[this is literally the worst - she's rushing in immediately, offering her arms out to help keep byleth steady. viola is a absolutely noodley in terms of strength but she's determined]
Don't say that. Thank you for looking after him. I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you. Here - let me help you to a place where you can lay down.
[BYLETH PLEASE - well she'll be as gentle as she can, moving to sit next to her and hovering worriedly]
Simply make sure your next purchases are with Sally - I understand why you went to me and I'm grateful for it. I worry he'd just hide it away from me otherwise.
[she looks so frustrated]
Can I get you anything? Water? Ice? A heating pad? I... I don't fully understand what you went through, but I'm so sorry...
...When we first arrived, we were all together. The pink-haired man we met first wanted to talk to me—and then, suddenly, I was in a room with Caleb, and I had a concussion.
Dimitri said we were all separated, and attacked individually, that I must have been the only person who wasn't. How would he know? And then he looked...
[...
did she sound crazy? not everyone watches dimitri all day.]
... he is the type of person who keeps to himself, doesn't he? Or won't elect to volunteer information about how he's hurting.
At least, from what I've witnessed...
[ . . . ]
Perhaps you can ask again when the wound is less fresh. I know you must be worried - and reasonably so, of course. But... I wonder what could've happened that might make him react that way.
[ . . . she's patient, thoughtful as she tilts her head.]
... it's okay if you're not. [she'll reassure her again]
... if I name a few words, would you tell me which resonates most? Something you feel your chest react to, even if you wouldn't reach for the word yourself.
[it's the ache. surely, this is the ache viola was talking about. but it came all at once, assaulting in a confounding new shape. blinking is doing nothing, and she's bereft of words.
it's only really happened once, before—but then, it had made sense. hadn't it? sadness, frustration, loss, powerlessness... she could name those, now, looking back, even if she couldn't at the time. so why...
ah.
maybe it really wasn't so different, after all.
for another long moment, she sits, holding viola's hand, until she eventually takes the handkerchief, and wipes the tears herself.
[she'll hold onto byleth's hand then, and summon a cup of tea to sit close by in case she wants something warm for her throat.]
... I know it's frustrating, and at times it can seem easier to pretend that these feelings don't exist, but I also think...
[ . . . ]
It would be worse to never feel poorly, because it might mean there's nothing that close to your heart - that you don't want to lose, or that you don't want to see hurt. So... it's alright, if you feel.... well, if you just feel.
[she nods, still feeling utterly adrift. but at least the ache is lessened. fading, if just a bit.
or maybe just back to what it always was—a background noise she'd grown accustomed to. an ache so long-felt, now, and familiar, that it just didn't register anymore. not unless she looked right at it.
she passes viola's handkerchief back, and picks up the tea—but has a little difficulty swallowing a mouthful past the tangle of feelings that was lodged in her throat.
[she'll take it back and just allow some silence for byleth to process a little bit, before offering a smile - still tired at the corners, but sincere]
... you plan, you devise, and you invent ways for the people you care for to face less strife in the future, so everyone suffers less. Or at least... that's what I do.
[she looks at her lap again, listlessly trying to organize things mentally—and something seems to click.]
...I didn't realize what I was reacting to.
[so, maintaining the status quo—and coming to terms with its source. when viola speaks again, she looks up, and nods, looking almost a little surprised at the question.]
... well, it's probably not entirely too surprising to have an instinct that drives you to want to protect who and what you care about, even if you don't realize that's what it is.
[but she'll shift then - gingerly wrapping her arms around byleth, careful not to nudge her reattached arm]
But you can work through what that means now that you're aware. And I'm here for you too, if you need any help.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Don't say that. Thank you for looking after him. I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you. Here - let me help you to a place where you can lay down.
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[she accepts viola's noodle arms, but if she's in any pain, she isn't showing it.
once she's sat on a cushion pile or beanbag, she lets a little breath escape her.]
I suspect I should have gone to Sally, but...
...As his dormitory leader, it felt right to speak with you.
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Simply make sure your next purchases are with Sally - I understand why you went to me and I'm grateful for it. I worry he'd just hide it away from me otherwise.
[she looks so frustrated]
Can I get you anything? Water? Ice? A heating pad? I... I don't fully understand what you went through, but I'm so sorry...
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I'm not very good at these dormitory wars... [ironic, probably.
but she waves away the offers.]
We went to a place where we had to fight each other with our words under duress—except the words had the power to hurt one another.
[...]
And I suspect... Dimitri isn't telling me everything.
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You had to fight against each other? ... it's getting so hard to grasp if there's anything similar about these...
But what makes you say that? About Dimitri?
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...When we first arrived, we were all together. The pink-haired man we met first wanted to talk to me—and then, suddenly, I was in a room with Caleb, and I had a concussion.
Dimitri said we were all separated, and attacked individually, that I must have been the only person who wasn't. How would he know? And then he looked...
[...
did she sound crazy? not everyone watches dimitri all day.]
...Elsewhere.
[a little embarrassed:]
It... feels like something is missing.
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At least, from what I've witnessed...
[ . . . ]
Perhaps you can ask again when the wound is less fresh. I know you must be worried - and reasonably so, of course. But... I wonder what could've happened that might make him react that way.
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[.....
she looks at her hands, falling quiet again.]
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she'll reach out then, letting her fingertips brush against the back of byleth's hand]
And how do you feel about it?
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[...]
I...
[she's struggling, but instead of it being over text, now it's simply happening in real time.]
I don't know. [...] I'm fine.
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... it's okay if you're not. [she'll reassure her again]
... if I name a few words, would you tell me which resonates most? Something you feel your chest react to, even if you wouldn't reach for the word yourself.
Would that be easier?
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but as ever, she goes with the flow, eyes now solely on viola.]
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Do you feel...
Unsettled? Afraid? Worried? About him, or yourself? Or do none of those quite fit?
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[she tries each word, testing each one gently, feeling for an ache, something substantial.
she places a hand on her chest.
...
a little bit of her face crumbles.]
I think... it's all of them.
I know he's not alone. I know you're here. Others, too. He's doing better.
But I still...
no subject
When you care for someone, you wish for them to be well. What happened - no matter how he's getting better or healed now, did not treat Dimitri well.
You don't need to say it's fine, or that you feel fine, even knowing he's safe now or that he'll be looked after later.
To feel negatively is simply proof of how much your heart cares.
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the last part of her expression crumbles, leaving nothing but stunned silence.
she moves as if to speak, but nothing comes out.
instead, she feels her eyes, inexplicably, well with tears, one after another dropping to her lap.]
Wh...at?
[the confusion is writ large, even as she tries to blink the tears away.]
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viola sits patiently through it, taking byleth's hand in between both of hers as she waits for her to process her emotions.]
.... it's alright. You can cry. I won't tell anyone.
[her voice is soft and after a few more moments, she'll raise her other hand, now holding a soft handkerchief, so that she can wipe the tears away]
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it's only really happened once, before—but then, it had made sense. hadn't it? sadness, frustration, loss, powerlessness... she could name those, now, looking back, even if she couldn't at the time. so why...
ah.
maybe it really wasn't so different, after all.
for another long moment, she sits, holding viola's hand, until she eventually takes the handkerchief, and wipes the tears herself.
her voice is quiet, raw, when she finally says:]
Thank you.
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[she'll hold onto byleth's hand then, and summon a cup of tea to sit close by in case she wants something warm for her throat.]
... I know it's frustrating, and at times it can seem easier to pretend that these feelings don't exist, but I also think...
[ . . . ]
It would be worse to never feel poorly, because it might mean there's nothing that close to your heart - that you don't want to lose, or that you don't want to see hurt. So... it's alright, if you feel.... well, if you just feel.
no subject
or maybe just back to what it always was—a background noise she'd grown accustomed to. an ache so long-felt, now, and familiar, that it just didn't register anymore. not unless she looked right at it.
she passes viola's handkerchief back, and picks up the tea—but has a little difficulty swallowing a mouthful past the tangle of feelings that was lodged in her throat.
...]
I just don't know what to do with them, now.
[or even where to start.]
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... you plan, you devise, and you invent ways for the people you care for to face less strife in the future, so everyone suffers less. Or at least... that's what I do.
[ . . . ]
May I give you a hug, Byleth? I'll be careful.
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[she looks at her lap again, listlessly trying to organize things mentally—and something seems to click.]
...I didn't realize what I was reacting to.
[so, maintaining the status quo—and coming to terms with its source. when viola speaks again, she looks up, and nods, looking almost a little surprised at the question.]
no subject
[but she'll shift then - gingerly wrapping her arms around byleth, careful not to nudge her reattached arm]
But you can work through what that means now that you're aware. And I'm here for you too, if you need any help.
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with her one able arm, she reaches up, around viola, and closes her eyes, ignoring any pain it brings to do so.]
I think... if I spend too much time thinking about it, I feel exhausted.
But sometimes, it's all I think about.
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I don't think there's much to do about those thoughts - doesn't it just affirm how much you must care?
(no subject)