anyway he's too dumb and well meaning to even remotely think she's coming up for a kiss, so the forehead touch is really sweet. does it give him a doki? yup. he just smiles a little when she does, down at her, fond when she pulls away. ]
... you too. You have to deal with a lot of dumb questions. [ a little joking, but absolutely joking on himself because he asked at least one stupid question. it's fine.
also this room is very cute but he is like at least 35% afraid to touch anything in here. it is very cutesy and delicate and he looks completely out of place, but he will come over anyway, noticing his terrible origami and huffing a little bit as he comes to join her on the chaise. ] I'm glad it worked out, for the most part. I stayed up really late last night with Taichi and Caleb-san trying to get stuff figured out. We wanted to solve both cases.
...didn't really expect it to explode the way it did, but I'm glad we got as far as we did.
[ . . . . well. she'll go to sit and then offer him his rum and coke that is about 90% coke and 10% rum. she tucks her legs underneath herself to make more room for him, swirling her wine glass for a moment as her other hand comes up to touch the pendant around her neck briefly before it drops]
.... we reached some rather remarkable conclusions. I suppose that's why I'm...
[less likely to immediately bite someone's head off? she takes a sip of her wine]
... well, I'm still angry. But perhaps it feels better to have a direction for it, rather than an unknown.
[ thank you he is a big baby. he will take it the drink and poke at it a little bit, just holding onto it for now. what she says about anger resonates true, too. ]
Kinda feel like this place always makes me angry. I get it. [ considering his beat up knuckles a few weeks ago, but - this at least feels like a little bit of a victory. it doesn't make up for anything, but some questions were answered, some larger than others, and it feels good. ] But I think you're right.
...Crow was a good dude. I really - I'm really glad, we figured it out. I think this place's idea of justice, or whatever, is really fucked up, but... I feel better knowing at least a little bit about what happened. 's like you said. When you're angry, you've gotta.. gotta hone it. Make it work for you. I'm tryin to figure that out.
[ it's a little better than just running into walls about chuuoku all the time, like home. he will take a sip of his drink, after that, and... ok, he maybe makes a little bit of a face, but it's more like a surprised dog than anything else.
[viola probably only has expensive alcohol so hopefully the rum goes down smooth.
she glances away at the mention of crow, closing her eyes for a moment and taking another sip of wine. she will get through exactly one glass even though she's the person who suggested alcohol. just because she wants to drink doesn't mean she stops being a lightweight.]
... you made it work for you today, I think. As much as you could.
What do you think you'll do now?
[byleth is still out there and oh god does viola have opinions but]
anyway. he frowns at the question, looking down at his cup, brows furrowing a little. ]
I dunno yet. I'm not... [ ... ] I think a lot of people are gonna wanna retaliate against her. I wanna try and talk to her, first, see what we can learn. Rupert was willing to tell us a lot of stuff, and... Caiman looked kinda comatose at the end, there.
[ to say the least. ugh. what a strange sight, watching him convulse around like that - it's hard to feel a ton of sympathy for him, though, after helping beau miserable and brokenhearted on friday. a complicated, shitty situation, but one they came out on top of, at least.
ichiro shakes his head to clear the mental image and takes another sip. ] ...I think we all need to start working together even more than we have, though. Our enemy's not each other. That for sure.
...It's like being at home, a little. Even if I can't fucking stand Samatoki, we've still worked together against bigger causes. Gotta try and think of it like that. If I can handle it with that asshole, I can handle it here.
[ . . . . it's a very thoughtful answer to a short but complicated question. viola listens through, nodding a long and she seems to be ruminating on her own thoughts on it.
before she just knocks back whatever else is in her wine glass and places it back on the table without refilling it. this will hit her and she knows it. but she'll curl back up against the chaise, leaning her head against the back of it as she looks at ichiro and regards him thoughtfully.]
.... I think you're one of the kindest people I've ever met.
[she curls up some more, comfy and cozy and shutting her eyes for a moment]
I'm not very nice. I think I might take it out on her a little, even if there's nothing I can do to truly harm her - and I wouldn't, because she's important to Dimitri. But she still stole Crow from me... and it is hypocritical, when she worked with Rupert last week, and Rupert stole from others. But I wasn't mad at Rupert.
She's not my enemy, but I don't think she's my friend anymore either. I think if it was me... I'd use her information, but I wouldn't work with her - I'd be bitter and want to solve it myself to prove I'm better and don't need her help.
[ . . . she slides her eyes open then to look up at him.]
But you're not like that. You don't calculate like I do, and I think that's very sweet.
You're an easy person to trust, and want to believe in.
[ oh. this answer surprises him a little, mostly because it's so candid. he watches her, a little bit pink in the cheeks, because hello, former delinquent with a fuse that's about two inches long here, but...
there's a long moment before he answers, like he's thinking that over. ] ...I dunno. Maybe it's kinda naive of me to think things are gonna work out well, but - it's not like that, really. I know better. People suck, sometimes, and shit doesn't work out with happy endings unless you really work for it, and that's never guaranteed to last, either. I know. I've seen it blow up in my face plenty.
...But shit like that just makes me want it to work out even more, you know? [ ichiro reaches up to rub his nose for a second, grinning a little. doing good, recklessly has always sort of been his MO. it took a while to bloom out of him, but now it's something he does freely. he loves hard. he fights hard. that's just who he is. ] Maybe I shouldn't take it as a challenge, but I want to make the good in people something that other people can rely on, too. Even if I gotta start that wave myself.
[ he shifts a little on the couch where he's sitting, turning to prop his thigh up on it a little further so he can face her and meet her gaze. a spark, determined, compassionate, bright as ever. ]
...I'm glad you think that, Vi. [ he hopes people feel that way, even a little. that's his job, as the division leader, as the big brother. ] I want to be someone you can rely on too.
And... for the record. [ some of that spark does soften, just a little bit. ] I believe in you plenty, too.
[ . . . she manages a soft laugh at that, amused and endeared. not for the first time, she thinks... they have many things in common. they work hard, they're protective over what they love, and they have biting tempers that could raze the earth if they're not kept in check.
but she thinks that ichiro is also so different from her - so open and sweet. sometimes she makes play at being such a person, but it never really...
. . . ]
You shouldn't. I think you'll end up disappointed.
[the wine loosens her tongue quite a bit - but she also doesn't seem to mean it in a self-deprecating way. her smile doesn't budge. she just wants him to cushion his expectations, in case he believes her to be someone that she... isn't.
someone that she probably doesn't have a chance of really being.]
But I like how you see the world much better. It's much brighter than anything I could conjure up.
[ besides. he's learned not to idolize anyone - he's learned exactly what happens to you when you do. but, spending time in viola's care and presence over the past few weeks has shown him a lot of things about her - and a lot of things that he recognizes about her, too. things he likes. things he knows. he doesn't push it beyond that though, because ichiro does say he's not smart, but emotions, he understands. no self deprecation, just reality. but in a way, it's the same stubbornness he looks at the world with, if on the flipside, too; ichiro's reality is always a few levels off of the ground floor.
ichiro takes another drink. it's familiar, ice cold and sweet, and the rum hits with a little bit of warmth at the back of his throat in contrast. unfamiliar, but good, then smiles at her. ] You're the one who told me - the only scope's the way you see it, you know? Your creativity, that's the limit. Not a big limits guy.
But if you like how I see it, then, hey, you gotta stick around, and I'll show it to you a lot.
[ . . . she's hesitant. it's not about what she can dream up - viola loves creating, whether it be new systems or new routes in order to help people. it's what she's good at. what she's less skilled with is opening herself up to the same possibility. the idea of opening her heart to others the same way that ichiro is, so unafraid of getting battered and bruised . . .
she lets her eyes slide shut again and shifts closer, just so that she can rest her head against his shoulder. it's been a long day, and the alcohol already makes it hard for her to keep her head up. one glass wonder...]
[ oh... cute. this is fine. ichiro shifts down a little bit and leans back where he can against the chaise, to make sure she's comfortable. chosen....
home is a nice concept. it's one that resonates with him. his beloved division, after all - there's not a place like it in the world. ]
...Y'know, I think, for the circumstances, you've made Winter a pretty good home. It's not just the stuff - it's the people in it, too. [ like their little housé, with its wall full of sentimental pictures and silly decorations. something that's all theirs. home. a little oasis, sometimes fraught with danger, but a place to belong, too. it's crazy; he can't even imagine moving dorms. can't even begin to think about it. ]
[he really has been chosen, somewhere between the wine and the conversation, she's decided that this is fine. she shuts her eyes again and honestly there's a solid chance she'll end up falling asleep at some point but for now the conversation is enough to keep her awake.]
... no one goes hungry, and no one is cold. Small things we take for granted - but it's given to everyone. A strong roof, good food, and people who are dear. Everyone has the freedom to pursue what they like - knowledge, skills, or just staying with people they're comfortable with. Knowing that they're safe.
A place where people are happy, and no one is scared.
[ i'm gonna really need her to stop saying stuff like this
there's a moment of quiet after viola finishes describing, and when ichiro speaks up again, his voice is soft, affectionate. overwhelmingly fond, as he glances down at viola propped against his shoulder. ]
... yeah? Mine too. [ what he's always wanted for his division and the people in it. to break down the walls of chuuoku and reunite the separated people of his homeland, to savor the territory of ikebukuro and keep it healthy and strong. ] Somewhere not limited by towering walls. Literally or not. Places where people can find family.
[ . . . she repeats the word thoughtfully, opening her eyes a little bit and glancing back up at ichiro, amused and fond. it feels like a warm moment.]
... mm. I think that sounds nice. I'd like to find something like that one day.
[ "someone like you", she says. ichiro shakes his head a bit, though not enough to jostle her. this is something he feels pretty strongly about; his voice is warm with it, for a moment, that passion contained into something localized, but there. ]
Vi, family - real family, blood or not - is something everyone deserves. I don't think there's anything selfish about it. And... even if you did feel like it was "someone like you"... family makes you better, too.
[ the best parts of ichiro exist because his brothers have been there. it's why losing the memory of them, even for just a day and a half, felt like being knifed in the gut. it matters to him more than anything in the world. ]
You love your brother - he is flesh and blood, he is next in line to the dukedom, and he is changing for the better. You tell yourself that over the past few years, he’s grown up well, and has even taken moments to express care and concern for you. You tell him that he’s allowed to make mistakes, just as any good elder sister would, and that enjoying his youth is also one of his duties.
You’re startled when he brings up the fact that he contributed to the most scarring day in your life.
It’s one that you remember clearly - the day that your fiance, who you had loved since you were but a little girl, publicly cast you aside in front of a crowd he’d personally gathered. Your crimes? Harassing the girl that was now at his side, his new love, who he clearly adored far more than you. And at their side? None other than your brother, sneering when you call yourself weak, helping to smear your name and your reputation.
Two who you love so dearly, more than than this world can even begin to recognize, casting you aside.
You feel your heart breaking again, the injury so raw that it never healed over.
You want to move past the conversation, you don’t want to talk about it, you think it’d be easier to continue this amiable sibling relationship where you don’t acknowledge the incident. You think that it’s easier, if you assume blame and consequence for your own jealous fit after your fiance, was stolen from you. You think that if you call it youth, it will be dismissed.
You don’t know what to do when you receive an apology for something that haunts you even now.
You don’t believe in love. You don’t believe in loyalty. Not to you, pathetic Lady Iris. You don’t trust anyone, for if even your own flesh and blood can decide that infatuation matters more than your dignity or well-being, how can anyone make promises that mean anything at all?
. . .
You watch him leave the room after his apology is accepted, even if it is not forgiven, and you cannot help the knot of guilt that sits in your stomach.
If you were better, could you have given a kinder answer? If you were like her - like the very person that everyone left you for - could you give and receive love?
And why bother thinking of those things, when you will never be anyone but this scarred, jealous you? ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
anyway he's too dumb and well meaning to even remotely think she's coming up for a kiss, so the forehead touch is really sweet. does it give him a doki? yup. he just smiles a little when she does, down at her, fond when she pulls away. ]
... you too. You have to deal with a lot of dumb questions. [ a little joking, but absolutely joking on himself because he asked at least one stupid question. it's fine.
also this room is very cute but he is like at least 35% afraid to touch anything in here. it is very cutesy and delicate and he looks completely out of place, but he will come over anyway, noticing his terrible origami and huffing a little bit as he comes to join her on the chaise. ] I'm glad it worked out, for the most part. I stayed up really late last night with Taichi and Caleb-san trying to get stuff figured out. We wanted to solve both cases.
...didn't really expect it to explode the way it did, but I'm glad we got as far as we did.
no subject
.... we reached some rather remarkable conclusions. I suppose that's why I'm...
[less likely to immediately bite someone's head off? she takes a sip of her wine]
... well, I'm still angry. But perhaps it feels better to have a direction for it, rather than an unknown.
no subject
Kinda feel like this place always makes me angry. I get it. [ considering his beat up knuckles a few weeks ago, but - this at least feels like a little bit of a victory. it doesn't make up for anything, but some questions were answered, some larger than others, and it feels good. ] But I think you're right.
...Crow was a good dude. I really - I'm really glad, we figured it out. I think this place's idea of justice, or whatever, is really fucked up, but... I feel better knowing at least a little bit about what happened. 's like you said. When you're angry, you've gotta.. gotta hone it. Make it work for you. I'm tryin to figure that out.
[ it's a little better than just running into walls about chuuoku all the time, like home. he will take a sip of his drink, after that, and... ok, he maybe makes a little bit of a face, but it's more like a surprised dog than anything else.
it is good, though. ]
no subject
she glances away at the mention of crow, closing her eyes for a moment and taking another sip of wine. she will get through exactly one glass even though she's the person who suggested alcohol. just because she wants to drink doesn't mean she stops being a lightweight.]
... you made it work for you today, I think. As much as you could.
What do you think you'll do now?
[byleth is still out there and oh god does viola have opinions but]
no subject
anyway. he frowns at the question, looking down at his cup, brows furrowing a little. ]
I dunno yet. I'm not... [ ... ] I think a lot of people are gonna wanna retaliate against her. I wanna try and talk to her, first, see what we can learn. Rupert was willing to tell us a lot of stuff, and... Caiman looked kinda comatose at the end, there.
[ to say the least. ugh. what a strange sight, watching him convulse around like that - it's hard to feel a ton of sympathy for him, though, after helping beau miserable and brokenhearted on friday. a complicated, shitty situation, but one they came out on top of, at least.
ichiro shakes his head to clear the mental image and takes another sip. ] ...I think we all need to start working together even more than we have, though. Our enemy's not each other. That for sure.
...It's like being at home, a little. Even if I can't fucking stand Samatoki, we've still worked together against bigger causes. Gotta try and think of it like that. If I can handle it with that asshole, I can handle it here.
no subject
before she just knocks back whatever else is in her wine glass and places it back on the table without refilling it. this will hit her and she knows it. but she'll curl back up against the chaise, leaning her head against the back of it as she looks at ichiro and regards him thoughtfully.]
.... I think you're one of the kindest people I've ever met.
no subject
he points at himself and looks back at her, a little wide eyed. ]
Me?
no subject
[she curls up some more, comfy and cozy and shutting her eyes for a moment]
I'm not very nice. I think I might take it out on her a little, even if there's nothing I can do to truly harm her - and I wouldn't, because she's important to Dimitri. But she still stole Crow from me... and it is hypocritical, when she worked with Rupert last week, and Rupert stole from others. But I wasn't mad at Rupert.
She's not my enemy, but I don't think she's my friend anymore either. I think if it was me... I'd use her information, but I wouldn't work with her - I'd be bitter and want to solve it myself to prove I'm better and don't need her help.
[ . . . she slides her eyes open then to look up at him.]
But you're not like that. You don't calculate like I do, and I think that's very sweet.
You're an easy person to trust, and want to believe in.
no subject
there's a long moment before he answers, like he's thinking that over. ] ...I dunno. Maybe it's kinda naive of me to think things are gonna work out well, but - it's not like that, really. I know better. People suck, sometimes, and shit doesn't work out with happy endings unless you really work for it, and that's never guaranteed to last, either. I know. I've seen it blow up in my face plenty.
...But shit like that just makes me want it to work out even more, you know? [ ichiro reaches up to rub his nose for a second, grinning a little. doing good, recklessly has always sort of been his MO. it took a while to bloom out of him, but now it's something he does freely. he loves hard. he fights hard. that's just who he is. ] Maybe I shouldn't take it as a challenge, but I want to make the good in people something that other people can rely on, too. Even if I gotta start that wave myself.
[ he shifts a little on the couch where he's sitting, turning to prop his thigh up on it a little further so he can face her and meet her gaze. a spark, determined, compassionate, bright as ever. ]
...I'm glad you think that, Vi. [ he hopes people feel that way, even a little. that's his job, as the division leader, as the big brother. ] I want to be someone you can rely on too.
And... for the record. [ some of that spark does soften, just a little bit. ] I believe in you plenty, too.
no subject
but she thinks that ichiro is also so different from her - so open and sweet. sometimes she makes play at being such a person, but it never really...
. . . ]
You shouldn't. I think you'll end up disappointed.
[the wine loosens her tongue quite a bit - but she also doesn't seem to mean it in a self-deprecating way. her smile doesn't budge. she just wants him to cushion his expectations, in case he believes her to be someone that she... isn't.
someone that she probably doesn't have a chance of really being.]
But I like how you see the world much better. It's much brighter than anything I could conjure up.
no subject
[ besides. he's learned not to idolize anyone - he's learned exactly what happens to you when you do. but, spending time in viola's care and presence over the past few weeks has shown him a lot of things about her - and a lot of things that he recognizes about her, too. things he likes. things he knows. he doesn't push it beyond that though, because ichiro does say he's not smart, but emotions, he understands. no self deprecation, just reality. but in a way, it's the same stubbornness he looks at the world with, if on the flipside, too; ichiro's reality is always a few levels off of the ground floor.
ichiro takes another drink. it's familiar, ice cold and sweet, and the rum hits with a little bit of warmth at the back of his throat in contrast. unfamiliar, but good, then smiles at her. ] You're the one who told me - the only scope's the way you see it, you know? Your creativity, that's the limit. Not a big limits guy.
But if you like how I see it, then, hey, you gotta stick around, and I'll show it to you a lot.
Sound good?
no subject
she lets her eyes slide shut again and shifts closer, just so that she can rest her head against his shoulder. it's been a long day, and the alcohol already makes it hard for her to keep her head up. one glass wonder...]
... where do you think I'd go?
I want to find a home too - or make one.
no subject
home is a nice concept. it's one that resonates with him. his beloved division, after all - there's not a place like it in the world. ]
...Y'know, I think, for the circumstances, you've made Winter a pretty good home. It's not just the stuff - it's the people in it, too. [ like their little housé, with its wall full of sentimental pictures and silly decorations. something that's all theirs. home. a little oasis, sometimes fraught with danger, but a place to belong, too. it's crazy; he can't even imagine moving dorms. can't even begin to think about it. ]
What'd your perfect home be like, Vi?
no subject
... no one goes hungry, and no one is cold. Small things we take for granted - but it's given to everyone. A strong roof, good food, and people who are dear. Everyone has the freedom to pursue what they like - knowledge, skills, or just staying with people they're comfortable with. Knowing that they're safe.
A place where people are happy, and no one is scared.
no subject
there's a moment of quiet after viola finishes describing, and when ichiro speaks up again, his voice is soft, affectionate. overwhelmingly fond, as he glances down at viola propped against his shoulder. ]
... yeah? Mine too. [ what he's always wanted for his division and the people in it. to break down the walls of chuuoku and reunite the separated people of his homeland, to savor the territory of ikebukuro and keep it healthy and strong. ] Somewhere not limited by towering walls. Literally or not. Places where people can find family.
no subject
[ . . . she repeats the word thoughtfully, opening her eyes a little bit and glancing back up at ichiro, amused and fond. it feels like a warm moment.]
... mm. I think that sounds nice. I'd like to find something like that one day.
no subject
Or find a way to make it. [ repeating what she said earlier, smiling just enough to show a dimple, a little amused too. ] Right?
no subject
... I don't know if someone like me gets to be that selfish...
[it feels presumptuous that she could get to create her own family? after all she's been tossed around...]
no subject
Vi, family - real family, blood or not - is something everyone deserves. I don't think there's anything selfish about it. And... even if you did feel like it was "someone like you"... family makes you better, too.
[ the best parts of ichiro exist because his brothers have been there. it's why losing the memory of them, even for just a day and a half, felt like being knifed in the gut. it matters to him more than anything in the world. ]
no subject
[she pauses like she wants to respond but - really, this was an opportunity for a memshare I couldn't pass up
“There are some things you can only experience as a student.”
You love your brother - he is flesh and blood, he is next in line to the dukedom, and he is changing for the better. You tell yourself that over the past few years, he’s grown up well, and has even taken moments to express care and concern for you. You tell him that he’s allowed to make mistakes, just as any good elder sister would, and that enjoying his youth is also one of his duties.
You’re startled when he brings up the fact that he contributed to the most scarring day in your life.
It’s one that you remember clearly - the day that your fiance, who you had loved since you were but a little girl, publicly cast you aside in front of a crowd he’d personally gathered. Your crimes? Harassing the girl that was now at his side, his new love, who he clearly adored far more than you. And at their side? None other than your brother, sneering when you call yourself weak, helping to smear your name and your reputation.
Two who you love so dearly, more than than this world can even begin to recognize, casting you aside.
You feel your heart breaking again, the injury so raw that it never healed over.
You want to move past the conversation, you don’t want to talk about it, you think it’d be easier to continue this amiable sibling relationship where you don’t acknowledge the incident. You think that it’s easier, if you assume blame and consequence for your own jealous fit after your fiance, was stolen from you. You think that if you call it youth, it will be dismissed.
You don’t know what to do when you receive an apology for something that haunts you even now.
You don’t believe in love. You don’t believe in loyalty. Not to you, pathetic Lady Iris. You don’t trust anyone, for if even your own flesh and blood can decide that infatuation matters more than your dignity or well-being, how can anyone make promises that mean anything at all?
. . .
You watch him leave the room after his apology is accepted, even if it is not forgiven, and you cannot help the knot of guilt that sits in your stomach.
If you were better, could you have given a kinder answer? If you were like her - like the very person that everyone left you for - could you give and receive love?
And why bother thinking of those things, when you will never be anyone but this scarred, jealous you? ]