, rather than heartbreak]
[ nnnoooo stop he only has one hand to wipe your tears!!! aaaa
its good to hear her laugh, though - a smile breaks out past any of ichiro's worry, and he scooches a little closer so he can wipe her face more properly, still gently fussy, but it's impossible not to smile through it, at the silliness of it all.
and at the sincerity to iris's happiness. that tone of voice, her smile, that makes his heart do a backflip in his chest. it's so good to see her that happy, to see some of the tension from before start to loosen, and it just - it's like he said. ichiro just wanted to see her happy.
he huffs a little laugh, at first, too, still cleaning up the last stray tears, and just smiling at her. warm, gentle. happy, too, almost boyish. ichiro doesn't really know if he's worth "deserving" of anything, but... ]
... Iris, I could write you a list about all the stuff you've done for us and it would be longer than the JR. [ just saying. us in this case, especially - winter dorm, but all of the people here. the living, the dead.
with the last tear seemingly cleaned up for now, he pauses, and just leaves his hand resting against her cheek. ]
...but at least for me, all you've really had to do was be you, you know. [ the girl he's gotten to know. viola, at first, but iris - he likes iris so much better. he likes the way she smiles at him, he likes her sharpness, the way it seems like she'd crush her enemies under her heel, sure - but most of all, the thing he likes the most about iris is that she cares so, so deeply for her people, and the things that matter to her, and that, from viola to iris, has never, ever changed. ] I think you can feel however the hell you want to feel. Happy's a good place to start.
[ . . . she wonders if that's true. there's something in her expression that makes her brow furrow in disbelief again, but - she really doesn't want to do him the disservice of assuming his lying. not when his sincerity is so overwhelming.
so instead she just lets her cheek rest a little bit more into his touch, leaning into it just a bit, for just a moment.]
... you make me want to be so greedy sometimes.
[when she is a person who is embarrassed and flustered by attention, but at the same time craves it. when she wants to be loved, even when she knows for certain that she doesn't deserve to be.
. . . . ]
I think you get a side of me that is kinder, softer than what I deliver to the rest of the world. I wonder if you'll still say that it's fine if I'm me, or it's fine however I feel, if you know how cruel and vindictive I can feel at times....
But it's hard - when you make me feel so happy. Like I want to be a little better than I am.
[ for as much as his words earlier on caring for someone not always having to do with romance, the fact of the matter is that ichiro does in fact still have romantic feelings for iris, and seeing her look like this is making his heart flutter like crazy. he's played an otome or two in his life, too, okay? and phrases like you make me want to be so greedy are just unfair! but, it's not just that - it's that tentative little press into his touch, too. the tone of her voice, the words she's saying.
he huffs, quietly, and stays there. still, just looking her over for a moment, taking in the sight of the remains of that utterly bright joy. ]
... I dunno. I've done a lot of shit I'm not proud of, you know? And I've got a really, really short temper. I've lashed out at people I shouldn't have, and there are some things that make me lose it to the point that it has consequences.
...But you'll still tell me it's fine that I'm me, right? [ his smile lifts a little more, eyes crinkling up at the corners with it. warm. ] You're human, Iris, even if you literally got to be in an isekai. [ and that genuine humanity - and everything that comes with it, good and bad - is something ichiro loves about iris.
a brief pause.]
...y'know, you told me that first week that I needed to take care of myself. You - gave me an argument for it like a lawyer, actually, it was kind of impressive. [ a little laugh, there, as he glances briefly in the direction of his bandaged arm, where his knuckles are still a little scarred up. ] But I've been trying to find other ways to put my temper out, when I get that pissed off, because now I think about what you said every time.
It doesn't always work, but... you make me want to be better, too.
[iris, about ichiro's romantic feelings: you're not over those yet?
. . . . well, she's very much in denial even still, but she supposes she wouldn't be able to blame him. even though she wants to argue that even if she is human, she is also a villainess. and just as she said to him jokingly before, he's a poster boy protagonist. there is likely no happy ending written for either of them - and she is not intending on stealing his best end from him, whatever that may be, with whoever he likes.]
.... I wonder how difficult it must be to try to become better, when you are already one of the best.
[just as sincerely - because she told ichiro a few times already, how much she admires his kindness. he's the type of person that people are drawn to, whether they're aware of it or not. he has the kindness and overwhelming love for all people that iris could never hope to live up to, not when she's as spiteful and unforgiving as she is.]
sure, okay, but - in the true thematics of this game, isn't the point of an isekai to write your own story? it's not like he can read iris's mind, though, so it goes unaddressed, especially when she's calling him something so sweet and sincere.
ichiro ducks his head, a little embarrassed at that. ] Nahh, nah. Iris, please. [ he's not!! at all. he's just a person, ultimately, someone who's just trying to be better when he knows he's been worse. ichiro's been trying to work on himself for a long time, now, and he's still young - and he still has a long, long way to go.
a little joking on himself, this time: ] You should see me when that rat bastard from Yokohama's around, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't think I'm that great.
[ listen he is. aware of his worst quality and it is his rage. he thumbs her cheek one more time, just because his hand's still there, and because the continual admittance that he's a good person is both embarrassing and flattering and bad for the whole hey-i-still-have-a-huge-crush-on-you thing but that's fine. ]
ichiro's stomach twists up when she says that. i think you're great, no matter what, because, well. after his talk with manwol and the others, today, will he still be? his hands are officially going to be implicated. he's going to have to lie, if iris asks.
he hates that. he hates it so much. his expression flickers just a little, and he's the one to glance away from her. hopefully it looks a little more shy than it does guilty, as he takes in the rest of what she said, though his hand stays where it is, especially with the squeeze.]
...from what was in your memories, they probably deserved it. [ iris can come to chuuoku and get them fired any time. ] ... thank you, Iris. I - I really hope I don't do anything to change that.
[maybe they did but ichiro should really recognize that iris is a rather horrible and brutal person please,,,
. . . but she catches that. she catches it sharply, and her brow furrows for a moment. iris is not a fool, and she can't help but wonder what exactly might be going through ichiro's mind - but she also supposes it doesn't matter much to her.
she keeps his hand on her cheek and shifts just so that she can rise, just enough to press their foreheads together.]
Someone told me that this is a good luck charm once.
[a little forehead bump for good fortune. but more than that - ]
As long as your kindness guides you, you will never disappoint me.
[ ohhh this is so unfortunately intimate. the forehead bump is such a sweet gesture, and not one he's really had many times in his life, and there is in fact a brief moment where his heart does like three backflips when she comes that close, but he keeps it together.
his voice quiets to the intimate little space between them as she says so. as your kindness guides you.
...can he be kind, like this? he thinks of lux and dimitri's grim faces. he thinks about leo. he thinks --
... he doesn't know what he can do, really. but he can try to do it as himself, the person he's worked so hard to become, and maybe that's the best that ichiro can do.
he smiles at her, now, peering from underneath his lashes, at such a close distance. still a little puppylike, though maybe not nearly so bad as hours before. his cheeks are a little pink, and his eyes are soft, if still carrying that usual determination that seems to color his every action. ] ..if it's a good luck charm, then lemme give some good luck to you, too. Okay? Give and take.
[ not just one sided. he doesn't just want to take from iris, who has given so much.
besides. he might need a little good luck, anyway. ]
[that manages to make her smile easily - and she'll wait for him to be the one to pull away from the touch. she doesn't seem to mind it, when it's something like this.]
I have no reason to deny a little luck - may good fortune find us both, then.
[ . . . . ]
Don't forget what I said. You always need to come back home to me.
[ okay what if he just doesn't, then! we're gonna stay like this for a minute. maybe it's a little selfish, but he does well with affection, and his heart swells with it.
... always come back home, iris says. he closes his eyes. ]
...yeah. [ yeah. he came back before. he's come back again. he has to come back from this, too.
has to bring everybody back. has to plug up the bullet holes with bandaids, until they can find their way out of here. ] ...I'll do everything I can. I'll come back to you, no matter what.
[oh - well sure. she doesn't mind it. she'll stay for as long as he wants, so he can pull away when he's ready. she thinks it's nice to see his face a little more peaceful, after the expression he was wearing earlier.
. . . ]
I'll be waiting then.
[she'd said earlier that he has to come home, because all of winter is waiting for him, and she still think that's true.
but if he doesn't mind getting specific then neither does she.
anyway. after a little longer, he nods just a tiny bit, the motion only bare enough to be felt, and then pulls back a little further. they're still close, his hand still on her cheek, and this feels like it should be something -
but it's enough, the way it is. ]
...thank you. [ ichiro says, finally. he doesn't specify what for, but - well, at this rate, it'd be a long list. ]
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what ichiro says now feels a little bit like that. the way that her heart aches from the warmth of this scolding, and how he insists that it is simply because he cares about her - not tied to what she does, or who she is. it's scary, to think that there might be a loyalty that is not tied to hierarchy, that is not tied to deeds, or what she can provide. it's so much that it's nearly impossible for her to believe in it.
only nearly.
ichiro is real, and he is in front of her, and he is so certain that it sounds like it could be true.
her free hand wraps around herself, curls into the fabric of her sleeve, and her expression crumples just a bit into something bewildered, touched, and - so emotional that her eyes shine with tears that she's not even aware of. a few fall without her permission.]
... I don't - know what to say.
[she's touched. she's so happy. she's embarrassed. she's scared - but she feels so warm even more than that.]
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Ah - oh, shit, I didn't mean to make you cry... [ smooth move nerd.
... he kind of laughs, a little, after though? almost helplessly, quietly, because he did recognize that she seemed touched among all of that, too, and because sometimes he also just gets all sorts of flustered around iris and does dumb shit like trying to wipe her face with a broken arm. it's funny, kind of, in the helpless, sweet way moments like this only really can be.
ichiro shakes his head, though, ducking in a little bit to finally pull his hand free for real to actually reach up and wipe a tear or two away with his thumb, if iris will let him. ] You don't have to say anything. 's okay, Iris. I just - want to make sure you know.
[ no conditions. no transactions. none of that. ]
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this feels... so silly. it's ridiculous, how after being so tightly wound in anger for so long, the first sound that escapes her afterward is a laugh. she laughs, weakly but sincerely, and doesn't fight it when he tries to wipe away her tears. she sniffs, a little embarrassed even as other tears fall from her eyes and she just tries to brush her bangs out of the way because she feels so embarrassed.]
... I'm happy, you know. [and she sounds sincere when she says it - but there's also something disbelieving in her tone.] I'm so happy... even when I don't think that I have any right to be.
I wish you'd treasure yourself more, Ichiro, or keep some of yourself so you don't give it away to everyone... I really - don't know what to do with your kindness, or what I've done to deserve it.
But... I'm crying because I don't know what I've done to deserve you. It's - one of the better reasons I've had to shed a few tears lately.
[to do so from joy and gratitude that fills her heart so much that it overflows from the eyes, rather than heartbreak]
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its good to hear her laugh, though - a smile breaks out past any of ichiro's worry, and he scooches a little closer so he can wipe her face more properly, still gently fussy, but it's impossible not to smile through it, at the silliness of it all.
and at the sincerity to iris's happiness. that tone of voice, her smile, that makes his heart do a backflip in his chest. it's so good to see her that happy, to see some of the tension from before start to loosen, and it just - it's like he said. ichiro just wanted to see her happy.
he huffs a little laugh, at first, too, still cleaning up the last stray tears, and just smiling at her. warm, gentle. happy, too, almost boyish. ichiro doesn't really know if he's worth "deserving" of anything, but... ]
... Iris, I could write you a list about all the stuff you've done for us and it would be longer than the JR. [ just saying. us in this case, especially - winter dorm, but all of the people here. the living, the dead.
with the last tear seemingly cleaned up for now, he pauses, and just leaves his hand resting against her cheek. ]
...but at least for me, all you've really had to do was be you, you know. [ the girl he's gotten to know. viola, at first, but iris - he likes iris so much better. he likes the way she smiles at him, he likes her sharpness, the way it seems like she'd crush her enemies under her heel, sure - but most of all, the thing he likes the most about iris is that she cares so, so deeply for her people, and the things that matter to her, and that, from viola to iris, has never, ever changed. ] I think you can feel however the hell you want to feel. Happy's a good place to start.
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so instead she just lets her cheek rest a little bit more into his touch, leaning into it just a bit, for just a moment.]
... you make me want to be so greedy sometimes.
[when she is a person who is embarrassed and flustered by attention, but at the same time craves it. when she wants to be loved, even when she knows for certain that she doesn't deserve to be.
. . . . ]
I think you get a side of me that is kinder, softer than what I deliver to the rest of the world. I wonder if you'll still say that it's fine if I'm me, or it's fine however I feel, if you know how cruel and vindictive I can feel at times....
But it's hard - when you make me feel so happy. Like I want to be a little better than I am.
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he huffs, quietly, and stays there. still, just looking her over for a moment, taking in the sight of the remains of that utterly bright joy. ]
... I dunno. I've done a lot of shit I'm not proud of, you know? And I've got a really, really short temper. I've lashed out at people I shouldn't have, and there are some things that make me lose it to the point that it has consequences.
...But you'll still tell me it's fine that I'm me, right? [ his smile lifts a little more, eyes crinkling up at the corners with it. warm. ] You're human, Iris, even if you literally got to be in an isekai. [ and that genuine humanity - and everything that comes with it, good and bad - is something ichiro loves about iris.
a brief pause.]
...y'know, you told me that first week that I needed to take care of myself. You - gave me an argument for it like a lawyer, actually, it was kind of impressive. [ a little laugh, there, as he glances briefly in the direction of his bandaged arm, where his knuckles are still a little scarred up. ] But I've been trying to find other ways to put my temper out, when I get that pissed off, because now I think about what you said every time.
It doesn't always work, but... you make me want to be better, too.
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. . . . well, she's very much in denial even still, but she supposes she wouldn't be able to blame him. even though she wants to argue that even if she is human, she is also a villainess. and just as she said to him jokingly before, he's a poster boy protagonist. there is likely no happy ending written for either of them - and she is not intending on stealing his best end from him, whatever that may be, with whoever he likes.]
.... I wonder how difficult it must be to try to become better, when you are already one of the best.
[just as sincerely - because she told ichiro a few times already, how much she admires his kindness. he's the type of person that people are drawn to, whether they're aware of it or not. he has the kindness and overwhelming love for all people that iris could never hope to live up to, not when she's as spiteful and unforgiving as she is.]
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sure, okay, but - in the true thematics of this game, isn't the point of an isekai to write your own story? it's not like he can read iris's mind, though, so it goes unaddressed, especially when she's calling him something so sweet and sincere.
ichiro ducks his head, a little embarrassed at that. ] Nahh, nah. Iris, please. [ he's not!! at all. he's just a person, ultimately, someone who's just trying to be better when he knows he's been worse. ichiro's been trying to work on himself for a long time, now, and he's still young - and he still has a long, long way to go.
a little joking on himself, this time: ] You should see me when that rat bastard from Yokohama's around, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't think I'm that great.
[ listen he is. aware of his worst quality and it is his rage. he thumbs her cheek one more time, just because his hand's still there, and because the continual admittance that he's a good person is both embarrassing and flattering and bad for the whole hey-i-still-have-a-huge-crush-on-you thing but that's fine. ]
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[plainly. but she will let his thumb brush against her cheek, not flinching back or looking away. she meets his gaze with a little bit of a wry look.]
I think they would've preferred if I slapped them instead of removing them from their posts and costing them their salaries and reputations.
[she will bring her hand up to where ichiro's is resting on her face, and give his hand a little squeeze]
And so, since you're not as calculating or cruel as I am - I think you're great. No matter what.
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ichiro's stomach twists up when she says that. i think you're great, no matter what, because, well. after his talk with manwol and the others, today, will he still be? his hands are officially going to be implicated. he's going to have to lie, if iris asks.
he hates that. he hates it so much. his expression flickers just a little, and he's the one to glance away from her. hopefully it looks a little more shy than it does guilty, as he takes in the rest of what she said, though his hand stays where it is, especially with the squeeze.]
...from what was in your memories, they probably deserved it. [ iris can come to chuuoku and get them fired any time. ] ... thank you, Iris. I - I really hope I don't do anything to change that.
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. . . but she catches that. she catches it sharply, and her brow furrows for a moment. iris is not a fool, and she can't help but wonder what exactly might be going through ichiro's mind - but she also supposes it doesn't matter much to her.
she keeps his hand on her cheek and shifts just so that she can rise, just enough to press their foreheads together.]
Someone told me that this is a good luck charm once.
[a little forehead bump for good fortune. but more than that - ]
As long as your kindness guides you, you will never disappoint me.
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his voice quiets to the intimate little space between them as she says so. as your kindness guides you.
...can he be kind, like this? he thinks of lux and dimitri's grim faces. he thinks about leo. he thinks --
... he doesn't know what he can do, really. but he can try to do it as himself, the person he's worked so hard to become, and maybe that's the best that ichiro can do.
he smiles at her, now, peering from underneath his lashes, at such a close distance. still a little puppylike, though maybe not nearly so bad as hours before. his cheeks are a little pink, and his eyes are soft, if still carrying that usual determination that seems to color his every action. ] ..if it's a good luck charm, then lemme give some good luck to you, too. Okay? Give and take.
[ not just one sided. he doesn't just want to take from iris, who has given so much.
besides. he might need a little good luck, anyway. ]
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I have no reason to deny a little luck - may good fortune find us both, then.
[ . . . . ]
Don't forget what I said. You always need to come back home to me.
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... always come back home, iris says. he closes his eyes. ]
...yeah. [ yeah. he came back before. he's come back again. he has to come back from this, too.
has to bring everybody back. has to plug up the bullet holes with bandaids, until they can find their way out of here. ] ...I'll do everything I can. I'll come back to you, no matter what.
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. . . ]
I'll be waiting then.
[she'd said earlier that he has to come home, because all of winter is waiting for him, and she still think that's true.
but if he doesn't mind getting specific then neither does she.
she needs him to come home.]
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[ haha not
anyway. after a little longer, he nods just a tiny bit, the motion only bare enough to be felt, and then pulls back a little further. they're still close, his hand still on her cheek, and this feels like it should be something -
but it's enough, the way it is. ]
...thank you. [ ichiro says, finally. he doesn't specify what for, but - well, at this rate, it'd be a long list. ]