[ Dimitri gets turned around and runs back eventually. He finds three of the four party members in various states of disarray on the ground. They're doing great. ]
Excuse me, Queen Frostine, but have you seen a big glowing portal? Or the Candy Castle. Either one. I'm not picky. Oh-- Shite. A pile of gold. About a million and a half if I remember right.
Ha! Wasn't everyone saying these things are supposed to ruin your life? I've never felt better. Suppose the rabbit following me around is a bit creepy. It's the dead eyes.
[The girl jumps back when C-Rex nibbles. After mustering up her courage again, shes's about to try and give him a pet, when Molly speaks. She then stares at Molly, confused.]
Um... Are you looking for the king? I've heard he usually spends his time in the Tower of Time now, if you're trying to meet with him... All the adults have been whispering stuff about him doing stuff with time and how weird blue stuff has been showing up lately.
[From his spot on the ground, where he's just vibing with his hands folded over his chest like a corpse:]
Perhaps we should journey there, then. Maybe in a place called "the Tower of Time", I'll find the ability to erase every non-licorice piece of food I've consumed from my history as penance for my crimes against humanity.
[ Dimitri nods along at all that the girl says—not what Sakyuo or Molly are talking about, because not a single word of that made sense—because he's apparently worn off his case of giggles for a second. The cats climb up onto his shoulders so he can try and pull Sakyou up to his feet, at least. ]
Can you direct us to the tower? We should be off as soon as possible.
But the girl will point them in the direction of the tower! They'll be able to see its spire... because once they reach it, after the trek there, it's twenty floors, and the king will not be found on the firsty nineteen. Get to work climbing those stairs.
[Thanks for the gentle nibbles buddy, Sakyou will pat C-Rex's noggin in guilty gratitude.
BUT OFF THEY GO... you think about how these poor cats have just been dragged along on this entire wildass adventure while the people carrying them jump at dinosaurs and hallucinate? I think about them. Anyway, once they arrive, he'll trek into the first floor through the human-shaped door, sword out and ready to shank. Why does he think they're going to need to fight this guy...
In a brief moment of lucidity:] It's a little strange for a sovereign to be in an unguarded tower, isn't it?
Apparently the king of this land has was seen here last. I assume we need to discover what his motives are.
[ Time travel... he refrains from giggling at Caleb gnawing on Sakyou's face so that he can draw his spear and check out the stairs. They've got a long way to go, after all. ]
Oh, right, yeah you were-- In the lizard. We're going to find the time travel king and then go back to where the cheerful idiot with lots of money is. I assume. It can't be that hard, I think I understand time travel now. A man with a red coat has been explaining it all to me. It's something about how the reindeer move so quickly and the sleigh itself is aerodynamic so they start to slip through time and space itself.
[Imagine if I said you could only go up one flight of stairs every tag round.
But they climb up twenty flights without interference! Well, external interference. I take no responsibility if Dimitri nyooms away at some point or if Sakyou collapses in his sasuke cheese guilt, but anyway.
The top floor takes them to a large and very ominous door, with no hint as to what's behind it. Do they open it?]
[It'd be what they deserved honestly. Also hopefully Caleb bit the ear that wasn't clawed so he doesn't get a mouthful of blood, god bless.
ANYWAY! UP THEY GO. He's absolutely stopping somewhere around the midway point for a cheeseburger sasuke breakdown but it's fine he'll catch back up. And then stand in front of this ominous door for a second, looking at it, looking at the rest of their group... Poor sweet Caleb who might still be in love with a dinosaur, Dimitri the giggling menace and Molly who's learning all of Santa's trade tricks.]
Well. There's probably some sort of trap or something on the other side, so I'll go first. It's the least I can do to make up for the thousands of frowns I've caused in my life...
So we are all horribly cursed, it seems. [He still has some feelings for the King of Extinction even now, but. . . ] Well, let's stick together. I'm out of spells now, though.
[So he still still stay behind poor cursed Sakyou.]
[ Dimitri probably backtracked once or twice, but he's made it up these stairs and is looking fairly serious? It's a lot of effort, but the door is ominous enough to sober him up a little. ]
The rest of us can lead, then.
[ Even though Molly is completely incomprehensible and Sakyou is emo, theoretically they can fight. ]
[They open the door, which takes them to a strange dome-like room. The floor is less of a floor and more of a platform, with nothing to stop someone from falling off the edge and into the endless void below. Hanging from the ceiling is a bizarre-looking machine, including a bunch of metallic baby heads, which is not ominous at all.
Standing by the edge closest to the machine is the king, who seems to be powering it through magic. When he hears them enter, though, he whirls around in a frenzy.]
Who are you!? Have you come to interfere? I won't let you! I've already altered the Future to create my desired timeline... and soon, I'll be able to change the past as well! I'm so close—I won't let anyone get in my way!
[He babbles on like this, dramatically pointing a finger at the group and conveniently revealing all of his motives even though no one asked.]
Then, I'll be able to undo my wife and child's deaths!
[THERE'S A LOT HAPPENING HERE. Sakyou will take the front with Dimitri to protect their squishy magic users, at least, because he can indeed still fight even though he's emo. He's just sweatily looking at these funky metal baby heads and then listening to this dramatic monologue.
He's hit in his little guilt-riddled heart about these DEAD FAMILY motives, but also...]
Is the future not in ruins? [IT COLLAPSED AROUND THEM, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO RAISE A ZOMBIE FAMILY LIKE THAT. He glances toward the others, readying his blade.]
One can't simply sacrifice the lives of everyone in the future for such a thing...
[Time to kill the king and run before getting tried for crimes against the crown?? He won't attack just yet though, in case anyone else has some Reason With The Crazy Guy plan.]
[This is rude? Please don't take his super secret and tragic personal motivations and use them in this jokeass field trip where we are also cursed to see Santa? You spend five years trying to invent time travel for real and some dipshit pretend guy doesn't even know about maintaining the timeline. He's dead-eyeing this all so much right now.]
Yeah, this won't work. Sorry, did you just say you created your ideal future before changing the past?
[ As much as he understands dead family angst, he's also seen a dude try and revive someone before and it did not end well. Sometimes you have to let dead people stay dead and it's terrible. ]
You cannot make right by the dead this way. Stand down.
[ He has to stop himself from laughing at this poor man's deceased loved ones story but he manages to make that sound like a real threat. ]
[The saddest part is Molly is supposed to be a tank. He's just level 5.
He doesn't have any particular time travel trauma, and as much as it's sad to lose your wife and child, well. He would very much like to get back alive and not destroyed by a mad time travel king? Surely just try and pay for a resurrection. You're a king, you can afford it.
Anyway, I think everyone has the verbal arguments covered? Molly notices the Easter Bunny hiding around a corner, who waves to him to come try and sneak around and flank King Kandy. He was in the back, so maybe he can sort of scoot around in the shadows unnoticed to try and get closer to the machinery with the guy noticing.]
[The king's magic starts growing, as if in a frenzy.]
I won't let you interfere! No one can!
[—Except then he apparently pours a little too much power, because now it looks like the machine is losing control! Lights flash, the entire area shakes, and the part of the platform beneath the king crumbles... and so down he goes, screaming as he plunges into the depths.
Wow. Boss fight over! That was easy.
... Except now the baby heads are fully awake and also screaming, though aside from hurting people's ears because they're really goddamn loud, it doesn't look like anything is happening...?]
[Wh. Help. WHAT IS HAPPENING... Sakyou's just wincing at the babies shrieking, glancing around like he expects there to be answers anywhere about literally anything that's going on. IS THE KING DEAD?? ARE THEY GOING TO BE TRIED FOR CRIMES AGAINST THE CROWN? THEY COULDN'T EVEN HOLD THIS GUY HOSTAGE FOR RANSOM.]
...I-- should we... destroy this machine, or...?
[Or just bounce? They probably need a portal to get out of here though, he assumes. Perhaps??
He doesn't know how to use magic time traveling machines so he'll leave that to someone else, instead looking to see if there's anything else to be found in the room that might help them. A hidden portal? Sneaky enemies waiting to be defeated and turned in for a bounty? A chest full of kingly treasures to pay off their debts?]
[He. Sigh. He doesn't want to be the one on magic time travel duty but it is in his skillset so yeah he'll just go inspect the machine and the babyheads to try to see if he can understand how it works.]
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Excuse me, Queen Frostine, but have you seen a big glowing portal? Or the Candy Castle. Either one. I'm not picky. Oh-- Shite. A pile of gold. About a million and a half if I remember right.
Ha! Wasn't everyone saying these things are supposed to ruin your life? I've never felt better. Suppose the rabbit following me around is a bit creepy. It's the dead eyes.
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Um... Are you looking for the king? I've heard he usually spends his time in the Tower of Time now, if you're trying to meet with him... All the adults have been whispering stuff about him doing stuff with time and how weird blue stuff has been showing up lately.
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Perhaps we should journey there, then. Maybe in a place called "the Tower of Time", I'll find the ability to erase every non-licorice piece of food I've consumed from my history as penance for my crimes against humanity.
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Let's go to this fuckin' tower y'all. Caleb is actually extremely horny for time travel but he's currently too dumb to remember that.]
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Can you direct us to the tower? We should be off as soon as possible.
[ Please let these villagers rest. ]
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But the girl will point them in the direction of the tower! They'll be able to see its spire... because once they reach it, after the trek there, it's twenty floors, and the king will not be found on the firsty nineteen. Get to work climbing those stairs.
The door is also unfortunately not T-Rex sized.]
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BUT OFF THEY GO... you think about how these poor cats have just been dragged along on this entire wildass adventure while the people carrying them jump at dinosaurs and hallucinate? I think about them. Anyway, once they arrive, he'll trek into the first floor through the human-shaped door, sword out and ready to shank. Why does he think they're going to need to fight this guy...
In a brief moment of lucidity:] It's a little strange for a sovereign to be in an unguarded tower, isn't it?
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. . . Sorry, what is happening? This is the tower of the time travel king?
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[ Time travel... he refrains from giggling at Caleb gnawing on Sakyou's face so that he can draw his spear and check out the stairs. They've got a long way to go, after all. ]
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Oh, right, yeah you were-- In the lizard. We're going to find the time travel king and then go back to where the cheerful idiot with lots of money is. I assume. It can't be that hard, I think I understand time travel now. A man with a red coat has been explaining it all to me. It's something about how the reindeer move so quickly and the sleigh itself is aerodynamic so they start to slip through time and space itself.
... It makes more sense when you hear him say it.
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But they climb up twenty flights without interference! Well, external interference. I take no responsibility if Dimitri nyooms away at some point or if Sakyou collapses in his sasuke cheese guilt, but anyway.
The top floor takes them to a large and very ominous door, with no hint as to what's behind it. Do they open it?]
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ANYWAY! UP THEY GO. He's absolutely stopping somewhere around the midway point for a cheeseburger sasuke breakdown but it's fine he'll catch back up. And then stand in front of this ominous door for a second, looking at it, looking at the rest of their group... Poor sweet Caleb who might still be in love with a dinosaur, Dimitri the giggling menace and Molly who's learning all of Santa's trade tricks.]
Well. There's probably some sort of trap or something on the other side, so I'll go first. It's the least I can do to make up for the thousands of frowns I've caused in my life...
[Yeah he's goin for it TIME TO OPEN THAT DOOR.]
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So we are all horribly cursed, it seems. [He still has some feelings for the King of Extinction even now, but. . . ] Well, let's stick together. I'm out of spells now, though.
[So he still still stay behind poor cursed Sakyou.]
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The rest of us can lead, then.
[ Even though Molly is completely incomprehensible and Sakyou is emo, theoretically they can fight. ]
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[He's not. But he's fine.]
Also out of powers however.
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Standing by the edge closest to the machine is the king, who seems to be powering it through magic. When he hears them enter, though, he whirls around in a frenzy.]
Who are you!? Have you come to interfere? I won't let you! I've already altered the Future to create my desired timeline... and soon, I'll be able to change the past as well! I'm so close—I won't let anyone get in my way!
[He babbles on like this, dramatically pointing a finger at the group and conveniently revealing all of his motives even though no one asked.]
Then, I'll be able to undo my wife and child's deaths!
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He's hit in his little guilt-riddled heart about these DEAD FAMILY motives, but also...]
Is the future not in ruins? [IT COLLAPSED AROUND THEM, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO RAISE A ZOMBIE FAMILY LIKE THAT. He glances toward the others, readying his blade.]
One can't simply sacrifice the lives of everyone in the future for such a thing...
[Time to kill the king and run before getting tried for crimes against the crown?? He won't attack just yet though, in case anyone else has some Reason With The Crazy Guy plan.]
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Yeah, this won't work. Sorry, did you just say you created your ideal future before changing the past?
Do we have to do this?
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You cannot make right by the dead this way. Stand down.
[ He has to stop himself from laughing at this poor man's deceased loved ones story but he manages to make that sound like a real threat. ]
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He doesn't have any particular time travel trauma, and as much as it's sad to lose your wife and child, well. He would very much like to get back alive and not destroyed by a mad time travel king? Surely just try and pay for a resurrection. You're a king, you can afford it.
Anyway, I think everyone has the verbal arguments covered? Molly notices the Easter Bunny hiding around a corner, who waves to him to come try and sneak around and flank King Kandy. He was in the back, so maybe he can sort of scoot around in the shadows unnoticed to try and get closer to the machinery with the guy noticing.]
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[The king's magic starts growing, as if in a frenzy.]
I won't let you interfere! No one can!
[—Except then he apparently pours a little too much power, because now it looks like the machine is losing control! Lights flash, the entire area shakes, and the part of the platform beneath the king crumbles... and so down he goes, screaming as he plunges into the depths.
Wow. Boss fight over! That was easy.
... Except now the baby heads are fully awake and also screaming, though aside from hurting people's ears because they're really goddamn loud, it doesn't look like anything is happening...?]
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...I-- should we... destroy this machine, or...?
[Or just bounce? They probably need a portal to get out of here though, he assumes. Perhaps??
He doesn't know how to use magic time traveling machines so he'll leave that to someone else, instead looking to see if there's anything else to be found in the room that might help them. A hidden portal? Sneaky enemies waiting to be defeated and turned in for a bounty? A chest full of kingly treasures to pay off their debts?]
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