dormheads: (Default)
🐻 ([personal profile] dormheads) wrote2021-08-01 09:26 am

TL;CR


1. Comment with your character.
2. Receive comments from others.
3. Reply to their comments with every emotion and thought you've ever had about their relationship throughout the game.
4. Give us FOOD.
illuminance: (Default)

[personal profile] illuminance 2021-08-07 12:20 am (UTC)(link)
haha
sweats

So Lux is deeply desperate for validation from others. I think older people in general, since she's kind of like. She doesn't really have friends except for *gestures again to giant statue she accidentally brought to life once* and *gestures again to a mass murderer* so people her own age are truly ????? and her social life is just. Her family! Her mom, her aunt, her brother... And they are all distant and cold.

I think that's probably what made her love Sylas - he was so incredibly villain coded, and pretty frequently lashed out at her and scared her... But! He told her that her magic was beautiful, and that she was powerful, and when she would do tiny lil baby step acts of rebellion against her family, he would tell her she was brave. And that's truly all it takes for Lux.

So. Bradley seemed forthcoming about wizard stuff, but they didn't get along great. And Lux came from a canonpoint in between leaving Demacia because mage oppression bad and going back to Demacia apparently because ?????? a bitch is indecisive i guess. So she really wanted to learn more about magic and other magic users while she was here! Not just because of Plot Reasons but also she just genuinely, underneath all the insecurity and worry, thinks magic is Neat!

And Caleb seemed nice, and he was supportive, and she felt like he was someone she could talk to. At first. So she was pretty much instantly super in love with him, but even before she made her mafia No Romance vow, she was still just compartmentalizing that and locking it up because she was sure it wasn't going to be a thing. She only ever mentioned it once, to Taichi, and he was like "well but how do you know it's hopeless, you won't know unless you say something" and she was just like "haha. no it's hopeless. but it's fine."

And it was fine!! Lux knows how to just have a crush, it's whatever.

Especially since, once she was pulled into mafia, she just pushed all hopes of romance ever at all with anyone completely off the table. Her hands were too full of murder, there was not ever going to be room for anything else. So talking to Ichiro about Caleb and talking to Caleb about Ichiro truly had her just staring into the sun like. ok. this was my fault for trying to joke about this.

She got pulled into Mafia the weekend Rupert died, so she learned all of the Lore about mafia killings and why they had to happen and how they did things. So she went through the next week like reassessing - okay, the kills aren't compelled like I thought, but now I know what's going on and I can work with this.

And then immediately Molly died, and she was so fucking mad about it because it was obviously fucking up the critroles so bad so she was like 2nd hand full of rage. And she was like we just!!! learned there aren't compelled killers!!! the kill we did was the only one that needed to happen!!!!!!! She was truly just seething about it. Also she hated Caiman to begin with so this didn't help and afterwards she was just like ??? well something happened there that i don't understand but i really don't care because fuck that guy.

When Caleb left Fall Dorm she was truly devastated because that's her validation man.... That's like - the only person she feels comfortable talking to who is older than her and every time she ends up spilling her feelings to Yamato or anyone else she's internally screaming like WHY AM I TELLING THIS TO A CHILD WHO SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SUPPORT ME AAAAAAAA. but also she didn't really like how much she was making Caleb support her either and didn't think he should have to do that ESPECIALLY after Molly died, so she. Tried really really hard to just be supportive and let him do what he needed to do, even though she was sad about it. Because she knew better than to expect higher priority than his friend esp after they'd just lost one of theirs.

She truly expected him to just never speak to her again and was trying to just be chill with that, so she was both relieved and confused when he still did.

Uhhh then she depression spiraled real hard with mafia stuff! She was the longest lasting mafia so she felt like it was her duty to protect the rest of them, and to protect Fall Dorm, and she didn't want to be killing anyone, and - I don't think she really put it together the way Caleb did that being suspected like this was super triggering for her because of the Mageseekers back home and all that. But it definitely was exactly that.

Even though I, personally, wanted to die, Lux didn't. So she was kind of leveraging the lightbulb emoji from the dead, whether it really meant her or not, and trying to stay alive. But also not hiding her crimes at all. Especially because it became apparent that lots of people were looking away - so many that Lux had no idea who was and who wasn't. And that truly fucked with her perception of ALL of her cr. Because not many people clarified to her where they stood.

She had no idea who was protecting her because they thought they had to and who was just genuinely not figuring it out. She had no idea if people hated her and protected her anyway, or if they liked her. She just lost all ability to understand what anyone thought of her, because no one ever sat her down and said "I am protecting you because I care about you," except for like. Lalli.

Caleb said he knew it was her, and then didn't go after her in trials but she didn't know him well enough to really make sense of him pretending to try and solve her murders, so she was constantly like 'wow i hope today's not the day he betrays me haha!!!!!!'

And this whole spiral got worse and she got closest to breaking down when they were talking during thought share and she was thinking like. I don't want to be protected anymore! but it wasn't quite true, because she did feel guilty and hated how things were going but she also didn't want to die, and most of all the thought of someone who had been protecting her deciding to stop would have been the most devastating thing imaginable to her. And she had just told him to do that. haha.....

Anyway all's well... that ends well.....

Lux is planning to sever from almost everyone in this game and never see them again, but Caleb invited her to visit and she took it to heart and trusts that he meant it. So hopefully she can come hang out with the critroles and get over her trauma a little.