[ no - no, he doesn't want that. or, does he? what the fuck is the right thing to do here? he holds still, for a second, while she keeps talking, that smile fading a little.
but. something in his chest lurches and he responds out of instinct, first, an emphatic, immediate - ] I don't resent you.
[ how could he ever do that. there's only one person in ichiro's life that he despises, one person who has ever earned that level of his hatred, and that was after a betrayal so fierce that it's practically burnt into his bones. he can't let iris think that. he can't let her think that she's ruined anything. can't let her take on the fault for something out of her control. he's gotta be strong. ]
And - you don't have to apologize. There's nothing to apologize for - like, like you haven't done shit for me, too? Iris, stop.
[ the last part comes out a little more fiercely. it's a little funny that they're back into this. both of them desperate to keep each other from hurting, neither knowing how to fix it besides taking on all the pain alone. ] I'm not -- you make it sound like you're leaving.
[ or that he's leaving. which one's first? he knows for sure that - he knows he doesn't want to do that, no matter what.
there's a little part of him that's afraid of being left alone, too. especially right now, when it feels like he cannot do anything right, no matter how hard he tries, no matter how much he struggles. it's so hard for ichiro to not be able to help, and that's all that's happened here. to have iris just - just leave, just step back and stop talking with him, stop spending time with him
(like nemu did? one day, she was just gone, and then she was a fucking missing person, and then -- )
[she should apologize! she's making this harder! it's ridiculous and nonsensical and she wishes that she was capable of basic human connection but she... isn't. not in this way, at least. or at least, she seems convinced that she isn't. she looks frustrated for a moment, before she does end up a bit admonished from his scolding.
she flushes just a little bit, some mix of guilty and ashamed, before she shakes her head and then answers stubbornly in return.]
... I'm not leaving. I'm not going anywhere, and if you don't want me to leave, then I'll resist anything that tries to take me. [and because she did have a little to drink and she cannot un-tipsy:] It's not like I don't want to be with you.
[it's safer, when she's with him.]
... but you have to tell me if I'm too cruel.
I'm not a nice person, when there is something [or someone] I want.
[ okay, yeah, things like "it's not like i don't want to be with you" are a little cruel, but - it's fine. he was more worried about her just deciding to take this as "i have to leave forever now" and he just. cannot take that right now, not after the week he's had, not after what they've been through.
some of that lost, hurt puppy look fades away - he rolls his shoulders back a little and nods. not quite relaxed, but at least a little bit less panicked. ]
...okay. [ he will. probably. probably not? it's fine. ] You too. Promise.
[it's not a very fair situation, and suffering under iris' mixed signals is honestly probably a terrible fate. she watches him just as cautiously, concern obvious even as she tries to work through her own swimming thoughts. she knew that she had to talk about this with him - that it would be even worse to lead him on without addressing it, but.
but it still doesn't make this moment any easier.]
... I think I've made it clear enough how honest I try to be with you. [even if the truth isn't very clear or simple] But... alright.
[ his smile's gentler, but it's there - there's a little confidence in that, too. of course they will. this feels like sort of a precarious position to be in at the moment, but he's holding onto everything in his life with the same precarious teetering right now, so what's one more thing to toss onto the pile. if anything, the relationship he's built up with iris is important to him, and he'll do what it takes to maintain it.
god, what a fucking week it has been. maybe pranking fall dorm with copious bread will do something for his mood? surely nothing else bad will happen this week!!
a little teasingly, to break up some of the rough mood - ] You gonna be okay to keep baking? [ with your shot? ma'am? ]
['for sure' he says, and she wants to believe him. she watches him for another moment before just nodding - and then flustering a little at the question. sTOP.]
I - you can have one too?! Should I have offered you one...?! My manners....
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but. something in his chest lurches and he responds out of instinct, first, an emphatic, immediate - ] I don't resent you.
[ how could he ever do that. there's only one person in ichiro's life that he despises, one person who has ever earned that level of his hatred, and that was after a betrayal so fierce that it's practically burnt into his bones. he can't let iris think that. he can't let her think that she's ruined anything. can't let her take on the fault for something out of her control. he's gotta be strong. ]
And - you don't have to apologize. There's nothing to apologize for - like, like you haven't done shit for me, too? Iris, stop.
[ the last part comes out a little more fiercely. it's a little funny that they're back into this. both of them desperate to keep each other from hurting, neither knowing how to fix it besides taking on all the pain alone. ] I'm not -- you make it sound like you're leaving.
[ or that he's leaving. which one's first? he knows for sure that - he knows he doesn't want to do that, no matter what.
there's a little part of him that's afraid of being left alone, too. especially right now, when it feels like he cannot do anything right, no matter how hard he tries, no matter how much he struggles. it's so hard for ichiro to not be able to help, and that's all that's happened here. to have iris just - just leave, just step back and stop talking with him, stop spending time with him
(like nemu did? one day, she was just gone, and then she was a fucking missing person, and then -- )
- he doesn't know how to fix it. again. ]
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[she should apologize! she's making this harder! it's ridiculous and nonsensical and she wishes that she was capable of basic human connection but she... isn't. not in this way, at least. or at least, she seems convinced that she isn't. she looks frustrated for a moment, before she does end up a bit admonished from his scolding.
she flushes just a little bit, some mix of guilty and ashamed, before she shakes her head and then answers stubbornly in return.]
... I'm not leaving. I'm not going anywhere, and if you don't want me to leave, then I'll resist anything that tries to take me. [and because she did have a little to drink and she cannot un-tipsy:] It's not like I don't want to be with you.
[it's safer, when she's with him.]
... but you have to tell me if I'm too cruel.
I'm not a nice person, when there is something [or someone] I want.
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some of that lost, hurt puppy look fades away - he rolls his shoulders back a little and nods. not quite relaxed, but at least a little bit less panicked. ]
...okay. [ he will. probably. probably not? it's fine. ] You too. Promise.
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but it still doesn't make this moment any easier.]
... I think I've made it clear enough how honest I try to be with you. [even if the truth isn't very clear or simple] But... alright.
... we'll make it through this then, won't we?
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[ his smile's gentler, but it's there - there's a little confidence in that, too. of course they will. this feels like sort of a precarious position to be in at the moment, but he's holding onto everything in his life with the same precarious teetering right now, so what's one more thing to toss onto the pile. if anything, the relationship he's built up with iris is important to him, and he'll do what it takes to maintain it.
god, what a fucking week it has been. maybe pranking fall dorm with copious bread will do something for his mood? surely nothing else bad will happen this week!!
a little teasingly, to break up some of the rough mood - ] You gonna be okay to keep baking? [ with your shot? ma'am? ]
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I - you can have one too?! Should I have offered you one...?! My manners....
[IRIS]
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laughs?? what else do you do. ] I - nah, nah, I'm good. Don't really drink, anyway, you're fine.
[ it feels a little more normal, at least, as he moves to go back and start kneading the dough, again. ]
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... normally I don't either... goodness, what a strange week.
[but! the timer at the oven will go off! she'll turn to that and accept the distraction - ] Oh, the tarts are done...
[time to scurry off to get those!]
You'll still sample them for me, won't you?