[in most cases, viola is polite enough to ask people if they want to meet her. in most cases, she is willing to get permission before she finds them, and in most cases, she doesn't actively use surveillance on those in her care.
this is not most cases.
wherever kainé is, viola appears alarmingly fast, out of breath and her eyes a bit red]
Kainé.
[her voice is already desperate]
Why - [why now, why not, why are you already going somewhere and what have I done to cause it] ... why?
[ Kainé does not know if it is the right thing to say, if it's smart to admit and confess right now, but people need to know, and Viola is in charge of Winter Dorm, and she needs to know of the dangers, doesn't she?
And Kainé is even more of a danger than she herself thought she could be. It's staggering, frightening.
And after that execution, after another Winter has been brought into danger, can she really stay any longer? Does she deserve any of this? Their support, their acceptance when none of them know? ]
You're as beautiful as Lunar Tear. [ Anyway. ] I killed Sieghart.
[ She states it as fact. There's more than one murderer in Winter. ]
Edited (I KEEP FORGETTING ABOUT HER CURSE FUCK) 2021-06-27 20:21 (UTC)
[ She is trying to keep herself in check, but she's never been any good at keeping her emotions under wraps. Her voice is coarse, raw with what murdering the way she did has done to her mentality. ]
I was fucking made to believe I had to kill him to end all this! How is that okay?!
[ It's not. It's not! She doesn't deserve to stay. ]
[Oh. "Made to believe". Viola startles, pauses, and just reaches her hands out, palms up to Kainé. She won't touch her first, even though it's touchy week, but she will offer it out.]
... it's not okay - what happened to you or him isn't okay.
[Her voice is soft, but it's also very certain.]
Something happened to you. I'm not mad at you. I...
If you go, only please go for your sake. Do it because you don't trust me, or you think being in Winter put you at risk. But don't do it because you think it'll make anyone relieved or satisfied.
[ Kainé does not reach back. She can't. Even allowing Ichiro to touch her at execution was more than she thinks she should have allowed, but she can't say she doesn't want to be accepted, that she doesn't want to be forgiven.
It's simply more than what she deserves. ]
I'm the goddamn risk! How is what happened to me not a risk?
[ She's always been a curse and cursed. This only solidifies it. ]
I think what happens here - it may happen to anyone. Otherwise, why would even Rupert have acted? And... I'm sorry that it happened to you. You didn't deserve that.
But I don't think there's anything about you that makes you more of a risk to have with us than any other.
[ It could happen to anyone, but if it's already happened to her. She's a known danger. It could happen twice to her. ]
That means I could do it again!
[ If what happened to her happened to Rupert. She doesn't know. She was almost too afraid to talk to Rupert, to hear it if he'd even want to say it, to know that it could happen to her again in certainty. ]
And this is different, Kainé. At least, I think it is. [she's still soft, but the wheels in her brain are turning] Because you're able to tell me.
I went to see Rupert last night, on my own, and I - I couldn't figure out anything. No one was able to get information from Kaoruko either - why wouldn't they warn others if it's just a matter of this place compelling them and they could tell people?
[her brow furrows]
Can you tell me what happened? What your thoughts were, and how long they lasted?
[ Kainé's brain stutters. If it's different, what else is at play? This is the fucking worst.
It at least her makes her stop drowning in her self-loathing for a second. ]
From Thursday night until trial ended, I thought Sieghart was related to all the other murders somehow. I thought he had to be stopped for everything here to end. He was to blame. Murdering him was the solution. He had to die.
[ It's not a thought sequence that's too foreign to her. Murder was part of the solution at home even if the solution is terrible. Thinking that she needed to bloody her hands was not new. ]
[she can, but she won't breathe it out loud if kainé doesn't want her to.]
From what I could tell, Kaoruko and Rupert... they haven't told anyone what motivated them - and if it were something that they could admit, I don't understand why they wouldn't warn others. You're telling me and I understand if you don't broadcast what happened to you given the dangers of it but...
They were already facing expulsion, and would not have much to lose.
So... my presumption is the motivations are different - and what happened is different. It's not good news... but it is why I don't think that your situation and Rupert's are the same. I don't know if we can assume you will act again.
I did think about telling some others. The more people who know, the more can be figured out.
[ The only thing holding her back (because she isn't afraid of facing death) is Nier. When she doesn't know if he'll exist out of this place, leaving him is much harder to do. ]
If what happened to them and what happened to me is different, I should.
[ It affects more than just her, and she is more than used to people hating her and wanting her dead.
At the end of the day, even if all she knows is how to kill, she does want to be able to save people. The reason she tried to frame Denji was because she knew he could be saved if he weren't also a murderer (and because she didn't want Nier to face the idea of losing her so easily even if she also knew it would point at her). ]
Be careful. It has its benefits but it also has its risks - to you in particular. Even if it's only that compulsion is involved to some degree in murder, that information can be circulated without your name being attached to it.
I think information is powerful but in this case, it's risky... I don't think you need to pay the cost. Not this way.
Don't you think they'll figure it out even if I don't come out and say I killed?
[ She had zero votes this time, but once she says she knows the reasoning behind at least one kill, it won't be hard to pin it down. At least, she doesn't think it would be hard to follow the trail back to her. ]
... but the person you told does, don't they? And they seem like a kind person who others might trust with this information. Even if it's gradual, or if he ended up telling you.
[she tilts her head. strategizing isn't her forte, but she does seem the importance in the information. she just doesn't know if she sees the importance enough to put kainé in danger]
It's risky, given the amount of attention on our Dorm as is - but it can be measured carefully depending on who you tell to begin with. Murdering due to compulsion is already a popular theory....
[ah.... even with permission - it's hard. she opens her mouth to try to find the words, and then falters, but ultimately the only way it can happen is when her expression shatters just a bit.]
I don't want to lose you.
[her fingers curl into the fabric of her skirts, clutching onto something, anything, in some search of a lifeline]
I didn't want to lose Rupert either, even knowing what he'd done, and knowing people would feel better about themselves than if they convicted an innocent. But I don't want to lose anyone. It's selfish, after what other dorms have been through - but I can't stand it.
But Denji, Kon, Dimitri, Catra - we keep brushing so close every week.
And... because Winter has felt like home to me more than any other place in my life and -
I want you to stay because I want you here, and because I think it'd feel less like home to all of us if you were gone suddenly too.
[ Kainé is stunned. Viola knows of her murder and still wants her to stay, and it's hard to believe.
She is too awkward to reach for Viola's hands because Kainé is still scared. Murdering Sieghart wasn't all her own will, but that doesn't erase everything else she's done before coming here.
It would be a lie to say she doesn't want to stay, but can she allow herself to? ]
[ . . . . oh. she breathes out at that, so relieved. kainé doesn't reach out for viola's hands but - she ends up reaching out herself, letting her fingertips brush just lightly against the back of kainé's hand.]
.... I'm so glad.
We'll figure this out, Kainé - I promise. Just... please don't go.
[ She doesn't take a step back or wrench her hands away, so it's a step. Even if it's touch week, some compulsions sting after a whole weekend of them.
She doesn't think she can promise anything right now. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week 2, post-execution
this is not most cases.
wherever kainé is, viola appears alarmingly fast, out of breath and her eyes a bit red]
Kainé.
[her voice is already desperate]
Why - [why now, why not, why are you already going somewhere and what have I done to cause it] ... why?
no subject
And Kainé is even more of a danger than she herself thought she could be. It's staggering, frightening.
And after that execution, after another Winter has been brought into danger, can she really stay any longer? Does she deserve any of this? Their support, their acceptance when none of them know? ]
You're as beautiful as Lunar Tear. [ Anyway. ] I killed Sieghart.
[ She states it as fact. There's more than one murderer in Winter. ]
no subject
Oh.
Some things click suddenly, and she pauses for a moment before she shakes her head, immediate.]
Please stay.
I want to know why - but... no one wanted Rupert to go either, Kainé. That's not...
That doesn't determine whether or not you should stay.
no subject
[ She sounds so sure. ]
I don't know when my hands will be forced again.
[ She is trying to keep herself in check, but she's never been any good at keeping her emotions under wraps. Her voice is coarse, raw with what murdering the way she did has done to her mentality. ]
I was fucking made to believe I had to kill him to end all this! How is that okay?!
[ It's not. It's not! She doesn't deserve to stay. ]
no subject
... it's not okay - what happened to you or him isn't okay.
[Her voice is soft, but it's also very certain.]
Something happened to you. I'm not mad at you. I...
If you go, only please go for your sake. Do it because you don't trust me, or you think being in Winter put you at risk. But don't do it because you think it'll make anyone relieved or satisfied.
It won't.
no subject
It's simply more than what she deserves. ]
I'm the goddamn risk! How is what happened to me not a risk?
[ She's always been a curse and cursed. This only solidifies it. ]
no subject
[ . . . . ]
I think what happens here - it may happen to anyone. Otherwise, why would even Rupert have acted? And... I'm sorry that it happened to you. You didn't deserve that.
But I don't think there's anything about you that makes you more of a risk to have with us than any other.
no subject
[ It could happen to anyone, but if it's already happened to her. She's a known danger. It could happen twice to her. ]
That means I could do it again!
[ If what happened to her happened to Rupert. She doesn't know. She was almost too afraid to talk to Rupert, to hear it if he'd even want to say it, to know that it could happen to her again in certainty. ]
What the fuck am I supposed to do, Viola?
no subject
I went to see Rupert last night, on my own, and I - I couldn't figure out anything. No one was able to get information from Kaoruko either - why wouldn't they warn others if it's just a matter of this place compelling them and they could tell people?
[her brow furrows]
Can you tell me what happened? What your thoughts were, and how long they lasted?
no subject
It at least her makes her stop drowning in her self-loathing for a second. ]
From Thursday night until trial ended, I thought Sieghart was related to all the other murders somehow. I thought he had to be stopped for everything here to end. He was to blame. Murdering him was the solution. He had to die.
[ It's not a thought sequence that's too foreign to her. Murder was part of the solution at home even if the solution is terrible. Thinking that she needed to bloody her hands was not new. ]
no subject
Could you tell anyone? [a beat] You don't have to tell me who but... did you tell anyone?
no subject
[ She's certain Viola can connect the dots. It's not like she's hidden how important Nier is to her. ]
no subject
From what I could tell, Kaoruko and Rupert... they haven't told anyone what motivated them - and if it were something that they could admit, I don't understand why they wouldn't warn others. You're telling me and I understand if you don't broadcast what happened to you given the dangers of it but...
They were already facing expulsion, and would not have much to lose.
So... my presumption is the motivations are different - and what happened is different. It's not good news... but it is why I don't think that your situation and Rupert's are the same. I don't know if we can assume you will act again.
no subject
I did think about telling some others. The more people who know, the more can be figured out.
[ The only thing holding her back (because she isn't afraid of facing death) is Nier. When she doesn't know if he'll exist out of this place, leaving him is much harder to do. ]
If what happened to them and what happened to me is different, I should.
[ It affects more than just her, and she is more than used to people hating her and wanting her dead.
At the end of the day, even if all she knows is how to kill, she does want to be able to save people. The reason she tried to frame Denji was because she knew he could be saved if he weren't also a murderer (and because she didn't want Nier to face the idea of losing her so easily even if she also knew it would point at her). ]
no subject
Be careful. It has its benefits but it also has its risks - to you in particular. Even if it's only that compulsion is involved to some degree in murder, that information can be circulated without your name being attached to it.
I think information is powerful but in this case, it's risky... I don't think you need to pay the cost. Not this way.
no subject
[ She had zero votes this time, but once she says she knows the reasoning behind at least one kill, it won't be hard to pin it down. At least, she doesn't think it would be hard to follow the trail back to her. ]
I don't talk to many people.
no subject
... but the person you told does, don't they? And they seem like a kind person who others might trust with this information. Even if it's gradual, or if he ended up telling you.
[she tilts her head. strategizing isn't her forte, but she does seem the importance in the information. she just doesn't know if she sees the importance enough to put kainé in danger]
It's risky, given the amount of attention on our Dorm as is - but it can be measured carefully depending on who you tell to begin with. Murdering due to compulsion is already a popular theory....
It can simply stand to be confirmed.
no subject
[ It would be easy to point at Nier. She has already put so much on his plate, though.
... ]
I don't know why you'd want me to stay still.
no subject
Am I allowed to answer selfishly?
[it feels like something where she has to ask for permission]
no subject
[ She doesn't need Viola's official dorm head answer or whatever other kind of answer she would want to give.
She'd understand, but it'd have less effect on her. ]
no subject
I don't want to lose you.
[her fingers curl into the fabric of her skirts, clutching onto something, anything, in some search of a lifeline]
I didn't want to lose Rupert either, even knowing what he'd done, and knowing people would feel better about themselves than if they convicted an innocent. But I don't want to lose anyone. It's selfish, after what other dorms have been through - but I can't stand it.
But Denji, Kon, Dimitri, Catra - we keep brushing so close every week.
And... because Winter has felt like home to me more than any other place in my life and -
I want you to stay because I want you here, and because I think it'd feel less like home to all of us if you were gone suddenly too.
no subject
She is too awkward to reach for Viola's hands because Kainé is still scared. Murdering Sieghart wasn't all her own will, but that doesn't erase everything else she's done before coming here.
It would be a lie to say she doesn't want to stay, but can she allow herself to? ]
Not wanting to lose anyone is normal.
[ If it's selfish, they're all selfish. ]
Fuck anyone who says otherwise.
[ ... ]
I'll stay.
no subject
.... I'm so glad.
We'll figure this out, Kainé - I promise. Just... please don't go.
no subject
She doesn't think she can promise anything right now. ]
If I leave, it will be because others want it.
no subject
[her expression softens then]
Everyone wants you in Winter just as much as I do. I'm more than sure of that.
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