I was angry - and in truth, I still am. Which I know is unfair, because Crow himself has told me to let go. [a beat] ... I think it hurt more, because you and I had a conversation on what it means to lose those dear to us.
[and knowing byleth chose a winter felt like an attack, and a betrayal far worse than just killing someone.]
there's a moment of silence before she finally nods, once, slowly.]
Otome and Rupert approached me after the trial where Manwol was chosen, and told me everything. That it was killing to save people. I accepted, because I knew it was a heavy burden, and didn't want them to face it alone. I also wanted to help effect change in this place—something to help get us home.
Each time we chose our victims, at least when I was there, we chose the person who was the oldest, strongest, and healthiest. The person who could fight the best.
In the end, someone always had to be chosen. In Crow's week, we passed over Denji and Malik, because they were younger than he was, and I knew from sparring that Crow was an excellent fighter.
[it's not unexpected to hear viola cop to wanting to protect hers first and foremost, considering the request she'd placed on the table when they'd first spoken on it. viola had priorities.]
My feelings?
[...]
That if there was any other way, I would have taken it.
When you speak, it is often as though you are giving reports.
Normally, I don't mind that. In fact, I prefer it.
... but in this case, facts don't particularly move me. I don't think anyone's actions are right or wrong here. I don't think that we have the luxury of being able to discuss this as a matter of morals.
Hugo indicated early on that what we were doing was likely our only chance at saving people being assimilated.
When everything was truly disheartening, I focused on that. I wanted to affect change, here. To do something to move us towards escaping safely sooner.
[ . . . . she taps her finger on the table in front of her.]
I suppose that is what I struggle to understand about you - all of you. Dimitri is doing the same thing. He hasn't told me explicitly, he surely does not realize he can, but he is so obvious to me.
You take on the responsibility, you decide you will harm others to save them, but you will accept capture and death as soon as you can - even knowing that it will simply volunteer another to take your role.
Is that kindness? Or is that the choice you've made that you can live with?
I'm not sure. I don't think there's a kindness in killing, no matter how it's spun.
For myself... it's combat. On the field, our actions are in the open and largely witnessed. Just as I make no attempt to hide my actions there, I can't imagine obfuscating them here, even if the combat is of a different kind. It's my responsibility to face what comes of it.
But to others, that way of thinking is wasteful, and I can't argue with that, either. My "fair", to them, can just be an excuse.
What would you have done, Iris? If you were approached to join?
But I'm not skilled in combat - so I would settle for either covering for other members of your group, or otherwise trying to keep them alive. Others may disagree, but I believe that once you take on a responsibility, you should not abandon your post. I would weigh my options, and while I know condemning an innocent is difficult, I would make decisions based on my own reasoning of what I could stand to live with based on the mood of those in trial.
In my case, I would protect those that I've decided to protect, and accept the scorn of being considered a villain or a hated person in the long-term for trying to hide the truth.
[she nods along as Iris talks. it's solid reasoning, and clearly well-considered.]
You've thought about this carefully, as expected. It's not how I would—how I did go about it, but it all makes sense to me. It's just different methods.
Our own methods of living with our own choices, as you said.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Please.
no subject
I thought it would suit your elegance.
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[and she does seem to mean it. once the tea is properly steeped, she will remove the teabag and take a sip -
and then she nods, pleased.]
It's excellent. Thank you, Byleth.
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I'm glad to share a drink with you, Iris.
It's very kind of you.
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[she's pretty unkind in general. but she will have some more of the tea.]
But I thought we should revisit our last discussion - since you were a bit bound in what you could say at the time.
Crow filled me in on the rest, after all.
no subject
You know everything I know, now.
But you weren't wrong.
no subject
... I wasn't.
[ . . . ]
But I wasn't right either.
I was angry - and in truth, I still am. Which I know is unfair, because Crow himself has told me to let go. [a beat] ... I think it hurt more, because you and I had a conversation on what it means to lose those dear to us.
[and knowing byleth chose a winter felt like an attack, and a betrayal far worse than just killing someone.]
no subject
Your feelings are still valid, and I respect them.
There's no clear-cut path. But I always knew what I was undertaking.
[she lets out a little breath, tracing the rim of her teacup. all that was left was forward movement.]
no subject
I am having trouble understanding some of the choices that were made - but I...
[she pauses]
I am an unfair person. I am protective, and biased. Even still... you extended kindness to me, and I do not believe that was ever fake.
So I will try to not be unfair to you, where I can.
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It's a cruel trade. But it was clear that someone would have to do it, no matter what.
You can ask me anything, now. I'll do my best to answer clearly.
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I don't want to ask. I want to be told.
I want to know what your thoughts on it are - for yourself, and for those you've harmed. Everything you're willing to share.
no subject
there's a moment of silence before she finally nods, once, slowly.]
Otome and Rupert approached me after the trial where Manwol was chosen, and told me everything. That it was killing to save people. I accepted, because I knew it was a heavy burden, and didn't want them to face it alone. I also wanted to help effect change in this place—something to help get us home.
Each time we chose our victims, at least when I was there, we chose the person who was the oldest, strongest, and healthiest. The person who could fight the best.
In the end, someone always had to be chosen. In Crow's week, we passed over Denji and Malik, because they were younger than he was, and I knew from sparring that Crow was an excellent fighter.
no subject
It was a two-thirds chance of being a Winter, I see. Not that I condemn Malik purely for being in Spring, but...
[she just admitted it - personal bias drives her far more than it should. also malik just stabbed caleb in trial so she's not exactly fond of him,,]
And what are your feelings on it?
no subject
My feelings?
[...]
That if there was any other way, I would have taken it.
But there wasn't. Not that we could find.
no subject
When you speak, it is often as though you are giving reports.
Normally, I don't mind that. In fact, I prefer it.
... but in this case, facts don't particularly move me. I don't think anyone's actions are right or wrong here. I don't think that we have the luxury of being able to discuss this as a matter of morals.
no subject
[she tries again, closing her eyes.]
Hugo indicated early on that what we were doing was likely our only chance at saving people being assimilated.
When everything was truly disheartening, I focused on that. I wanted to affect change, here. To do something to move us towards escaping safely sooner.
no subject
But you just as easily did not hide when you were found, or do much to cover your tracks.
Why?
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[she's no stranger to killing and making those calls, after all.]
But I've never been someone who hides. This place is already unfair enough. I wouldn't add to it.
no subject
I suppose that is what I struggle to understand about you - all of you. Dimitri is doing the same thing. He hasn't told me explicitly, he surely does not realize he can, but he is so obvious to me.
You take on the responsibility, you decide you will harm others to save them, but you will accept capture and death as soon as you can - even knowing that it will simply volunteer another to take your role.
Is that kindness? Or is that the choice you've made that you can live with?
no subject
she takes a sip of tea, dwelling on the word.]
I'm not sure. I don't think there's a kindness in killing, no matter how it's spun.
For myself... it's combat. On the field, our actions are in the open and largely witnessed. Just as I make no attempt to hide my actions there, I can't imagine obfuscating them here, even if the combat is of a different kind. It's my responsibility to face what comes of it.
But to others, that way of thinking is wasteful, and I can't argue with that, either. My "fair", to them, can just be an excuse.
What would you have done, Iris? If you were approached to join?
no subject
[that's easy.]
But I'm not skilled in combat - so I would settle for either covering for other members of your group, or otherwise trying to keep them alive. Others may disagree, but I believe that once you take on a responsibility, you should not abandon your post. I would weigh my options, and while I know condemning an innocent is difficult, I would make decisions based on my own reasoning of what I could stand to live with based on the mood of those in trial.
In my case, I would protect those that I've decided to protect, and accept the scorn of being considered a villain or a hated person in the long-term for trying to hide the truth.
That is the reasoning I've always had.
no subject
You've thought about this carefully, as expected. It's not how I would—how I did go about it, but it all makes sense to me. It's just different methods.
Our own methods of living with our own choices, as you said.