... I've forgotten some people too - before. It felt... strange, especially once it all came back. Like there are people who are your whole world, who you'd do anything for and... you can't quite place their names or faces when you're in the middle of it. Like a part of you goes missing, but you can never exactly place a finger on what. But it's frustrating, when people try to tell you something you don't have, because in that moment it doesn't feel like it's yours...
And you can't be who they want you to be, through no fault of your own.
[ what if they're right? what if that guy - he said they were my entire world? what if i forgot them? what kind of a scumbag would i be?
the emotion rises up quick, too; ichiro swallows, and looks away from iris, down at the blanket or anywhere else, thumbing at the worn leather of his wallet. thinking about those pictures that the girl showed him. don't you know them? ]
I'm missing something big. If they're right. [ he's missing a lot of things. but nothing in the world will ever take up as big and important as a place in ichiro yamada's life than his baby brothers, who right now, he wouldn't recognize if they walked across winter's front lawn. ] 's exactly like that.
[ . . . . she'll shift a little closer then, just so that she can rest a hand on his uninjured arm - if only for a grounding purpose. just so that he doesn't feel like he's alone, holding onto this.]
... if they're right - it's not your fault. [soft, and certain.] And... it won't last forever. If there's something that's been taken from you, then - we're going to get it back. I won't let it stay gone forever.
[ . . . ]
The people who are meant to be in your life will always find a way back.
[ there's a stirring of memory, there, at the edge of his head. something he doesn't know, something he doesn't recognize - his brow furrows, just briefly, like he's trying to grasp onto it, but it dances just out of his reach.
... so, ultimately, he has to decide that answer without any memories of the kind of people who mattered.
....there must have been people who mattered, once. to be so lonely, is... ]
...I hope so. [ is his answer. I've always been so lonely.
If they're right, and I forgot... then that means I had family.
.... ] I think I do believe in it, yeah.
[ ultimately, he's an optimist. despite everything that this place has thrown at him, it's something ichiro has never let go of. he wants the best for others, and... hope is a commodity, here, but it's one he's done his best never to lose sight of. ]
ultimately this feeling is the difference between viola and iris. for viola, who's forgotten her chosen family, the people who she's had all her life, the ones who motivate her to keep her fief as prosperous as it is, and who she will protect with everything she has - there is only this empty feeling. and iris sees it now, in ichiro.
. . . . ]
I know so. [in response to his hope - ] It will come back to you. I promise.
... someone told me once, that it's worth it, to try to make a family too - if you think you might not have one. [an echo of a voice - "Family - real family, blood or not - is something everyone deserves."] ... I didn't believe him at the time but... I was wrong.
Even if it feels a little lost now... I think you will find your family again soon - and they will find you.
[I've found you. And I won't let you be alone.]
... I think you're the type of person who draws people in, one way or another.
[ has he ever even known real family? there was an orphanage. itās fuzzy. he remembers the war, the party of words takeover, but everything is so fuzzy in between, like all of the faces have even replaced with static. even thinking about his ikebukuro - he canāt remember a single person who lives there.
(thatās the trouble with a curse like this. who hasnāt made an impact on Ichiro? Does he know a single person neutrally? he feels so big that itās an impossibility, and now whatās left behind is just - empty.
to make a family seems nice. he turns to look at her again, just a little soulful, a little lost puppy. ]
.... haha. [ drawing people in? Me? ] Maybe. āS good advice.
[ is he that kind of person?
does he even know?
Ichiroās quiet for a second longer, taking that in. ] .... Iāll try. Iām gonna figure out whatās wrong, somehow. [ and hope maybe all those people told the truth. Right now, that little hope is all he has . ]
[ . . . . it must be difficult. she pauses for a moment at that, before she gives him a small smile and reaches out to just brush his bangs out of his eyes when he gives her that sad puppy look - though she pulls back soon after.]
... I'll never lie to you. I promise. So that's why... I'm sure you're going to get through this. You're going to figure it out, and then you'll get back everything that might've been taken from you.
Just... don't forget you're not alone on your way there. If there's something weighing you down, you can share the weight with me.
I still care about you very much, after all, and I'll be sad to be - [forgotten] - ignored.
[ he shifts a little, turning to look at her. Ichiroās expression is soft, evenā still a little sad, because thereās something impossibly miserable about an Ichiro who has lost everything like this - but, it lightens, and he ducks his head. ]
....ām pretty bad at ignoring stuff. [ usually in a bad way. there are many situations a young Ichiro probably couldāve stayed out of if he just stayed in his lane. like this, heās more like he was back then - missing his heart, but still alive. angry and quiet and a little lost. itās temporary, though - and ultimately, his kind heart always shines through. ]
...thanks, Iris. [ very genuine. very warm. the unfamiliar warmth of having someone who cares seeps into his blood. ] Iām gonna try.
[ she is being so nice to him? What did he do to deserve this. he doesnāt know. Ichiro smiles at her though, soft. a little shyer than usual, but itās there. ] Heh. Youāve got a lot of confidence in me. [ Iāll do what I can to not let you down.
she can't help it, he is. so she just smiles a bit at that, and scoots back a little now that they're not talking about something quite so intense. she said she'd wait for his answer - so she'll be as good as she can.]
... I'm feeling a little nostalgic - not quite homesick, but something like it.
Can I tell you about some people I have on my mind?
[ oh. thatās easy enough. the cute definitely makes him fluster a little, and he mutters an āah, jeezā out loud, though itās just embarrassed. ]
Yeah, course. Iām all ears. [ and heāll settle in to listen! ] Hit me.
[ . . . . she hesitates, for about half a second, worrying her lip - before she hopes that maybe... just maybe, this could be a gentle workaround.]
... I have a friend who's very important to me. And I was just talking to someone else... about how I want to visit his home, if I could get the chance. It's silly - because it's not really my home... but it's a place like it. And the way that he talks about it makes me want to see it. Like if I could just step foot in it, it'd be like finding another place to belong.
Especially because he talks about his own family a lot - and I love my family, I do, but my relationship with my brother isn't always good. Though we do try. So I've just... been thinking about him, and his brothers for a bit.
[tentative, cautious. no major details, and nothing that could theoretically strike any painful spots but... for now, she doesn't keep going, watching ichiro curiously and a little sheepishly.
if he doesn't remember his family, could she try to give them back to him? could she prove that no matter what, he'll feel a fondness for his own life - his own story?]
[ brothers, again. that topic just keeps coming up, doesn't it? it feels like he's skirting around something dangerous, trying to avoid giving himself a migraine. the more he thinks about it, the more it hurts his head.
but god, he wants it to be real. that emptiness is so frustrating - something should be there. has he ever been anything but lonely?
must be nice, he thinks. ] ...you should probably go visit, if we can. Seems like a good idea to me.
she reaches out again briefly, just to poke in the center of his forehead. It will come back to you. It will be okay. certain and assured, soft and gentle, as if to try to keep his brow from furrowing any worse. before she pulls her hand back.]
... I want to. It depends on if he'd still have me, even if just as a visitor. I think I want to talk to him about it, when I get to speak with him next. [when he has all his memories together] We had a little bit of a... rough patch, last we spoke.
[ . . . ]
But I've been - trying. Really hard. Since then... [Even though it's scary. Even if sometimes I still want to cry, or not talk.] I wanted to tell him... thanks, for pushing me a little further. I reacted badly at the time, because I think I'm a little bullheaded and impossible.
... but he saved me. I think he ought to know. Do you think he'll be willing to listen?
[I'll have to say this again. That's okay. I'll say it every time.]
[ oh, the forehead poke makes him reflexively squint both of his eyes shut. they flutter back open after a second, full of their usual warmth. i'll grab it and find it and take it for myself, if i have to. if it's real.
as she keeps talking, some of that warmth shifts over into worry. he really is a good listener - it's one of his better traits, and he mulls over what iris says, thoughts sort of absently repeating some of the details about this strange person, before he puts his finger and thumb on his chin, thinking. ]
...Well... if it was me, I'd say it probably matters a lot, that you're trying. That's always important. [ no matter what, you have to try. even when shit is horrible, you have to try. that's been something he's kept close to his chest his entire life. ] I think I can be pretty bullheaded about shit, too. It's not something that goes away easy, and it definitely gets me in trouble.
[ that and his temper - but those two things definitely go hand in hand. ]
But, yeah. He'd probably be an ass, if he didn't. [ his nose wrinkles, a little. She's pretty nice. He better listen or I'll throw hands. ] How'd he save you? By pushing you?
how he makes her heart ache and fond at the same time is beyond her. she sits with him on this blanket outside their home, in the last remains of daylight with the setting sun, and when she looks at him it is with a gentle amusement and an overwhelming adoration. he doesn't even know and yet -
You are so easy to adore.
and hasn't that been the source of all their problems? where all their problems, and all their hope sand dreams align. like two puzzle pieces that picked an awful time to be put together.]
... by being himself, mostly.
[Never needed to be more, or different.]
And by staying.
I'm a pretty determined person, you know. I can survive anything, I think - as long as he doesn't leave.
[ with those thoughts, with the words that come out of her mouth? it really is pretty shoujo. his smile's pretty genuine - he doesn't really know anything about love, or anything like that, but it's always a nice thing to see. other people's stories have always been a comfort to him.
he's sure gonna have a lot to deal with when his memories come back! that's fine. ] It's... it's good to rely on other people, even if you're strong, you know? It's gotta be. Nice to find strength in others to make yours better.
[ . . . she pauses at that, though she recovers fast.]
... I'm very fond of him, but it's become more complicated than I'd like. I don't know if I want to talk about it though.
[There is an art to pushing one's luck.
even if she doesn't mind chatting with him like this, passing on messages that she wants him to have sooner rather than later, she doesn't think that they should get into the nitty gritty of everything. it would be too cruel, when he doesn't realize what they're talking about him.]
... I've always found that to be scary, though. I'm not used to having people to rely on - not like that. I think it's one of those things I'm actually not very good at... and it was hard to think I could get better.
But... I'm trying not to be so frightened that I stay still, anymore.
[ he just thinks oof and winces a little sympathetically. sorry, iris... sounds complicated, yeah.
but, ichiro is oblivious to the fact this is about him, so he is clearly more than happy to move on as iris is comfortable? (he would be more than happy to move on normally, probably, too, but that is besides the point.) ]
That's good. Gotta try and struggle forward, right? Trying is always better. [ a beat. ] It probably doesn't mean much coming from me since we just met, but I'm proud of you for doing something like that.
[the thought and wince manage to get her to laugh actually.... yeah. yeah! sometimes that is exactly why you try to stop things from getting complicated but -
sometimes it happens anyway, despite all attempts.]
[there is just a brief, slightly tired we can't keep doing this before she smiles. they cannot keep falling into this cycle with each other - even if it's almost funny how easy it is for them to.]
I hope you'll continue to say that.
[a beat]
I'm feeling a little hungry. Do you want to make snacks with me? I've been trying out some Italian recipes lately.
[ that thought just gets projected back is a ??? because he has absolutely no idea what that means. doing what, hanging out? they just met? (it does stir something in the back of his head - something not quite anxious, but like something pacing.) heās not sure why he wouldnāt continue to say so.
...he ignores it for now, though, and offers her a smile. ] Oh, sure! I can cook an Italian dish or two. [ it immediately conjures the image of a plate of pescatore he made - though, he couldnāt tell you why. later, maybe, heāll remember itās saburoās favorite. ] Long as you can handle the mincing. [ as he wiggles his still pretty fucked up fingers. no motion for you. ]
[she automatically reaching out for his fingers with her own - though it's mostly just so she can get a good look at them and how they're healing. there's a huff.]
You're impossible... Of course I'll handle the mincing - you need to be careful.
[but she'll pull her hand away quickly after, nodding as she moves to her feet]
I was trying my hand at semifreddo and cannoli... ["they both really like Italian flavors" echoes in her head briefly - ] So let's make dinner and dessert?
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... I've forgotten some people too - before. It felt... strange, especially once it all came back. Like there are people who are your whole world, who you'd do anything for and... you can't quite place their names or faces when you're in the middle of it. Like a part of you goes missing, but you can never exactly place a finger on what. But it's frustrating, when people try to tell you something you don't have, because in that moment it doesn't feel like it's yours...
And you can't be who they want you to be, through no fault of your own.
[When all you want to be is enough.]
Is it... like that?
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...yeah.
[ what if they're right? what if that guy - he said they were my entire world? what if i forgot them? what kind of a scumbag would i be?
the emotion rises up quick, too; ichiro swallows, and looks away from iris, down at the blanket or anywhere else, thumbing at the worn leather of his wallet. thinking about those pictures that the girl showed him. don't you know them? ]
I'm missing something big. If they're right. [ he's missing a lot of things. but nothing in the world will ever take up as big and important as a place in ichiro yamada's life than his baby brothers, who right now, he wouldn't recognize if they walked across winter's front lawn. ] 's exactly like that.
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... if they're right - it's not your fault. [soft, and certain.] And... it won't last forever. If there's something that's been taken from you, then - we're going to get it back. I won't let it stay gone forever.
[ . . . ]
The people who are meant to be in your life will always find a way back.
Do you believe in that sort of thing?
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... so, ultimately, he has to decide that answer without any memories of the kind of people who mattered.
....there must have been people who mattered, once. to be so lonely, is... ]
...I hope so. [ is his answer. I've always been so lonely.
If they're right, and I forgot... then that means I had family.
.... ] I think I do believe in it, yeah.
[ ultimately, he's an optimist. despite everything that this place has thrown at him, it's something ichiro has never let go of. he wants the best for others, and... hope is a commodity, here, but it's one he's done his best never to lose sight of. ]
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ultimately this feeling is the difference between viola and iris. for viola, who's forgotten her chosen family, the people who she's had all her life, the ones who motivate her to keep her fief as prosperous as it is, and who she will protect with everything she has - there is only this empty feeling. and iris sees it now, in ichiro.
. . . . ]
I know so. [in response to his hope - ] It will come back to you. I promise.
... someone told me once, that it's worth it, to try to make a family too - if you think you might not have one. [an echo of a voice - "Family - real family, blood or not - is something everyone deserves."] ... I didn't believe him at the time but... I was wrong.
Even if it feels a little lost now... I think you will find your family again soon - and they will find you.
[I've found you. And I won't let you be alone.]
... I think you're the type of person who draws people in, one way or another.
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(thatās the trouble with a curse like this. who hasnāt made an impact on Ichiro? Does he know a single person neutrally? he feels so big that itās an impossibility, and now whatās left behind is just - empty.
to make a family seems nice. he turns to look at her again, just a little soulful, a little lost puppy. ]
.... haha. [ drawing people in? Me? ] Maybe. āS good advice.
[ is he that kind of person?
does he even know?
Ichiroās quiet for a second longer, taking that in. ] .... Iāll try. Iām gonna figure out whatās wrong, somehow. [ and hope maybe all those people told the truth. Right now, that little hope is all he has . ]
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... I'll never lie to you. I promise. So that's why... I'm sure you're going to get through this. You're going to figure it out, and then you'll get back everything that might've been taken from you.
Just... don't forget you're not alone on your way there. If there's something weighing you down, you can share the weight with me.
I still care about you very much, after all, and I'll be sad to be - [forgotten] - ignored.
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....ām pretty bad at ignoring stuff. [ usually in a bad way. there are many situations a young Ichiro probably couldāve stayed out of if he just stayed in his lane. like this, heās more like he was back then - missing his heart, but still alive. angry and quiet and a little lost. itās temporary, though - and ultimately, his kind heart always shines through. ]
...thanks, Iris. [ very genuine. very warm. the unfamiliar warmth of having someone who cares seeps into his blood. ] Iām gonna try.
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You're welcome - I just... I heard recently that trying is enough - and... because you are you, I think that trying also means that you will succeed.
[You're already enough.]
. . . I suppose I have a request that I'm meant to share with you now, in exchange?
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and - oh! the request. that surprises him. ]
...oh. Sure, yeah. Whatās up?
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Cute.
she can't help it, he is. so she just smiles a bit at that, and scoots back a little now that they're not talking about something quite so intense. she said she'd wait for his answer - so she'll be as good as she can.]
... I'm feeling a little nostalgic - not quite homesick, but something like it.
Can I tell you about some people I have on my mind?
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Yeah, course. Iām all ears. [ and heāll settle in to listen! ] Hit me.
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... I have a friend who's very important to me. And I was just talking to someone else... about how I want to visit his home, if I could get the chance. It's silly - because it's not really my home... but it's a place like it. And the way that he talks about it makes me want to see it. Like if I could just step foot in it, it'd be like finding another place to belong.
Especially because he talks about his own family a lot - and I love my family, I do, but my relationship with my brother isn't always good. Though we do try. So I've just... been thinking about him, and his brothers for a bit.
[tentative, cautious. no major details, and nothing that could theoretically strike any painful spots but... for now, she doesn't keep going, watching ichiro curiously and a little sheepishly.
if he doesn't remember his family, could she try to give them back to him? could she prove that no matter what, he'll feel a fondness for his own life - his own story?]
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but god, he wants it to be real. that emptiness is so frustrating - something should be there. has he ever been anything but lonely?
must be nice, he thinks. ] ...you should probably go visit, if we can. Seems like a good idea to me.
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she reaches out again briefly, just to poke in the center of his forehead. It will come back to you. It will be okay. certain and assured, soft and gentle, as if to try to keep his brow from furrowing any worse. before she pulls her hand back.]
... I want to. It depends on if he'd still have me, even if just as a visitor. I think I want to talk to him about it, when I get to speak with him next. [when he has all his memories together] We had a little bit of a... rough patch, last we spoke.
[ . . . ]
But I've been - trying. Really hard. Since then... [Even though it's scary. Even if sometimes I still want to cry, or not talk.] I wanted to tell him... thanks, for pushing me a little further. I reacted badly at the time, because I think I'm a little bullheaded and impossible.
... but he saved me. I think he ought to know. Do you think he'll be willing to listen?
[I'll have to say this again. That's okay. I'll say it every time.]
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as she keeps talking, some of that warmth shifts over into worry. he really is a good listener - it's one of his better traits, and he mulls over what iris says, thoughts sort of absently repeating some of the details about this strange person, before he puts his finger and thumb on his chin, thinking. ]
...Well... if it was me, I'd say it probably matters a lot, that you're trying. That's always important. [ no matter what, you have to try. even when shit is horrible, you have to try. that's been something he's kept close to his chest his entire life. ] I think I can be pretty bullheaded about shit, too. It's not something that goes away easy, and it definitely gets me in trouble.
[ that and his temper - but those two things definitely go hand in hand. ]
But, yeah. He'd probably be an ass, if he didn't. [ his nose wrinkles, a little. She's pretty nice. He better listen or I'll throw hands. ] How'd he save you? By pushing you?
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how he makes her heart ache and fond at the same time is beyond her. she sits with him on this blanket outside their home, in the last remains of daylight with the setting sun, and when she looks at him it is with a gentle amusement and an overwhelming adoration. he doesn't even know and yet -
You are so easy to adore.
and hasn't that been the source of all their problems? where all their problems, and all their hope sand dreams align. like two puzzle pieces that picked an awful time to be put together.]
... by being himself, mostly.
[Never needed to be more, or different.]
And by staying.
I'm a pretty determined person, you know. I can survive anything, I think - as long as he doesn't leave.
I'm starting to believe maybe he won't.
no subject
Sounds like you really like the guy.
[ with those thoughts, with the words that come out of her mouth? it really is pretty shoujo. his smile's pretty genuine - he doesn't really know anything about love, or anything like that, but it's always a nice thing to see. other people's stories have always been a comfort to him.
he's sure gonna have a lot to deal with when his memories come back! that's fine. ] It's... it's good to rely on other people, even if you're strong, you know? It's gotta be. Nice to find strength in others to make yours better.
[ he wouldn't know, but... he can only imagine. ]
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... I'm very fond of him, but it's become more complicated than I'd like. I don't know if I want to talk about it though.
[There is an art to pushing one's luck.
even if she doesn't mind chatting with him like this, passing on messages that she wants him to have sooner rather than later, she doesn't think that they should get into the nitty gritty of everything. it would be too cruel, when he doesn't realize what they're talking about him.]
... I've always found that to be scary, though. I'm not used to having people to rely on - not like that. I think it's one of those things I'm actually not very good at... and it was hard to think I could get better.
But... I'm trying not to be so frightened that I stay still, anymore.
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but, ichiro is oblivious to the fact this is about him, so he is clearly more than happy to move on as iris is comfortable? (he would be more than happy to move on normally, probably, too, but that is besides the point.) ]
That's good. Gotta try and struggle forward, right? Trying is always better. [ a beat. ] It probably doesn't mean much coming from me since we just met, but I'm proud of you for doing something like that.
[ cause... he gets that. what it means to try. ]
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sometimes it happens anyway, despite all attempts.]
... it means more than you think.
Hearing it from you makes me very happy.
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...'m glad, then. [ flustered. ] I'm rooting for you, okay?
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I hope you'll continue to say that.
[a beat]
I'm feeling a little hungry. Do you want to make snacks with me? I've been trying out some Italian recipes lately.
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...he ignores it for now, though, and offers her a smile. ] Oh, sure! I can cook an Italian dish or two. [ it immediately conjures the image of a plate of pescatore he made - though, he couldnāt tell you why. later, maybe, heāll remember itās saburoās favorite. ] Long as you can handle the mincing. [ as he wiggles his still pretty fucked up fingers. no motion for you. ]
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You're impossible... Of course I'll handle the mincing - you need to be careful.
[but she'll pull her hand away quickly after, nodding as she moves to her feet]
I was trying my hand at semifreddo and cannoli... ["they both really like Italian flavors" echoes in her head briefly - ] So let's make dinner and dessert?
(no subject)