[ a part of him wants to comfort her, but he's - he doesn't even know if it will help, and he doesn't know who's watching. he doesn't want to make that any worse, either.
but he says, softening a little, now. ] ... trying counts.
[ it counts to him, at least.
i know you're trying. i've seen it. he thinks, without really meaning to. he's watched her relax in increments. he thought, maybe, maybe -
...
...but ultimately, there's nothing he can do besides try and stay. he knows iris gives love away, because that was why he fell for her, in the first place. but the decision to be willing to take it - he can't force that. that's all iris. ]
...I'm not going anywhere. I promised you that. [ and he doesn't break his promises. imagine i get a murder dm in like five minutes ] ...and I'm trying to get over it. So I'll give you all the time you need to try, but you gotta give me some, too. I need - if that's it, I just need you to believe that I haven't been lying to you, that I care. I just need you to try.
[ i always care. that's always been his greatest strength - and his biggest weakness. ] Okay?
[ . . . . does it? there's a bit of doubt that she can't quite let go of. because for iris, it's always been a combination of intentions and results. you need both. good intentions take you nowhere, and just trying - how can that be enough?
. . . but her tears stop, even if only because she can't handle the idea of crying in front of someone anymore. it feels so shameful, so silly, when he won't reach out to her but - she supposes that's what they need to do now. if he doesn't want to reach for her, then she'll stop expecting it.]
I can try but I - I have one question.
[and it's something she needs because she's leaving it up to him to decide - because he'd thought something earlier, and it stung so badly to know that she'd done something wrong. she needs to know if he meant it.]
... do you still want me to let you go?
[in whatever way he means. if he wants her to let him leave now, or if he wants her to try to kill whatever feelings she has too. if he needs space, and wants her to pull back. if maybe that line drawn in the sand from weeks ago needs to finally mean something instead of just be something they said.]
[ she'll probably hear his mental ?? at that at first, because he has no idea what she means, and has to sort through the possible definitions before he picks one. ]
...Like, leave here? I - yeah. I probably need - I need to go cool off. [ not literally. he's still really jittery, still pretty clearly trying to fight back a lot of emotion. I'm gonna go back to the dorm. I need to some time to think.
[ i want to go talk to beau. is what gets projected because sometimes your emotional support big sister is real? also deeply considering going to get polymorphed into a dog for like six hours. that sounds nice.
anyway. ]
....but... [ and, really, he needs some time to think on this, too. he chews on his lip, for a moment. ] ... I want you to do what's going to be the best for you. I know that's probably not the answer you wanna hear, but - it's not right of me to give you one, I don't think. Especially not right now.
[ a small smile. ] I think maybe gimme a little time to think over that, too - at least on my end.
[ . . . . she's relieved that she has support. she's probably going to jump into this pool as soon as he's gone and try to drown. mostly kidding.
. . . . as for his own time that he needs to take for that answer - ]
Take all the time you need.
[even longer than the next few weeks is fine with her really? she was probably going to just try to leave the game and emotionally ghost until he got a girlfriend? that was originally her plan, and now she's pretty much just going to continue vibe in that type of plan. it's easy to have faith until you're no longer seeing that person.
it's hard - to feel like she doesn't just cause more problems for him. but she'll try to give him space.]
... I'll see you later. Sorry about the mess today.
[ and that is very genuine. even if it was messy. even if it was exhausting. even if he would like to just go lay on the couch face first for a few hours and then maybe become a dog. thankfully none of iris's game plan gets projected over here, which is good, because his head feels like its swimming with a thousand different thoughts all at once and it does not need any more.
he gives her a little bit of a smile, adjusts his sling a bit, and goes to head back to the dorm. ] See ya later.
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but he says, softening a little, now. ] ... trying counts.
[ it counts to him, at least.
i know you're trying. i've seen it. he thinks, without really meaning to. he's watched her relax in increments. he thought, maybe, maybe -
...
...but ultimately, there's nothing he can do besides try and stay. he knows iris gives love away, because that was why he fell for her, in the first place. but the decision to be willing to take it - he can't force that. that's all iris. ]
...I'm not going anywhere. I promised you that. [ and he doesn't break his promises. imagine i get a murder dm in like five minutes ] ...and I'm trying to get over it. So I'll give you all the time you need to try, but you gotta give me some, too. I need - if that's it, I just need you to believe that I haven't been lying to you, that I care. I just need you to try.
[ i always care. that's always been his greatest strength - and his biggest weakness. ] Okay?
no subject
. . . but her tears stop, even if only because she can't handle the idea of crying in front of someone anymore. it feels so shameful, so silly, when he won't reach out to her but - she supposes that's what they need to do now. if he doesn't want to reach for her, then she'll stop expecting it.]
I can try but I - I have one question.
[and it's something she needs because she's leaving it up to him to decide - because he'd thought something earlier, and it stung so badly to know that she'd done something wrong. she needs to know if he meant it.]
... do you still want me to let you go?
[in whatever way he means. if he wants her to let him leave now, or if he wants her to try to kill whatever feelings she has too. if he needs space, and wants her to pull back. if maybe that line drawn in the sand from weeks ago needs to finally mean something instead of just be something they said.]
no subject
...Like, leave here? I - yeah. I probably need - I need to go cool off. [ not literally. he's still really jittery, still pretty clearly trying to fight back a lot of emotion. I'm gonna go back to the dorm. I need to some time to think.
[ i want to go talk to beau. is what gets projected because sometimes your emotional support big sister is real? also deeply considering going to get polymorphed into a dog for like six hours. that sounds nice.
anyway. ]
....but... [ and, really, he needs some time to think on this, too. he chews on his lip, for a moment. ] ... I want you to do what's going to be the best for you. I know that's probably not the answer you wanna hear, but - it's not right of me to give you one, I don't think. Especially not right now.
[ a small smile. ] I think maybe gimme a little time to think over that, too - at least on my end.
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. . . . as for his own time that he needs to take for that answer - ]
Take all the time you need.
[even longer than the next few weeks is fine with her really? she was probably going to just try to leave the game and emotionally ghost until he got a girlfriend? that was originally her plan, and now she's pretty much just going to continue vibe in that type of plan. it's easy to have faith until you're no longer seeing that person.
it's hard - to feel like she doesn't just cause more problems for him. but she'll try to give him space.]
... I'll see you later. Sorry about the mess today.
no subject
[ and that is very genuine. even if it was messy. even if it was exhausting. even if he would like to just go lay on the couch face first for a few hours and then maybe become a dog. thankfully none of iris's game plan gets projected over here, which is good, because his head feels like its swimming with a thousand different thoughts all at once and it does not need any more.
he gives her a little bit of a smile, adjusts his sling a bit, and goes to head back to the dorm. ] See ya later.