[ we're batting like 0/6 on this plot thing but at least he got to hold viola's hand and be very otome with her today
he nods... ] I kinda don't, honestly. Lucretia-san gave me a couple tips for what to do if I get caught alone and I've got it to defend myself, but I'm not sure what to do with it otherwise, so... probably better if I can't. I guess I'll figure out something fun to do with it by the end of the week, cause I'm not about to hurt someone with it.
[ and then, eventually, a little more plaintively; ] I want to help, you know, Vi-chan? It feels like I'm just running into walls all over the place.
[ . . . . . she'll give his hand a small squeeze then, looking up at him as they pause by the ice rink.]
I'd rather not consider things like that - but I do hope that you'll be able to take care of yourself, no matter what comes. At least during the moments where I can't take care of you myself.
[she's so protective, it's just encoded in her. but she pauses at that]
... you can help. I'm sure of it. Gathering and disseminating information, trying to keep people safe and come up with ideas - they all lead to things. I know that it feels like results are slim now... but they'll surely come with all the effort you're putting in.
[ he looks down, feeling it when she looks up at him - and it's not so much frustration as it is just worry. viola's protective, but so is he, fiercely so, and it's not in his nature to ever stand still.
it softens into a little bit of a smile at the pep talk, though, and he seems pensive for a second. ]
I know. Hard, consistent work is what gets results for anything - there's never an easy way out that doesn't come with a cost. [ and god, doesn't he know it. ] After last week, I just...
I want to protect people the best that I can. That's what I do at home, too. Anyone I can, however I can.
It's kinda crazy that there are so many people in our group who can do wild stuff. Hope saving his vouchers up to heal other people with his magic instead of fixing himself - like, I just keep thinking about that. I can give him the ones I got to help, because I'm sitting on this little pool of 'em, now, and I can keep tossing those vouchers at people who are better suited to help, but...
...it's like we talked about on Saturday, at the trial. My mic's cool. It can do cool stuff, but the only way I've ever learned how to use it is to hurt. I can't heal people like Jakurai-san, or even make illusions like Ramuda, or do much of anything that isn't attacking with it. I've gotten really good at that, but not because I wanna hurt people, or anything - it's the opposite of that - but because it's the power I have that I can use to defend the little guy when the world's trying to pick on them.
I hate seeing people get beaten down, you know? No matter what it's by. Life, or people being assholes, or weird mind control - whatever it is. But I can't use that power to really do anything helpful, here, and it's the same with this elemental thing. I can't wake up in the middle of the night here and freeze some asshole trying to frame people in our dorm.
[ and that's hard to deal with! getting that power made him feel sort of trapped in it, too. weird not to want to be a DPS. what is this feeling, character development.
ichiro looks away, again. ] I dunno. I guess all I ever do is hurt people to help other people, and I don't know how to do different. Like I said, being delicate - I'm really shitty at it.
[ there's.
a pause, as he realizes what he just did, flushes a little, and shakes his head. ] Uh. Sorry. Didn't mean to unload that on you. We - gotta get skates, right? We should do that.
arguably, yes, it makes sense to get skates. but you know what's more important right now? ichiro. ichiro and everything that he's holding onto, all these complicated feelings in his chest, and everything that viola can hope to do in order to make them go away. she pauses at that and she brings her free hand up to his face once he's done shaking his head, guiding his cheek so that he has to meet her gaze again.
they're not dancing this time, but it feels all the more important to take his attention.]
I can give you that. If you want to be able to heal people - I can give you that, even if it's not something that you have at home. If it's something that you want now, you need only say the word, and I will give you the price, and you will be able to do more for people as your heart pleases.
Here, we are only limited by the scope of our imagination and creativity - you don't need to fall back on what you know if there's more that you want to be, Ichiro.
[ . . . ]
That said, who you are is - more than fine. You're wonderful, you know. You're clever, which is so much more important than being smart. And you're kind, which is infinitely more worthwhile than being naturally gifted in any particular field.
Your interests and mine align. Wanting to protect people, wanting to look after them. But there's something fortunate about this in the sense that if there is anything that you could possibly want, I will find a way to give it to you. You need only ask it of me.
If you're worried about not being able to handle what's delicate, then I can guide your hands until you get the hang of it - just like dancing.
[she drops her hand so that she can just hold onto his with both of hers then, cradling it gently]
We can get through this together easier than we can apart.
[ he feels - actually kind of bad for dumping that on viola, sort of jittery and all over the place because of it. it's been bothering him for days now, since he hung out with lucretia on friday and watched how upset she was, even if she tried to hide it, how she told him later on in the week - the thing about focusing on damage is that it will always leave you open.
his openness is one of his strengths. heart on his sleeve, eyes forward, ichiro's not afraid of anything, but lucretia had been right. it does leave him vulnerable, without his brothers by his side. it really leaves him vulnerable in a place like this, where so many factors are out of his hands that it's impossible to figure out where to even start. he's been relying on being the backbone of their dorm, but with the loss of rupert last week, even that was shaken.
pulling his face over does get him to look at her, stop-and-go eyes focused, if a little soulful, brows knit together in conflict. open and honest, as he always is, conflicted in feeling like he can't do things to make things right. patient enough for the long game, but only when people around him aren't dying; this pulls at his strength and tests his resolve. he's listening, though, focusing on her words, trying to take them to heart the best he can.
creative, imaginative. the things that make him good at the weapon he does have - his words are rapid fire clever in the heat of the moment, a quick thinker when the time's right, but clumsy when he's trying to get across how much he cares, or when he needs to stay calm and can't control his anger. ichiro wants to break down walls, wants to tear through injustice with his bare fists, but it's never that easy. it wasn't with chuuoku, and it won't be here. ]
...I know. [ to - to getting through it together, anyway. that parts easy. his brothers and his division have always been the source of his strength. here, the tight knit nature of winter dorm feels much like the same, a pulsing heartbeat that took a heavy hit this weekend. the kinder words she says resonate, too, and... viola really does remind ichiro of nemu, sometimes.
i have strength. something he's told himself a hundred thousand times in his life. i have it. he looks at the small, elegant hands holding his own, and tries to come back to what they were saying. tries to move forward instead of letting the bramble of complications stop him in his tracks. ]
... healing people is - [ ... ] - it's something that I think we have under control. [ this is going to be funny when i come back from cyoa i hope hes brutalized to all hell ] I don't know if that's - if that's what I'm supposed to do. I don't think it feels like it is.
[ quiet, for a second, as his eyes move back and forth, thinking. like he's trying to work over everything he's learned since he's gotten here. i can guide you, she says. ]
...I want to find a way to move forward. [ that - that feels like ichiro yamada. more than stagnating, more than just throwing vouchers to the wind and hoping someone with the capabilities to help stronger than his would find them. ] Whether it's at a trial, or - or beyond that. I think I want to help beyond that. I know - I know we're on the right path, but I wanna light up more steps of it, so maybe everybody else with the other abilities can help blow the roof off in ways I can't.
[ because he's not just an angry, trapped kid, not anymore. he's a division leader, with a neighborhood at his back. with a dorm at his back here, too. ]
[she watches him closely, observes the tension, and the hand that's holding onto his, just moves to covering the back of his hand, her fingers pressing against it just to try to ease some of the way that his nerves seem to be alight with frenetic energy. she recognizes it at least, knows it's familiar. but if she can hold onto this hand before it slams into another wall in anger, then that's the least she can do.]
Okay.
Then save three vouchers to buy from me come Sunday. We can't sell to the same people over and over again - so it's better if Winter Dorm comes up with a rotation. Share what you get, and give it to others. Maybe it'll help with the larger puzzle.
If you want something for trial - get clever. Ways to narrow down suspect pools, to highlight important pieces of evidence, to figure out what questions you need to ask so that you don't let any innocent person get expelled inappropriately.
Think of things like systems, rather than individual instances - and create systems that will allow for greater chances of success. If everything works in tandem, the pieces may align better.
[because this is what viola does - this is how she thinks. inventing, creating, manifesting things out of thin air because just because something doesn't exist doesn't mean that it shouldn't. there's a lot in the world that's still missing.]
[ okay. okay, this really helps. this is true guidance - viola really is good at this. for a moment, he looks appreciative, and it flashes across his face, before he nods. okay. okay.
three vouchers set aside for info? done. easy. that parts a piece of cake.
viola said be creative. systems. things they can reuse, things that help them. he looks down at her hands on his, and he thinks. there's a moment of quiet as he does, brows furrowed tight, but working something over in his head. they've already got plenty of ways to find truth - or, they've got at least a couple.
... ]
What about something to find a missing piece of evidence? An item. Like - we couldn't find Lan Wangji's guqin strings. [ was that a key piece of evidence? probably not, but it was something that stuck with him. he's trying to put his head in those old video games he liked - ap*llo j*stice style. ] Like... a divining rod, or something. Or a dog with a really strong nose.
[ gu yun? no that parts maybe a little bit more joking. some of that energy starts to focus, finding a fine point, his fingertips tapping against viola's. think. think. think. ] ...Or - well, we don't always miss things. Something we could use like a system...
...What about something we could ask a question or two? Like - one of those old magic 8 balls. You know what I'm talking about? You shake it and it gives you an answer. Something like "has the culprit gone out to investigate and look for evidence" and it tells you "ask again later" or "yes" or "no" or... something like that?
[she gives his hand a squeeze, her expression lightening]
Very good. I can give you either of those - one use only, 6 Vouchers base price, I can knock it down a little, and you can't stock them so you'll have to choose carefully. You can ask for another once you're doing using it, though. Be smart, but having a tool like that will already serve you well.
Others in Winter are looking into getting more powers back to help as well, so I think you're on your way to creating a good set of resources at your disposal.
See? [she seems pleased with his suggestions, expression calming with his ingenuity] You've got this, Ichiro.
[ he nods, and... though he doesn't quite light up, the smile that crosses his face is genuine, and warmer, slower to spread. ichiro's not one to give up on anything, but it feels - it feels good, to make something with your own hands, to make it come to life. it's like writing cyphers, the way he can twist words around to be bullets; the same ones used here to make next week in these damned trials go a little smoother.
ichiro's head ducks, again, and he nods. viola's praise stirs in his chest. ] ...yeah. Let me... let me think about it. I'll talk it over with Beau and Kon. [ and maybe caleb because his wizard dad is really smart. ] We got this. [ not just 'you', but we. as a whole. winter dorm, but the campus, and their beloved dorm heads included.] We got this. We're gonna do better, every time.
[ feeling emboldened, now, he nods a third time and squeezes her hands, and the smile gets more boyish, more familiar. ] You really are good at that. Being a guide. Kinda makes people feel like they can do anything, you know? With good people at their back.
[the way that his expression evens out manages to get her heart to settle, and she sighs in relief before she can really catch herself. she lets him squeeze her hands and smiles in response, tilting her head]
I mean it when I said I'd do whatever you all ask of me.
And that means being whatever it is that you need me to be at any moment in time. You're welcome, Ichiro - anytime, and anything.
[ You are about to go to war. Not with swords and shields, but with words and reputation. You know what happens if you’re to lose the upcoming inquisition. Your father will lose his position as Prime Minister, your fief will fall into turmoil as outside trade collapses, your corporation and every worker under your oversight will face financial crisis and risk so many innocent, good people losing their livelihood. Everyone is relying on you.
Everything that you’ve spent years building - your land, your work, your peaceful town that was never meant to lose to the capital - could be ripped from your hands.
And for what?
A false accusation. A suggestion that the orphanage that you created was wrong because it stole property from none other than God. You know in your heart that even for all your attempts at peace, there are people who simply cannot stand to leave you be.
Isn’t it shameful to have an existence that only causes turmoil? That only causes trouble for everyone around you, no matter how hard you try to do everything right?
Even after Dean - a confidant, whipsmart and brilliant - gives you a piece to save everything, you find yourself being pushed to the very edge of your composure.
he's starting to feel more confident, now, ready to duck past this slightly embarrassing if incredibly helpful and also motivating vent session and go back to their skating, when he's suddenly slapped with a memory.
pressure, now that's familiar. not to the extent that it was for viola - for iris - but when she cracks, it's almost made physical. when she falls apart, he feels it, he feels her anger and her stress and the visceral reaction to the unfairness and cruelties of a world he can't even begin to understand. she really held the whole world on her shoulders, didn't she?
and here, in this dorm, when she shies away from them all when things go wrong - things make so much sense.
more than anything, that feeling of being left behind - that resonates. that sticks. but the winter dorm isn't going to do that, are they? he's not going to do that. he's not going anywhere.
it's a good thing, really, that she's still holding his hand in both of hers, because his other one comes up, and ichiro grabs onto hers tight, surrounding her hand instead, and says, full of feeling - ] Iris.
[ because, that's who she was, in that memory. there are a thousand things in there to unpack, but the fierce want to help takes first priority. the first need to be something strong to lean on, when the whole world's fallen apart. isn't that what he's always been good at? being someone steady.
he doesn't know what she'll see - what remembering this might do to her, how it might impact the state she's in, right now, with this dubious mind control over everything. they'll start there. the rest - the rest has to come in time. his heart's thudding in his chest, though, and he squeezes tight. tell me you're here. ]
her head hurts. it's dizzying, to feel like you've had three whole lifetimes jammed into your head, even if that memory was short it still contained two. her gaze is unfocused for a moment as she panics, confused, and then even more unsure when ichiro calls her by a name that isn't hers.
iris?
why does that name keep coming up?]
Who....
[who am I?
though she's still nervous - a bit scared. he takes her hand so certainly and her instinct is to pull away, to get back, before anyone can give her any kindness she might fall into without realizing. she can't risk that.]
I'm sorry if I'm not the person you want me to be.
ichiro's response is instant; he squeezes her hand, his words intense, heavy with concern, not anger. ]
I don't want you to be anyone. I just want to make sure you're okay, Vi. Really okay.
[ no expectation, no wants, nothing like that. ichiro's friendship and affection does not come with a price tag, nor does it get easily returned. he's been burned twice by this in ways that have hurt him to his core, but even now, he hasn't changed.
... the memory belonged to iris, and iris is - well. they're gonna figure out whatever the hell is wrong with this place, and they're gonna get iris out of there. he'll put it aside, for now. the benefit of being mind controlled is you dont have to talk about your emotional trauma, probably? ]
her hand is tense in his hold, as if ready to snap. she searches his expression for any doubt any duplicity, anything that might suggest that this could be just to placate her. it's hard to trust. it's hard to believe in kindness.
but she knows that ichiro is often sincere and so bit by excruciatingly slow bit, she eases.]
... I'm fine.
[she's clearly not, but she'll say it.
even if that sort of compartmentalizing might be what gets her into that type of explosive emotional mess in the first place]
[ there's a beat. he matches her gaze when she looks at him, brows knit together, eyes a little dark and worried, and genuine. ]
... are you fine? [ because ichiro's not the smartest guy in the world. he's not, he never has been, but he works hard, and his heart is strong enough that his emotional intelligence makes up for it. ] Or... do you want me to pretend you're fine for a little bit?
[ because that's super unhealthy but he also can give her the option. he can feel that tenseness, like she's going to bolt like a terrified bird any second. ]
[ he watches, for a moment, fussy, watches his reaction, and feels that squeeze of determination thread itself into the worry. the fear. ]
... Right now, I'm just trying to talk to you. [ he squeezes her hand, one more time. it's always frustrating, to not know what to do - just like he'd talked about before - bt he has to be patient. and, maybe there are little ways he can help. viola is iris and iris is viola, he guesses, but they aren't, and it's a lot for him to understand, too. he's just not smart enough for this. ]
...maybe I can't do a lot, but I can distract you for a little bit. You've gotta go school me at ice skating. [ another squeeze, a puppylike earnestness at the edge of his voice as he picks up a little of his warmth again, tries to keep that angry, bubbling concern at a low simmer. ] Or we can go throw snowballs at each other. That always helps, or I can just -- anything, Vi.
when she opens her eyes again and watches him, it's wary. distrustful. even if those memories aren't hers, the feelings in them are... familiar. aren't those ugly feelings reason enough to cast her aside?
but he squeezes her hand and she tries to relax, letting her fingers curl ever so slightly to return his hold. but she's clearly still... well, nervous.]
[ this time, when ichiro grins, it's back to normal. the smile is warm and bright, determined. always 100%.
what a great time for a memory share of his own! ]
[ it's a quick memory, and at first, it's one that's confusing. you are running up the stairs of a building, following behind a guy in a leather jacket with something written on the back of it. you're feeling angry, but determined, but underneath that? you're terrified. there's a single, bright point of fear as you rush to the top floor of a building, because your brothers could be in danger and you have to save them.
as you make it up to the top floor, you hear low, muttered voices - and you hear a panicked gasp, and you know that voice, that's jiro. terror grips your heart like ice and you throw yourself onto the landing and scramble for the door -
samatoki bursts out of the staircase first, and you're a second behind him, and you can see over his shoulder -- a shoe? that is definitely a woman's heeled shoe that goes sailing across from where it hit its original target. it's followed immediately by a girl's voice.
"Hey! You wanted to cut off my fingers! So do it!"
the scene comes into view from behind samatoki - a man that you know as the head of the orphanage you live in is holding a knife in one hand, and the wrist of a young woman in the other. she's holding perfectly still despite the knife a centimeter from her finger, refusing to scream.
...unlike her brother, who launches forward with a scream of YOU FUCKER! and attempts to tackle the man, who just roundhouse kicks him in the stomach and chides him for his loud attack. samatoki snarls at him, but you're not even paying attention, because you look from the brave girl back and you see your entire world, hands tied together, at the wall. terrified, unharmed - but alive.
the emotion threatens to burst out of you, and you're shouting before you can help yourself as you skid onto the scene. ] Jiro, Saburo! I'm coming to get you out of there as fast as I can! Wait for me!
[ the two of them look stunned. jiro stammers a soft, "Wh... why?"
and you love your brothers, so much, but that is a stupid as hell question. ] Does a guy need a reason to rescue his brothers? I'm doing it because you're important to me!
[ the boys stare at you for a moment longer, as you turn all of your fire onto the man who was supposed to raise you, a dick named genchou housen. a person you have never liked, you have never trusted. (you have learned never to trust adults. that burns in your core. you never trust them.)
behind him steps out your boss. mozuku, the head of the dirty jobs business you can't stand. the guy you beat the shit out of with samatoki as you finally broke free of his stairway2heaven just a few days before, and shit starts to get real.
so you battle. you fight, and mozuku and housen beat the shit out of you both. the attacks come relentlessly - hypnosis mics break up your whole soul, rattle you from the inside out. you know you could take these clowns with your eyes closed, let alone with samatoki next to you, but you take every single hit, because your resolve is steady and you refuse to be knocked down.
you rap like shit, samatoki says from next to you. you laugh, a scoff, and wipe your mouth, spit blood on the floor, and jerk your head up in defiance. ] I'm not done yet.
[ housen grins, and they another verse comes. brutal, more painful than the last. you can feel it, frying your braincells, making you bleed. another hit might do you in.
you glance to the left. this top floor of this building is a restaurant - there are tables and chairs thrown everywhere, and a roll of silverware is undone on the floor, not far away. you can see a fork, a knife. two pairs of chopsticks.
and you get an idea.
you glance at samatoki. you've barely known each other for 24 hours, but you're on the same wavelength. mozuku laughs. seems like this one's going to be your last!
think again, bastard, you think, and you grab the chopsticks, straighten up, and with zero hesitation, jam them into your ears, popping both of your eardrums in one fluid, painful motion. the world goes deaf, and the pain doesn't matter, even if it makes you want to scream.
because you'll take another twenty rounds of this hell if it means jiro and saburo get to walk out of here alive. you will do anything for the people that matter to you.
viola's eyes widen suddenly at the memory and - it makes sense, she supposes. with what she knows of ichiro.
and yet even so.
she pulls her hand out of his grip instantly, and brings her hands up to rest on either side of his head, covering his ears from the cold with her own hands as if to protect them]
[ this is the cutest possible reaction to this im on the floor
he -- freezes? the pain is a burst of white but it's not unfamiliar, and he's left startled, staring at her with big, wide eyes as he comes back to reality. ]
...Huh? [ oh. oh, right. ] Oh. Oh - hey, hey, Vi-chan, it's okay, it was just a memory...
[ . . . oh, she's covering his ears, he might not be able to hear. she lets her hands drop to his shoulders instead, grip not quite tight but definitely like she's tempted to shake him]
[ that's fine. it was a little muffled! boy she's gonna have a time on thursday
the tight grip is fine, if a little surprising, too?? he can hear fine, it was a really long time ago and jakurai healed him up fine, and... her concern is kind of knocking him out a little bit. he reaches up to kind of half cover her hands with his? ]
...Uh, sorry. I... if I could've stopped it, I would've. The memory.
[ not the stabbing out his own ear drums... well, maybe, because hindsight is 20/20 and now he knows jakurai was right there. ] It's all good, it's okay. I'm okay.
[her brow furrows at that - ] It's not the memory that I wanted stopped. I'm not asking you to hide things from me, I just—
[under his touch, he'll feel how tense she is. it's immediate, every time she sees one of her own in danger. the way that she wants to snatch out and take whatever is hurting them away herself.
but so much of the time it feels like all she can do is watch.]
... I know you feel strongly and that... that seemed like the solution but -
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he nods... ] I kinda don't, honestly. Lucretia-san gave me a couple tips for what to do if I get caught alone and I've got it to defend myself, but I'm not sure what to do with it otherwise, so... probably better if I can't. I guess I'll figure out something fun to do with it by the end of the week, cause I'm not about to hurt someone with it.
[ and then, eventually, a little more plaintively; ] I want to help, you know, Vi-chan? It feels like I'm just running into walls all over the place.
no subject
I'd rather not consider things like that - but I do hope that you'll be able to take care of yourself, no matter what comes. At least during the moments where I can't take care of you myself.
[she's so protective, it's just encoded in her. but she pauses at that]
... you can help. I'm sure of it. Gathering and disseminating information, trying to keep people safe and come up with ideas - they all lead to things. I know that it feels like results are slim now... but they'll surely come with all the effort you're putting in.
no subject
it softens into a little bit of a smile at the pep talk, though, and he seems pensive for a second. ]
I know. Hard, consistent work is what gets results for anything - there's never an easy way out that doesn't come with a cost. [ and god, doesn't he know it. ] After last week, I just...
I want to protect people the best that I can. That's what I do at home, too. Anyone I can, however I can.
It's kinda crazy that there are so many people in our group who can do wild stuff. Hope saving his vouchers up to heal other people with his magic instead of fixing himself - like, I just keep thinking about that. I can give him the ones I got to help, because I'm sitting on this little pool of 'em, now, and I can keep tossing those vouchers at people who are better suited to help, but...
...it's like we talked about on Saturday, at the trial. My mic's cool. It can do cool stuff, but the only way I've ever learned how to use it is to hurt. I can't heal people like Jakurai-san, or even make illusions like Ramuda, or do much of anything that isn't attacking with it. I've gotten really good at that, but not because I wanna hurt people, or anything - it's the opposite of that - but because it's the power I have that I can use to defend the little guy when the world's trying to pick on them.
I hate seeing people get beaten down, you know? No matter what it's by. Life, or people being assholes, or weird mind control - whatever it is. But I can't use that power to really do anything helpful, here, and it's the same with this elemental thing. I can't wake up in the middle of the night here and freeze some asshole trying to frame people in our dorm.
[ and that's hard to deal with! getting that power made him feel sort of trapped in it, too. weird not to want to be a DPS. what is this feeling, character development.
ichiro looks away, again. ] I dunno. I guess all I ever do is hurt people to help other people, and I don't know how to do different. Like I said, being delicate - I'm really shitty at it.
[ there's.
a pause, as he realizes what he just did, flushes a little, and shakes his head. ] Uh. Sorry. Didn't mean to unload that on you. We - gotta get skates, right? We should do that.
no subject
arguably, yes, it makes sense to get skates. but you know what's more important right now? ichiro. ichiro and everything that he's holding onto, all these complicated feelings in his chest, and everything that viola can hope to do in order to make them go away. she pauses at that and she brings her free hand up to his face once he's done shaking his head, guiding his cheek so that he has to meet her gaze again.
they're not dancing this time, but it feels all the more important to take his attention.]
I can give you that. If you want to be able to heal people - I can give you that, even if it's not something that you have at home. If it's something that you want now, you need only say the word, and I will give you the price, and you will be able to do more for people as your heart pleases.
Here, we are only limited by the scope of our imagination and creativity - you don't need to fall back on what you know if there's more that you want to be, Ichiro.
[ . . . ]
That said, who you are is - more than fine. You're wonderful, you know. You're clever, which is so much more important than being smart. And you're kind, which is infinitely more worthwhile than being naturally gifted in any particular field.
Your interests and mine align. Wanting to protect people, wanting to look after them. But there's something fortunate about this in the sense that if there is anything that you could possibly want, I will find a way to give it to you. You need only ask it of me.
If you're worried about not being able to handle what's delicate, then I can guide your hands until you get the hang of it - just like dancing.
[she drops her hand so that she can just hold onto his with both of hers then, cradling it gently]
We can get through this together easier than we can apart.
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his openness is one of his strengths. heart on his sleeve, eyes forward, ichiro's not afraid of anything, but lucretia had been right. it does leave him vulnerable, without his brothers by his side. it really leaves him vulnerable in a place like this, where so many factors are out of his hands that it's impossible to figure out where to even start. he's been relying on being the backbone of their dorm, but with the loss of rupert last week, even that was shaken.
pulling his face over does get him to look at her, stop-and-go eyes focused, if a little soulful, brows knit together in conflict. open and honest, as he always is, conflicted in feeling like he can't do things to make things right. patient enough for the long game, but only when people around him aren't dying; this pulls at his strength and tests his resolve. he's listening, though, focusing on her words, trying to take them to heart the best he can.
creative, imaginative. the things that make him good at the weapon he does have - his words are rapid fire clever in the heat of the moment, a quick thinker when the time's right, but clumsy when he's trying to get across how much he cares, or when he needs to stay calm and can't control his anger. ichiro wants to break down walls, wants to tear through injustice with his bare fists, but it's never that easy. it wasn't with chuuoku, and it won't be here. ]
...I know. [ to - to getting through it together, anyway. that parts easy. his brothers and his division have always been the source of his strength. here, the tight knit nature of winter dorm feels much like the same, a pulsing heartbeat that took a heavy hit this weekend. the kinder words she says resonate, too, and... viola really does remind ichiro of nemu, sometimes.
i have strength. something he's told himself a hundred thousand times in his life. i have it. he looks at the small, elegant hands holding his own, and tries to come back to what they were saying. tries to move forward instead of letting the bramble of complications stop him in his tracks. ]
... healing people is - [ ... ] - it's something that I think we have under control. [ this is going to be funny when i come back from cyoa i hope hes brutalized to all hell ] I don't know if that's - if that's what I'm supposed to do. I don't think it feels like it is.
[ quiet, for a second, as his eyes move back and forth, thinking. like he's trying to work over everything he's learned since he's gotten here. i can guide you, she says. ]
...I want to find a way to move forward. [ that - that feels like ichiro yamada. more than stagnating, more than just throwing vouchers to the wind and hoping someone with the capabilities to help stronger than his would find them. ] Whether it's at a trial, or - or beyond that. I think I want to help beyond that. I know - I know we're on the right path, but I wanna light up more steps of it, so maybe everybody else with the other abilities can help blow the roof off in ways I can't.
[ because he's not just an angry, trapped kid, not anymore. he's a division leader, with a neighborhood at his back. with a dorm at his back here, too. ]
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Okay.
Then save three vouchers to buy from me come Sunday. We can't sell to the same people over and over again - so it's better if Winter Dorm comes up with a rotation. Share what you get, and give it to others. Maybe it'll help with the larger puzzle.
If you want something for trial - get clever. Ways to narrow down suspect pools, to highlight important pieces of evidence, to figure out what questions you need to ask so that you don't let any innocent person get expelled inappropriately.
Think of things like systems, rather than individual instances - and create systems that will allow for greater chances of success. If everything works in tandem, the pieces may align better.
[because this is what viola does - this is how she thinks. inventing, creating, manifesting things out of thin air because just because something doesn't exist doesn't mean that it shouldn't. there's a lot in the world that's still missing.]
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three vouchers set aside for info? done. easy. that parts a piece of cake.
viola said be creative. systems. things they can reuse, things that help them. he looks down at her hands on his, and he thinks. there's a moment of quiet as he does, brows furrowed tight, but working something over in his head. they've already got plenty of ways to find truth - or, they've got at least a couple.
... ]
What about something to find a missing piece of evidence? An item. Like - we couldn't find Lan Wangji's guqin strings. [ was that a key piece of evidence? probably not, but it was something that stuck with him. he's trying to put his head in those old video games he liked - ap*llo j*stice style. ] Like... a divining rod, or something. Or a dog with a really strong nose.
[
gu yun? nothat parts maybe a little bit more joking. some of that energy starts to focus, finding a fine point, his fingertips tapping against viola's. think. think. think. ] ...Or - well, we don't always miss things. Something we could use like a system......What about something we could ask a question or two? Like - one of those old magic 8 balls. You know what I'm talking about? You shake it and it gives you an answer. Something like "has the culprit gone out to investigate and look for evidence" and it tells you "ask again later" or "yes" or "no" or... something like that?
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Very good. I can give you either of those - one use only, 6 Vouchers base price, I can knock it down a little, and you can't stock them so you'll have to choose carefully. You can ask for another once you're doing using it, though. Be smart, but having a tool like that will already serve you well.
Others in Winter are looking into getting more powers back to help as well, so I think you're on your way to creating a good set of resources at your disposal.
See? [she seems pleased with his suggestions, expression calming with his ingenuity] You've got this, Ichiro.
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ichiro's head ducks, again, and he nods. viola's praise stirs in his chest. ] ...yeah. Let me... let me think about it. I'll talk it over with Beau and Kon. [ and maybe caleb because his wizard dad is really smart. ] We got this. [ not just 'you', but we. as a whole. winter dorm, but the campus, and their beloved dorm heads included.] We got this. We're gonna do better, every time.
[ feeling emboldened, now, he nods a third time and squeezes her hands, and the smile gets more boyish, more familiar. ] You really are good at that. Being a guide. Kinda makes people feel like they can do anything, you know? With good people at their back.
...thanks, Vi.
[1/2]
I mean it when I said I'd do whatever you all ask of me.
And that means being whatever it is that you need me to be at any moment in time. You're welcome, Ichiro - anytime, and anything.
[ - but isn't there a price to that?
to always being what people need.]
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Everything that you’ve spent years building - your land, your work, your peaceful town that was never meant to lose to the capital - could be ripped from your hands.
And for what?
A false accusation. A suggestion that the orphanage that you created was wrong because it stole property from none other than God. You know in your heart that even for all your attempts at peace, there are people who simply cannot stand to leave you be.
Isn’t it shameful to have an existence that only causes turmoil? That only causes trouble for everyone around you, no matter how hard you try to do everything right?
Even after Dean - a confidant, whipsmart and brilliant - gives you a piece to save everything, you find yourself being pushed to the very edge of your composure.
”You think that if I cry and ask for help some prince on a white horse will show up?!”
It is a far, distant cry from your usual grace. You know the face you’re making must be pitiful and ugly.
Lady Iris, the Duke’s Daughter. Lady Iris, the CEO of the Azuta Corporation. Lady Iris, the invited guest of the Dowager Empress.
Lady Iris, crumbling under pressure. Lady Iris, cowardly, spiteful, useless. Lady Iris - will never be good enough.
Doesn’t it feel inevitable then, that everyone will leave you behind again? ]
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he's starting to feel more confident, now, ready to duck past this slightly embarrassing if incredibly helpful and also motivating vent session and go back to their skating, when he's suddenly slapped with a memory.
pressure, now that's familiar. not to the extent that it was for viola - for iris - but when she cracks, it's almost made physical. when she falls apart, he feels it, he feels her anger and her stress and the visceral reaction to the unfairness and cruelties of a world he can't even begin to understand. she really held the whole world on her shoulders, didn't she?
and here, in this dorm, when she shies away from them all when things go wrong - things make so much sense.
more than anything, that feeling of being left behind - that resonates. that sticks. but the winter dorm isn't going to do that, are they? he's not going to do that. he's not going anywhere.
it's a good thing, really, that she's still holding his hand in both of hers, because his other one comes up, and ichiro grabs onto hers tight, surrounding her hand instead, and says, full of feeling - ] Iris.
[ because, that's who she was, in that memory. there are a thousand things in there to unpack, but the fierce want to help takes first priority. the first need to be something strong to lean on, when the whole world's fallen apart. isn't that what he's always been good at? being someone steady.
he doesn't know what she'll see - what remembering this might do to her, how it might impact the state she's in, right now, with this dubious mind control over everything. they'll start there. the rest - the rest has to come in time. his heart's thudding in his chest, though, and he squeezes tight. tell me you're here. ]
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her head hurts. it's dizzying, to feel like you've had three whole lifetimes jammed into your head, even if that memory was short it still contained two. her gaze is unfocused for a moment as she panics, confused, and then even more unsure when ichiro calls her by a name that isn't hers.
iris?
why does that name keep coming up?]
Who....
[who am I?
though she's still nervous - a bit scared. he takes her hand so certainly and her instinct is to pull away, to get back, before anyone can give her any kindness she might fall into without realizing. she can't risk that.]
I'm sorry if I'm not the person you want me to be.
[but she's not iris.]
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ichiro's response is instant; he squeezes her hand, his words intense, heavy with concern, not anger. ]
I don't want you to be anyone. I just want to make sure you're okay, Vi. Really okay.
[ no expectation, no wants, nothing like that. ichiro's friendship and affection does not come with a price tag, nor does it get easily returned. he's been burned twice by this in ways that have hurt him to his core, but even now, he hasn't changed.
... the memory belonged to iris, and iris is - well. they're gonna figure out whatever the hell is wrong with this place, and they're gonna get iris out of there. he'll put it aside, for now. the benefit of being mind controlled is you dont have to talk about your emotional trauma, probably? ]
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her hand is tense in his hold, as if ready to snap. she searches his expression for any doubt any duplicity, anything that might suggest that this could be just to placate her. it's hard to trust. it's hard to believe in kindness.
but she knows that ichiro is often sincere and so bit by excruciatingly slow bit, she eases.]
... I'm fine.
[she's clearly not, but she'll say it.
even if that sort of compartmentalizing might be what gets her into that type of explosive emotional mess in the first place]
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... are you fine? [ because ichiro's not the smartest guy in the world. he's not, he never has been, but he works hard, and his heart is strong enough that his emotional intelligence makes up for it. ] Or... do you want me to pretend you're fine for a little bit?
[ because that's super unhealthy but he also can give her the option. he can feel that tenseness, like she's going to bolt like a terrified bird any second. ]
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she shuts her eyes entirely at that, if it means that she won't have to look at him.]
... I will be fine.
[ . . . . ]
Who you're trying to talk to is - Iris? So someone else that isn't me - but... [that memory... it's so confusing to her and it makes her head ache]
... I don't know if anyone can help with what I'm feeling.
[so what use would it be?]
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... Right now, I'm just trying to talk to you. [ he squeezes her hand, one more time. it's always frustrating, to not know what to do - just like he'd talked about before - bt he has to be patient. and, maybe there are little ways he can help. viola is iris and iris is viola, he guesses, but they aren't, and it's a lot for him to understand, too. he's just not smart enough for this. ]
...maybe I can't do a lot, but I can distract you for a little bit. You've gotta go school me at ice skating. [ another squeeze, a puppylike earnestness at the edge of his voice as he picks up a little of his warmth again, tries to keep that angry, bubbling concern at a low simmer. ] Or we can go throw snowballs at each other. That always helps, or I can just -- anything, Vi.
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when she opens her eyes again and watches him, it's wary. distrustful. even if those memories aren't hers, the feelings in them are... familiar. aren't those ugly feelings reason enough to cast her aside?
but he squeezes her hand and she tries to relax, letting her fingers curl ever so slightly to return his hold. but she's clearly still... well, nervous.]
... skating is fine.
If - you're certain.
cw for ear trauma just in case
[ this time, when ichiro grins, it's back to normal. the smile is warm and bright, determined. always 100%.
what a great time for a memory share of his own! ]
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viola's eyes widen suddenly at the memory and - it makes sense, she supposes. with what she knows of ichiro.
and yet even so.
she pulls her hand out of his grip instantly, and brings her hands up to rest on either side of his head, covering his ears from the cold with her own hands as if to protect them]
—Ichiro!
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he -- freezes? the pain is a burst of white but it's not unfamiliar, and he's left startled, staring at her with big, wide eyes as he comes back to reality. ]
...Huh? [ oh. oh, right. ] Oh. Oh - hey, hey, Vi-chan, it's okay, it was just a memory...
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[ . . . oh, she's covering his ears, he might not be able to hear. she lets her hands drop to his shoulders instead, grip not quite tight but definitely like she's tempted to shake him]
... don't scare me like that.
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the tight grip is fine, if a little surprising, too?? he can hear fine, it was a really long time ago and jakurai healed him up fine, and... her concern is kind of knocking him out a little bit. he reaches up to kind of half cover her hands with his? ]
...Uh, sorry. I... if I could've stopped it, I would've. The memory.
[ not the stabbing out his own ear drums... well, maybe, because hindsight is 20/20 and now he knows jakurai was right there. ] It's all good, it's okay. I'm okay.
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[under his touch, he'll feel how tense she is. it's immediate, every time she sees one of her own in danger. the way that she wants to snatch out and take whatever is hurting them away herself.
but so much of the time it feels like all she can do is watch.]
... I know you feel strongly and that... that seemed like the solution but -
Please regard yourself with more care.
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