there's a brief pause, as he's gathering silverware; he smiles a little, and glances over his shoulder at riku. touched, a little, but knowing, too. ]
Yeah. [ it's a habit that's hard to break, being a caretaker. ] I'll try and keep that in mind.
...Someone told me when I did that - [ a nod to his hand. ] - that it's okay, to let yourself feel things, and that it's something you shouldn't be ashamed of, but that it's important to value yourself, too. I dunno if I'm really sticking to the advice she gave me, 'cause it's not that easy just to stop, but... trying to hurt yourself to save hurting others doesn't always work, either.
he moves a little closer where he's standing, and nudges riku with his shoulder. ichiro's emotions go fond and -- and empathetic, really. after all, the wrong strength wasn't that far away, for ichiro, either. it's barely been two years since his delinquent days. he knows what that guilt feels like. ]
...Me too, man. I'm tryin' every day. [ a quiet huff. ] I'm not gonna tell you it's easy. I still go backwards sometimes, and I still fuck up a lot. But the struggle forward counts, for something.
[The nudge gets him to look up. The expression on his face breaks a little. The feelings Ichiro give off are... so terribly familiar. It seems like it's been so long since he sat in the presence of that kind of optimistic, fond light.
It makes his heart hurt, and he presses his curled fingers over his chest.]
[ yeah, we really still gotta talk about mickey mouse man
but! that's the last thing on his mind. for a moment, ichiro pauses in what he's doing, recalling the feeling from riku's memory, the one that just briefly was his own. ]
....yeah. [ there's something more affected in the way he says that. his heart aches with empathy, as he settles into it. when he came back from his little trip into riku's head, he watched beau and taichi and kainé, battered, reunited with their loved ones, and just for the tiniest, irrational moment, had desperately wished he'd been able to see his brothers, too. ] I get that.
...He seems like a really good guy. [ sora. and kairi, too. ] They both cared about you a lot - it was really obvious.
[Watching Ichiro, his expression is sympathetic. Ichiro is getting him, but he gets Ichiro, too. It's hard to watch a lot of others have someone they know well to lean on in rough times when you are going it alone. In that regard.
The last part, though, breaks his focus. Heat climbs right up into both cheeks, turning him red. Hilariously, he way too quickly starts--he has nothing yet again! He idly rearranges some stuff in the laundry basket, pretending it's necessary.
Shyness wiggles off him, but beneath that, sincerity.]
what a cute reaction? he ends up grinning, mostly because he can't help it, and passes riku a few more things to put in the bin for his own good. ]
Yeah? I get the feeling you don't mind it that much, man. [ this is a little bit teasing, but it is SO fondly. tsundere... ] You shouldn't. Always good to have friends who have your back like that. It was - it was a good memory to get, I think. Made me feel a little hope when we really needed it up there.
[Nooooooo, don't perceive. Embarrassed, he takes the few things Ichiro hands over, trying to pay attention to how to organize them and not the fact his face feels like it's melting off.]
Mm.
[GOD.
He doesn't look up, but the rumble of wanting to crawl out of his skin fades a little. He's quiet for a long moment.]
...I wanted to hide, but... I guess I also wanted them to find me. I wanted to know... if they could. If they knew it was me. Your friends are supposed to know you're you, right? I was worried for a while... that they wouldn't ever recognize me.
Do NOT feel fond or excited or happy about that embarrassing memory!!!!! (He is also fond of that and his friends, but don't even LOOK in his direction.)]
Well. Thanks to Kairi. Sora can be such a blockhead sometimes.
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there's a brief pause, as he's gathering silverware; he smiles a little, and glances over his shoulder at riku. touched, a little, but knowing, too. ]
Yeah. [ it's a habit that's hard to break, being a caretaker. ] I'll try and keep that in mind.
...Someone told me when I did that - [ a nod to his hand. ] - that it's okay, to let yourself feel things, and that it's something you shouldn't be ashamed of, but that it's important to value yourself, too. I dunno if I'm really sticking to the advice she gave me, 'cause it's not that easy just to stop, but... trying to hurt yourself to save hurting others doesn't always work, either.
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His eyes follow the nod, and he raises his hand to curl the fingers like some half-assed attempt at hiding it.
The guilt isn't some little prickle in him. It's a wave, a consuming wash of it that splashes over him and fans out like the edge of the tide.]
I know... I'm... trying to get better at it. So I can protect the things that matter... with the right strength this time.
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he moves a little closer where he's standing, and nudges riku with his shoulder. ichiro's emotions go fond and -- and empathetic, really. after all, the wrong strength wasn't that far away, for ichiro, either. it's barely been two years since his delinquent days. he knows what that guilt feels like. ]
...Me too, man. I'm tryin' every day. [ a quiet huff. ] I'm not gonna tell you it's easy. I still go backwards sometimes, and I still fuck up a lot. But the struggle forward counts, for something.
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It makes his heart hurt, and he presses his curled fingers over his chest.]
You sound like... Sora.
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... That was the person you reunited with, right?
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Yeah. That's Sora. [...] I wouldn't want him to go through any of this, but sometimes... I wish he were here.
...Even though I spent a long time staying away from him.
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but! that's the last thing on his mind. for a moment, ichiro pauses in what he's doing, recalling the feeling from riku's memory, the one that just briefly was his own. ]
....yeah. [ there's something more affected in the way he says that. his heart aches with empathy, as he settles into it. when he came back from his little trip into riku's head, he watched beau and taichi and kainé, battered, reunited with their loved ones, and just for the tiniest, irrational moment, had desperately wished he'd been able to see his brothers, too. ] I get that.
...He seems like a really good guy. [ sora. and kairi, too. ] They both cared about you a lot - it was really obvious.
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The last part, though, breaks his focus. Heat climbs right up into both cheeks, turning him red. Hilariously, he way too quickly starts--he has nothing yet again! He idly rearranges some stuff in the laundry basket, pretending it's necessary.
Shyness wiggles off him, but beneath that, sincerity.]
They're always ridiculous like that.
[(AFFECTIONATE)]
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hilarious
what a cute reaction? he ends up grinning, mostly because he can't help it, and passes riku a few more things to put in the bin for his own good. ]
Yeah? I get the feeling you don't mind it that much, man. [ this is a little bit teasing, but it is SO fondly. tsundere... ] You shouldn't. Always good to have friends who have your back like that. It was - it was a good memory to get, I think. Made me feel a little hope when we really needed it up there.
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Mm.
[GOD.
He doesn't look up, but the rumble of wanting to crawl out of his skin fades a little. He's quiet for a long moment.]
...I wanted to hide, but... I guess I also wanted them to find me. I wanted to know... if they could. If they knew it was me. Your friends are supposed to know you're you, right? I was worried for a while... that they wouldn't ever recognize me.
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And they sure knew it was you, huh? [ their excitement and happiness to see him was palpable in the shared memory. ]
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Do NOT feel fond or excited or happy about that embarrassing memory!!!!! (He is also fond of that and his friends, but don't even LOOK in his direction.)]
Well. Thanks to Kairi. Sora can be such a blockhead sometimes.
[(affectionate)]