well! the vibes are bad. he's just sitting, sort of curled in on himself, staring off into space, giving off the sort of stay-away-from-me vibes you might expect from a delinquent. he does notice when iris comes by, at least.
and after a long moment of quiet. ] Viola or Iris.
[ eventually - the frustration leaks into his voice, though it's not at her. ]
I don't fucking know, Iris. I had to lie to everyone I knew, and then I found out that the people who I was supposed to be working with lied to me, too. [ I thought - I really thought - I really... ] Of course I'm angry.
[Gods, I don't dedicate much energy to hating people but I hate her. is the quickest thought in the world - ]
Even if I was confused, and Dimitri couldn't admit anything to me either. I know they might not have wanted to compromise Denji's well-being but—couldn't they have managed some way to be smart about conveying their intentions? So careless.
Do whatever it takes to get the fuck out of here. [ and go home. god, he misses home. god, he misses ikebukuro, he misses his brothers, he misses it so much.
at least it's just a quiet anger, now - he's just sort of defeated, though when he talks, that usual, determined spark is there, even if just a flicker.] I'm gonna do what I can.
[and she tries - goodness, she tries, to give him a smile. I don't want you to feel like you have to sweep your anger under the rug but - ]
We'll finish this, and get everyone's wishes, and you'll all get to go home. We'll leave no trace of this wretched place behind before we go, just for the satisfaction of it.
[ but that also kind of sucks, just a little - because there are a few people here he's sure will no longer want to be in contact with any of them. iris said she wouldn't forget, and even that she'd visit ikebukuro, but it's just..
... you can't really have your cake and eat it, too. he's quiet for a little while longer, the anger sort of just melting off of his shoulders. he's just exhausted. betrayed, exhausted, and out of emotions to feel. ]
...break down all the walls. [ he says. it's quiet, lacking its usual enthusiasm. ] Yeah.
[ . . . . I wish I knew what to give you. the thought betrays her before she can say anything else but - she just shakes her head then and her smiles loses some of its insistence.
[ ...unless you've got a magic way for me to call my brothers, i don't think there's anything you can do. which is such a childish, stupid thought, but he has it anyway. ichiro misses home so bad it hurts. winter has been nice, it's been good, but it's not jiro and saburo. nothing is going to be able to close the wounds of this place except for spending time with them. it is the only salve he's ever really known.
he shifts, a little, lifting his shoulder to rub at his face with it.]
[ . . . she pauses at that, worrying her lip for a moment, as if trying to think.]
... we could go completely kleptomaniac about it? [iris,] I mean - if you want to go to the Game Room, and pick out everything you want to bring with you. Whatever you'd like to spoil your brothers with? The consoles, the games, the equipment...
[ . . . she just looks sheepish after suggesting it.]
... I don't know.
I'm tired too - but I'm still lucky, to be surrounded by people I love.
[ he doesn't address the first part, because there's something about what she says that just twists around his heart like a gnarled vine.
... ]
...you know, the first time I went off on one of those field trips, when it fucked up my memories, we saw somebody, on every floor of that little tower. One for each of us, right? They were there, asleep, and then by the time we got to them, they were gone. Beau saw Caleb-san. Kainé saw Nier. Taichi saw his little sister, but - he said he forgot Yamato, too.
[ he looks down, again, back at the water rushing in the moat. ] Mine was Jiro. And when we made it back, I...
.... I was the only person who didn't have someone to come home to.
[ who didn't have a reminder. who only had the strength of his own memory to rely on, to remember jiro's laugh, saburo's smile - and this place took it from him. not once, but twice. it ripped it out of his hands like it meant nothing.
the words manage to knock a little bit out of iris' lungs and - she supposes that's true, isn't it. among that group, to feel as though there are no reminds of home left waiting for you. her expression breaks a little bit for him and - it's not as though she doesn't understand. a series of faces flash in her mind's eye - his homesickness is familiar to her.
There are some parts of family that can never be replaced, even when it grows.
. . . she'll shift then, just so she can sit a little closer to him, placing a hand at his back.]
I'm sorry.
[there's not much that can make this better - she won't pretend there is.
in the end she really can only sit with him through his loneliness, and hope that it will all come to an end soon.]
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well! the vibes are bad. he's just sitting, sort of curled in on himself, staring off into space, giving off the sort of stay-away-from-me vibes you might expect from a delinquent. he does notice when iris comes by, at least.
and after a long moment of quiet. ] Viola or Iris.
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[I'm not sure. I hope so. But we'll have to prepare just in case.]
... yen for your thoughts? I brought something to eat.
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[ he doesn't push her away, though, still just kind of staring out into the distance. If I eat right now, I'm going to be sick. ]
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... later, then.
[ . . . ]
Angry? Or dizzy?
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I don't fucking know, Iris. I had to lie to everyone I knew, and then I found out that the people who I was supposed to be working with lied to me, too. [ I thought - I really thought - I really... ] Of course I'm angry.
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[Gods, I don't dedicate much energy to hating people but I hate her. is the quickest thought in the world - ]
Even if I was confused, and Dimitri couldn't admit anything to me either. I know they might not have wanted to compromise Denji's well-being but—couldn't they have managed some way to be smart about conveying their intentions? So careless.
[ . . . ]
You didn't deserve that.
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... I get it. It's not their fault.
[ it's fine. he just - his thoughts just are quiet, for a moment, and then
I hate lying. ]
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You don't have to like it. There's nothing about this that you're obligated to like, or accept. It's insulting, and it's not fair.
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...it's not worth the energy. [ to be mad. but god, he's so angry - it's so hard not to be. ] It's over, now.
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I suppose it isn't. [I'd still smack them if I could.]
But what will you do next?
[if he seems to be stuck in his anger]
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Do whatever it takes to get the fuck out of here. [ and go home. god, he misses home. god, he misses ikebukuro, he misses his brothers, he misses it so much.
at least it's just a quiet anger, now - he's just sort of defeated, though when he talks, that usual, determined spark is there, even if just a flicker.] I'm gonna do what I can.
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We're almost there.
[and she tries - goodness, she tries, to give him a smile. I don't want you to feel like you have to sweep your anger under the rug but - ]
We'll finish this, and get everyone's wishes, and you'll all get to go home. We'll leave no trace of this wretched place behind before we go, just for the satisfaction of it.
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... you can't really have your cake and eat it, too. he's quiet for a little while longer, the anger sort of just melting off of his shoulders. he's just exhausted. betrayed, exhausted, and out of emotions to feel. ]
...break down all the walls. [ he says. it's quiet, lacking its usual enthusiasm. ] Yeah.
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still, she will try.]
You've had a long week. To say the least.
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he shifts, a little, lifting his shoulder to rub at his face with it.]
I... really fucking have. [ god. ] I'm over it.
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... we could go completely kleptomaniac about it? [iris,] I mean - if you want to go to the Game Room, and pick out everything you want to bring with you. Whatever you'd like to spoil your brothers with? The consoles, the games, the equipment...
[ . . . she just looks sheepish after suggesting it.]
... I don't know.
I'm tired too - but I'm still lucky, to be surrounded by people I love.
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... ]
...you know, the first time I went off on one of those field trips, when it fucked up my memories, we saw somebody, on every floor of that little tower. One for each of us, right? They were there, asleep, and then by the time we got to them, they were gone. Beau saw Caleb-san. Kainé saw Nier. Taichi saw his little sister, but - he said he forgot Yamato, too.
[ he looks down, again, back at the water rushing in the moat. ] Mine was Jiro. And when we made it back, I...
.... I was the only person who didn't have someone to come home to.
[ who didn't have a reminder. who only had the strength of his own memory to rely on, to remember jiro's laugh, saburo's smile - and this place took it from him. not once, but twice. it ripped it out of his hands like it meant nothing.
that's the kind of shit you don't get over.
I just want to see them again.]
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the words manage to knock a little bit out of iris' lungs and - she supposes that's true, isn't it. among that group, to feel as though there are no reminds of home left waiting for you. her expression breaks a little bit for him and - it's not as though she doesn't understand. a series of faces flash in her mind's eye - his homesickness is familiar to her.
There are some parts of family that can never be replaced, even when it grows.
. . . she'll shift then, just so she can sit a little closer to him, placing a hand at his back.]
I'm sorry.
[there's not much that can make this better - she won't pretend there is.
in the end she really can only sit with him through his loneliness, and hope that it will all come to an end soon.]