[ . . . . it takes her a second to figure out her emotions afterward, and she fusses briefly with her bangs as she closes her eyes and tries to think of an answer.]
... while I don't want to seem dense...
Could you - speak clearly? Could you tell me exactly what you mean, and what you want from me?
[it probably feels a little bit like setting up a contract -
but she feels like she needs it. some stable understanding of what he's talking to her about. is this what she thinks it is? or is it just some other discussion about their relationship, and the bond between them?]
[ it does absolutely sound like a contract. he's not going to laugh. he's not? but there's like the tiniest quirk of amusement at his mouth. there's the weirdest sense of deja vu at a question like what do you want from me. last time, he'd asked iris that, in a sense of almost desperation.
he'll take the moment to say it right, at least. he's good with his words. bold, when he needs to be. time to grab onto that boldness now.
... ] I wanna tell you point blank that I like you. Dunno if I've said it straight out. [ it was really, really, really REALLY obvious and he's talked about around it more than once, but it's important to him to lay his cards on the table. ichiro, as ever, is too honest not to. if she wants to treat it like a contract, well, hey. might as well be ready to negotiate with all the pieces on the board. ]
And I know we're about to leave this place - and, like fuck it's gonna be the last time I see you, but we live in like, crazy different worlds, and different lives. I know you're busy, and I'm busy, too. But if I leave here without telling you for real, I'm gonna regret it.
If it ends up that it's just - background knowledge when we go our separate ways, then that's what it is. If nothing comes of it, that's cool, too, or - maybe something fucking awesome will come from it. I've got no way of knowing what the future's got in store, especially right now.
But I promised you I wasn't going anywhere, and I'm not. No matter what happens.
I just want to put it on the table. No expectations. I just want you to know.
[ . . . . right. she sighs - somewhere between exhausted and relieved in equal measure because... she expected this. she did. not quite here and not quite now, but once he said that he didn't want to let go, she supposed there was only so much room to go from there.
and - where exactly do they go from here?
. . . . . she tilts her head for a moment, considering.]
.... I don't want to say or do anything that might - suggest anything. I think... it's for the best, if we continue without expectations. I'm a mess. You know this by now and even if I'm trying to get better, I'm not - I don't think I can do anything like that yet. I don't know when I can, or if I can. I'm... thinking about it, but I don't want to you to wait for me.
[because ichiro is sweet, and he is kind. he is so bright and - just as she's told him, so easy to adore. she's seen the way that luxanna looks at him and even if that particular avenue is difficult now, she doesn't think it's the only one that will ever open for him.
if someone or something else that he wants comes along, she hopes that he takes it.]
... I like you too - but I also can't deny I'm fond of Crow, who is much meaner than you are about all this. I hope you haven't apologized to him, because he truly doesn't deserve it. But I also... don't care to choose, when we all have very different things ahead of us. At this point I've told both of you the same thing.
[things might change. they might get distracted, or forget these feelings. she's not the type of person who will place her heart in the hands of an eight week-long infatuation. if he's going to be honest with her then - she thinks she owes him her honesty too.
. . . ]
But do I have your permission to do something a bit selfish, and a bit mean?
[ ichiro meant it when he said no expectations, so - that answer's not surprising, at all. and part of it is because he does know iris that well, that this situation is way too complicated for anything more than that, and he just nods. ]
Yeah, I know. [ because - again. he just wanted to get it on the table. put it out there, leave the air clear. it feels good to have done so. there's no bitterness or loss or hurt or sadness, even, in that simple phrase. just understanding.
... and, admittedly, there's a little sting, about crow, but it's mostly from the situation from before, and that's been soothed over, at least a little bit more than it was before. it may have even been obvious today - some of the things he said rubbed ichiro the wrong way, and iris has the right of it - he's done his goddamn best to be good about as much as he can in his life, and being cruel or mean has never really been his style - and frankly, the places that he differs from crow are some of the places that he considers his best qualities. he doesn't have any hard feelings there, either, not really. it's not a competition. (he is, however, a human being, and still young, and emotions are hard sometimes.)
but, that aside, the last part has him tilt his head, a little bit mischievous.] ...You're asking permission? [ ok. a little teasingly. some very loving giving shit. ] Yeah. Go ahead.
[ what's the worst that could happen at this point, ]
I am asking for permission, which you should consider an honor, because normally I never do when there is something I seek.
[because iris is a decisive person, and she is someone who is not easily denied. she knows the way that her presence commands both attention and respect, and she uses it to her benefit in many situations. she's not afraid of intimidating her way to the results she wants.
. . . it is because she likes ichiro as much as she does that she thought it worthwhile to give him an opportunity to run.
but at the end of the day, iris is selfish and she is greedy. she is someone who does not hate it any time that people promise to be hers, and in fact finds her heart fluttering with every time that someone gives themselves to her. it is perhaps only the worst crime that it has been done repeatedly here.
(ichiro is so good, and he deserves to run. but if he won't - if he chooses again and again to rush to her rather than away then—)
she shifts then, closer to him, and her hand comes up to his cheek. her thumb brushes against his face - a warning, he's clever, he can likely figure out her intention from this moment - but if he does not protest then she will guide his face down closer to hers, just so that it's simpler to slot their lips together in a kiss.
[ the first part makes him smile, amusement flickering easily on his face even in the little space between them - because, yeah. he knows. or... does he? iris has asked his permission for many things, many times; the path that they've tread together has been a long, careful one, with stumbles and faults all along the way. perhaps that is part of why he's been so protective of the idea of her warmth and her kindness, or even why he was so protective over the way the rewrites were handled this morning. iris is still iris - even if she's messy, even if she's selfish - and those things are a part of her as much as anything else, as much as the work and the time and the journey put into learning to heal are, too. she earned those things, even if they're in progress, and he was loathe to let someone erase them and take them away. i'm proud of you for that, an ichiro without memories had said, and it's still true.
when iris touches his cheek, he does know what's coming. there's time to prepare for it, and his eyes flutter shut as she comes close. it feels very shoujo, in the moment, to be settled like this under the stars, colored a little bittersweet that it may in fact be their first kiss, but also, their last. it's a soft, sweet kiss, gentle; his hand curls a little bit in the air before he settles it back down again and chooses to lean in a little closer to return the favor. ichiro's been kissed before, but never quite like this, never in a way that holds so much meaning, after everything has been said and done.
it's enough. it's more than enough.
when he pulls back, it isn't too far - close enough that their noses are still brushing - and ichiro, who is very cool sometimes, is also still a giant nerd and just manages a - ] ...heh. [ noise, because his mouth breaks into a smile. ]
it's soft, and bittersweet. it's something that she recognizes, even with the way that her heart is a little warm with the contact and even now she finds herself thinking that it'd be nice if they had more time than this - but she's made her choices, and feels confident in them. until she can give the people who love her something actually worthy of their affections, she is fine with what small bits of attention she can steal. if anything, this warm moment under the stars in the middle of the summer is not good enough for her.
but when he smiles at her like that, it's so hard to care.
instead she smiles back and leans in briefly, just to press a kiss to the corner of his smile, before she pulls back again.]
... if this is the only chance we get [whether he finds something or someone else to want, or she disappears buried under her own paperwork for the next year, or if their miracles don't quite manifest] I simply didn't want to have something to regret.
I would ask you to forgive my forwardness, but I don't think I will this time. [she will only apologize if there is something to regret, and she doesn't think there is] Thank you for your permission.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
... while I don't want to seem dense...
Could you - speak clearly? Could you tell me exactly what you mean, and what you want from me?
[it probably feels a little bit like setting up a contract -
but she feels like she needs it. some stable understanding of what he's talking to her about. is this what she thinks it is? or is it just some other discussion about their relationship, and the bond between them?]
no subject
he'll take the moment to say it right, at least. he's good with his words. bold, when he needs to be. time to grab onto that boldness now.
... ] I wanna tell you point blank that I like you. Dunno if I've said it straight out. [ it was really, really, really REALLY obvious and he's talked about around it more than once, but it's important to him to lay his cards on the table. ichiro, as ever, is too honest not to. if she wants to treat it like a contract, well, hey. might as well be ready to negotiate with all the pieces on the board. ]
And I know we're about to leave this place - and, like fuck it's gonna be the last time I see you, but we live in like, crazy different worlds, and different lives. I know you're busy, and I'm busy, too. But if I leave here without telling you for real, I'm gonna regret it.
If it ends up that it's just - background knowledge when we go our separate ways, then that's what it is. If nothing comes of it, that's cool, too, or - maybe something fucking awesome will come from it. I've got no way of knowing what the future's got in store, especially right now.
But I promised you I wasn't going anywhere, and I'm not. No matter what happens.
I just want to put it on the table. No expectations. I just want you to know.
no subject
and - where exactly do they go from here?
. . . . . she tilts her head for a moment, considering.]
.... I don't want to say or do anything that might - suggest anything. I think... it's for the best, if we continue without expectations. I'm a mess. You know this by now and even if I'm trying to get better, I'm not - I don't think I can do anything like that yet. I don't know when I can, or if I can. I'm... thinking about it, but I don't want to you to wait for me.
[because ichiro is sweet, and he is kind. he is so bright and - just as she's told him, so easy to adore. she's seen the way that luxanna looks at him and even if that particular avenue is difficult now, she doesn't think it's the only one that will ever open for him.
if someone or something else that he wants comes along, she hopes that he takes it.]
... I like you too - but I also can't deny I'm fond of Crow, who is much meaner than you are about all this. I hope you haven't apologized to him, because he truly doesn't deserve it. But I also... don't care to choose, when we all have very different things ahead of us. At this point I've told both of you the same thing.
[things might change. they might get distracted, or forget these feelings. she's not the type of person who will place her heart in the hands of an eight week-long infatuation. if he's going to be honest with her then - she thinks she owes him her honesty too.
. . . ]
But do I have your permission to do something a bit selfish, and a bit mean?
no subject
Yeah, I know. [ because - again. he just wanted to get it on the table. put it out there, leave the air clear. it feels good to have done so. there's no bitterness or loss or hurt or sadness, even, in that simple phrase. just understanding.
... and, admittedly, there's a little sting, about crow, but it's mostly from the situation from before, and that's been soothed over, at least a little bit more than it was before. it may have even been obvious today - some of the things he said rubbed ichiro the wrong way, and iris has the right of it - he's done his goddamn best to be good about as much as he can in his life, and being cruel or mean has never really been his style - and frankly, the places that he differs from crow are some of the places that he considers his best qualities. he doesn't have any hard feelings there, either, not really. it's not a competition. (he is, however, a human being, and still young, and emotions are hard sometimes.)
but, that aside, the last part has him tilt his head, a little bit mischievous.] ...You're asking permission? [ ok. a little teasingly. some very loving giving shit. ] Yeah. Go ahead.
[ what's the worst that could happen at this point, ]
no subject
[because iris is a decisive person, and she is someone who is not easily denied. she knows the way that her presence commands both attention and respect, and she uses it to her benefit in many situations. she's not afraid of intimidating her way to the results she wants.
. . . it is because she likes ichiro as much as she does that she thought it worthwhile to give him an opportunity to run.
but at the end of the day, iris is selfish and she is greedy. she is someone who does not hate it any time that people promise to be hers, and in fact finds her heart fluttering with every time that someone gives themselves to her. it is perhaps only the worst crime that it has been done repeatedly here.
(ichiro is so good, and he deserves to run. but if he won't - if he chooses again and again to rush to her rather than away then—)
she shifts then, closer to him, and her hand comes up to his cheek. her thumb brushes against his face - a warning, he's clever, he can likely figure out her intention from this moment - but if he does not protest then she will guide his face down closer to hers, just so that it's simpler to slot their lips together in a kiss.
selfish.
and mean.
she really is a bit wicked.]
no subject
when iris touches his cheek, he does know what's coming. there's time to prepare for it, and his eyes flutter shut as she comes close. it feels very shoujo, in the moment, to be settled like this under the stars, colored a little bittersweet that it may in fact be their first kiss, but also, their last. it's a soft, sweet kiss, gentle; his hand curls a little bit in the air before he settles it back down again and chooses to lean in a little closer to return the favor. ichiro's been kissed before, but never quite like this, never in a way that holds so much meaning, after everything has been said and done.
it's enough. it's more than enough.
when he pulls back, it isn't too far - close enough that their noses are still brushing - and ichiro, who is very cool sometimes, is also still a giant nerd and just manages a - ] ...heh. [ noise, because his mouth breaks into a smile. ]
no subject
it's soft, and bittersweet. it's something that she recognizes, even with the way that her heart is a little warm with the contact and even now she finds herself thinking that it'd be nice if they had more time than this - but she's made her choices, and feels confident in them. until she can give the people who love her something actually worthy of their affections, she is fine with what small bits of attention she can steal. if anything, this warm moment under the stars in the middle of the summer is not good enough for her.
but when he smiles at her like that, it's so hard to care.
instead she smiles back and leans in briefly, just to press a kiss to the corner of his smile, before she pulls back again.]
... if this is the only chance we get [whether he finds something or someone else to want, or she disappears buried under her own paperwork for the next year, or if their miracles don't quite manifest] I simply didn't want to have something to regret.
I would ask you to forgive my forwardness, but I don't think I will this time. [she will only apologize if there is something to regret, and she doesn't think there is] Thank you for your permission.