Probably any drinking song will do as well. Let's see, how about -
[Well, only one song pops into his head, so he will just start singing it. It is raunchy and has a lyric that just goes 'the Ruby of the Sea is the best lay ever' over and over again so that's nice.]
[ Okay. I guess they are dancing to this shanty about Miss Ruby. Dimitri very half-heartedly hums along as he catches onto the melody, which is easy, because it is the same lyric by a lot. His waltz has not suffered much over the years of disuse, but he looks very worn out by this song choice.
Pretend they actually input their answers onto the screen, too. ]
[As they have this very romantic moment, more text pops up on their screen. Hey, pay attention.]
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd and Caleb Widogast are two new actors. While their new relationship is making all the tabloids, their actual acting abilities are... okay, giving them an average salary. Much of their wages go into paying off the 1,500,000 G Caleb's cat-hating drunkard ancestors left him with and that Dimitri generously agreed to help paid off in his undying love for him.
TOTAL DEBT: 1,500,000 G
And so their tale begins...
[If Caleb wants to go back to pspspsping the robo cats after his dance with Dimitri, he is free to! One or two might even follow him around.
That aside, they might see a worried-looking man pacing around the streets.]
Caleb ends up adopting a few robotic cats. Their maintenance costs add to his debt.
DEBT: +250,000 G
TOTAL DEBT: 1,750,000 G
[But hey, the cats seem like they're having a good time with him. Please give them snuggles, sir.
The man looks up, before taking a frantic step towards Dimitri.]
Ah—help me, please! Someone saw my son heading towards the Industrial Ruins... [he gestures to the city exit they're standing next to.] I'm worried he might be in danger. There's a lot of rogue robots over there, after all.
[ He watches the debt as it increases. Is this... a problem? Hopefully not, because he does not think Caleb will stop adopting cats. ]
...I am grateful you have invited these illustrious cats into our home, Caleb.
[ Please do your job, kities. Also, while they're being directed to the ruins, do they have their inventory? Or are they just going to the robot mines with nothing? ]
[Thanks, Dimitri, because this man was about to say that he absolutely does not have that kind of money.
As they head towards the ruins, they'll be able to glance over the railings of their path. Below are clouds, mainly—they're too high up in the sky to see the contaminated land below. Still, they might get a sense of it even here, as the way to the ruins is desolated and devoid of any nature.
It doesn't take long before they come across the ruins: what looks to be an abandoned factory or lab. If they try walking through the door, though, a barrier stops them. A screen—different from their screen of DEBT—pops up.]
Once upon a time, a happy family who lived in a circular house. The mother's name was Mandricardo, the father's name was Lan Wangji, the chef's name was Otome, the maid's name was Alphinaud, the brother's name was Claude, the sister's name was Denji, and the cat's name was Caiman.
Mandricoard and Lan Wangji went out one evening. Sadly, when they came back, Caiman had died.
Everyone was asked about what they were doing during that time, so as to find out who was responsible for Caiman's death.
Claude said he was watching TV with his Denji. Denji confirmed this.
Alphinaud said she was busy all evening dusting the corners of the house.
Otome said she had spent the evening preparing a devon crab to make into a delicious saghert and cream which she planned on serving the following night.
[I'm going to be honest, Dimitri's very sincere refusal to accept money in this fictional scenario is very endearing to him. So he lets it go even though you agree to accept a little money when you're broke, Dimitri.
Anyway, then he's just reading this shit when it pops up. A riddle about a dead cat would be bad enough if it wasn't for Caiman being the cat. But he sighs.]
It was a circular house, no corners. Alphinaud is the culprit.
[ Sometimes you stop being feral long enough to start being broke, forever. At least they have their cats to bring them happiness, if not gold. And love(?).
But in any case, Dimitri looks impressed that Caleb solved this so readily. Having to solve Caiman's murder feels like it's in bad taste, though. ]
What do you mean? It is normal to have to do puzzles while you are exploring a ruin.
[Well. Time for me to make use of the skill that Caleb is borrowing this week. Inexplicably, he just parkours away from the lasers, using Dimitri's shoulder to leap into the air and then start dodging between them before leaping up to try to punch one.]
[ But no time to ask why DND is so weird. Instead, Dimitri acts as a spring for Caleb to do his fancy parkour, supporting him without issue before swinging his lance at the other drones in a wide arc. He gets clipped by some lasers, but it's not as bad as Corneria... probably. ]
[These drones are definitely not as bad as, like, lasers being fired from a ship.
Is Caleb just punching one with his bare hand? It does some damage and the drone does the air equivalent of stumbling back, but also Caleb basically just punched metal so that will probably hurt.
Dimitri cuts down the other three drones. The fourth, apparently realizing that all of its brethren have fallen, makes distressed beeping noises before flying away.
They can continue ahead for now! They'll come across what looks to be a sci-fi terminal of some sort, its screen flickering on and off. Do any of them even know how to operate computers? If not, they are free to ignore it and move on.]
[He is just punching with his bare hand, yeah. Sometimes you borrowed the monk's skill set, but not her physique, so it definitely does jack up his hand. He's just standing here shaking it out like 'ow,' this never happens to Beau when she punches a robot.
Anyway, they can continue to the terminal. Caleb. . . knows what a computer is? He has played video games? So he will approach it, tentatively, and see if he can turn it on.]
. . . Um. May want to stand back in case of a trap.
[ Parkour earns style points at least. Even if punching solid metal is usually a rough time.
And excuse you, Jan, but they have all used computers to write friendfiction? They're experts. But Dimitri just nods and stays a few steps back while Caleb messes with the console, watching warily for more lasers and motion sensor bombs. ]
[Caleb and Dimitri, as they approach the computer, set off a trap! A bomb detonates, killing them both.
I decided that I'm not completely joking, actually. The floor panel beeps, before an invisible blast knocks Caleb back. Caleb rolled a 6 so he probably bangs his head against an abandoned piece of machinery as he's sent flying. This activates another blast, which this time sends him flying into Dimitri's arms. "Was that necessary" yea i wanted it.]
[You're so valid, Jan. There's still time for Dimitrileb to happen and I for one hope it happens on this CYOA. Anyway this is actually about what he expected because again, he is a Dungeon & Dragon and sometimes you tell people to wait 30 feet back and then the blast radius of the trap is 60 feet.
Anyway, he bonks his sweet head pretty hard, and he's just a wizard, so he's probably pretty hurt. Ow.]
[ Jan in this CYOA like you WILL be married. It's valid. Dimitri catches Caleb's waifish omega frame in his big strong arms.
But no, that was bad; he's left wide-eyed in the blast, but manages to catch Caleb without the two of them going flying, steadying him as he scowls at the console. If the floor panel set off the explosion, does the screen actually show anything now? Were they better off not knowing what a computer is after all? ]
Robo Cat A and Robo Cat B (do they have names? who knows) go up to Caleb. D: Is the man okay.
The screen will turn on, for your troubles.]
Wh-n Elem--tal P-i-ma coul- no -onger -- used, One- Pri-ma -as develo--d as a n-w energy so--ce, but it- usage is lead--g to --me-ua-es and de-tab-li-i-- the --me la---. If this co-tinu-s, all of --me a-d s-a-- wi-l be in p--i-.
Pro-essor was w--king on a s-lution to stabi--ze i-. Howeve-, wh-n -e sent reports -- pos--ble s-cces-, he v-nishe- be-or- he --uld exp-ain the -etho-.
[He groans and sits up, cradled tenderly in Dimitri's strong, muscular arms, his senses overwhelmed with the heady musk of the alpha's scent making him feel safe and protected. He reaches up and touches a hand to his head, coming away with blood on his fingers. He's a little bruised and singed, but other than that head injury, he seems okay? He will get to his feet unsteadily, giving his robo cats Silber and Streusel a pat on the head.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Well, only one song pops into his head, so he will just start singing it. It is raunchy and has a lyric that just goes 'the Ruby of the Sea is the best lay ever' over and over again so that's nice.]
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Pretend they actually input their answers onto the screen, too. ]
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Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd and Caleb Widogast are two new actors. While their new relationship is making all the tabloids, their actual acting abilities are... okay, giving them an average salary. Much of their wages go into paying off the 1,500,000 G Caleb's cat-hating drunkard ancestors left him with and that Dimitri generously agreed to help paid off in his undying love for him.
TOTAL DEBT: 1,500,000 G
And so their tale begins...
[If Caleb wants to go back to pspspsping the robo cats after his dance with Dimitri, he is free to! One or two might even follow him around.
That aside, they might see a worried-looking man pacing around the streets.]
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[Yeah, he just reads this and goes back to pspspsping the cats.]
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[ Caleb, love of his life, goes to pspspsps at cats. Dimitri accepts this, because it could actually be the correct objective.
But he will meanwhile go and try to grab the man's attention. ]
Pardon me. Do you need assistance?
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Caleb ends up adopting a few robotic cats. Their maintenance costs add to his debt.
DEBT: +250,000 G
TOTAL DEBT: 1,750,000 G
[But hey, the cats seem like they're having a good time with him. Please give them snuggles, sir.
The man looks up, before taking a frantic step towards Dimitri.]
Ah—help me, please! Someone saw my son heading towards the Industrial Ruins... [he gestures to the city exit they're standing next to.] I'm worried he might be in danger. There's a lot of rogue robots over there, after all.
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[He looks at the screen, frowning.]
Dimitri, I am so glad that we have trained these cats to fetch me gems and gold, and also to perform rescues in the Industrial Ruins.
[Any luck, screen? Well, anyway. This is stupid, but he will still turn towards the man.]
We will go take a look. Which way to the ruins, then?
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...I am grateful you have invited these illustrious cats into our home, Caleb.
[ Please do your job, kities. Also, while they're being directed to the ruins, do they have their inventory? Or are they just going to the robot mines with nothing? ]
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They will have their inventory and abilities! Yay. The man points out the direction to the ruins.]
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. . . Our child rescue services are 1,750,000 gold, sir.
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Pay him no mind. It costs us nothing to help a troubled parent. We will see to it that the ruins are investigated.
[ The child does not exist, Dimitri. ]
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As they head towards the ruins, they'll be able to glance over the railings of their path. Below are clouds, mainly—they're too high up in the sky to see the contaminated land below. Still, they might get a sense of it even here, as the way to the ruins is desolated and devoid of any nature.
It doesn't take long before they come across the ruins: what looks to be an abandoned factory or lab. If they try walking through the door, though, a barrier stops them. A screen—different from their screen of DEBT—pops up.]
Once upon a time, a happy family who lived in a circular house. The mother's name was Mandricardo, the father's name was Lan Wangji, the chef's name was Otome, the maid's name was Alphinaud, the brother's name was Claude, the sister's name was Denji, and the cat's name was Caiman.
Mandricoard and Lan Wangji went out one evening. Sadly, when they came back, Caiman had died.
Everyone was asked about what they were doing during that time, so as to find out who was responsible for Caiman's death.
Claude said he was watching TV with his Denji. Denji confirmed this.
Alphinaud said she was busy all evening dusting the corners of the house.
Otome said she had spent the evening preparing a devon crab to make into a delicious saghert and cream which she planned on serving the following night.
Who was responsible for Caiman's demise?
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Anyway, then he's just reading this shit when it pops up. A riddle about a dead cat would be bad enough if it wasn't for Caiman being the cat. But he sighs.]
It was a circular house, no corners. Alphinaud is the culprit.
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But in any case, Dimitri looks impressed that Caleb solved this so readily. Having to solve Caiman's murder feels like it's in bad taste, though. ]
Oh, clever of you to catch that.
[ ... ]
...Why are we solving a riddle, now?
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If they enter the building and head down the halls, though, at one point four flying drones come swarming in and scan them.]
INDIVIDUALS NOT RECOGNIZED IN DATABASE. INTRUDER ALERT. INTRUDER ALERT.
[Hm, that doesn't sound good.
They begin firing lasers at the two.]
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[Well. Time for me to make use of the skill that Caleb is borrowing this week. Inexplicably, he just parkours away from the lasers, using Dimitri's shoulder to leap into the air and then start dodging between them before leaping up to try to punch one.]
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[ But no time to ask why DND is so weird. Instead, Dimitri acts as a spring for Caleb to do his fancy parkour, supporting him without issue before swinging his lance at the other drones in a wide arc. He gets clipped by some lasers, but it's not as bad as Corneria... probably. ]
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Is Caleb just punching one with his bare hand? It does some damage and the drone does the air equivalent of stumbling back, but also Caleb basically just punched metal so that will probably hurt.
Dimitri cuts down the other three drones. The fourth, apparently realizing that all of its brethren have fallen, makes distressed beeping noises before flying away.
They can continue ahead for now! They'll come across what looks to be a sci-fi terminal of some sort, its screen flickering on and off. Do any of them even know how to operate computers? If not, they are free to ignore it and move on.]
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Anyway, they can continue to the terminal. Caleb. . . knows what a computer is? He has played video games? So he will approach it, tentatively, and see if he can turn it on.]
. . . Um. May want to stand back in case of a trap.
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And excuse you, Jan, but they have all used computers to write friendfiction? They're experts. But Dimitri just nods and stays a few steps back while Caleb messes with the console, watching warily for more lasers and motion sensor bombs. ]
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I decided that I'm not completely joking, actually. The floor panel beeps, before an invisible blast knocks Caleb back. Caleb rolled a 6 so he probably bangs his head against an abandoned piece of machinery as he's sent flying. This activates another blast, which this time sends him flying into Dimitri's arms. "Was that necessary" yea i wanted it.]
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Anyway, he bonks his sweet head pretty hard, and he's just a wizard, so he's probably pretty hurt. Ow.]
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But no, that was bad; he's left wide-eyed in the blast, but manages to catch Caleb without the two of them going flying, steadying him as he scowls at the console. If the floor panel set off the explosion, does the screen actually show anything now? Were they better off not knowing what a computer is after all? ]
—Are you all right?
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Robo Cat A and Robo Cat B (do they have names? who knows) go up to Caleb. D: Is the man okay.
The screen will turn on, for your troubles.]
Wh-n Elem--tal P-i-ma coul- no -onger -- used, One- Pri-ma -as develo--d as a n-w energy so--ce, but it- usage is lead--g to --me-ua-es and de-tab-li-i-- the --me la---. If this co-tinu-s, all of --me a-d s-a-- wi-l be in p--i-.
Pro-essor was w--king on a s-lution to stabi--ze i-. Howeve-, wh-n -e sent reports -- pos--ble s-cces-, he v-nishe- be-or- he --uld exp-ain the -etho-.
[Then the screen fizzes out and turns off.]
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. . . Fine, fine. Did we get anything?
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