Please don't gesture so freely if you're hurt and your wounds are unwrapped.
[gentle scolding!
like her hands are hurt too but at least her bandages are on! the ones on her right hand are a little loose but they're there. she's going to go ahead and get the medical kit then, carefully taking no more than she absolutely needs. so one alcohol wipe and just a little bit of bandages with some medical tape.
she's going to sit on one of the couches and gesture for ichiro to sit with her]
[ oh now he REALLY sounds like a puppy but ichiro obeys like a good boy, coming over to sit down and offering her his hands.
his left hand is fine! the right - he does in fact have bandaids on his knuckles, though several of them are coming off. taking them off will reveal scratches and scrapes on his knuckles, as well as blooming, blackish purple bruises. it's not freely bleeding anymore, at least! ichiro glances away from her when the bandages are off, though, shoulders hunched up at his ears. busted. ]
It's not about if it hurts, it's about whether or not you're risking an infection as you run about to take care of everyone else before you take care of yourself.
[scolding!
but she will take the antiseptic wipe and gently run it across the scratches and scrapes to make sure that they're clean.
that said, she's only scolding because she's worried. once she sees the injuries themselves, her voice softens into more of a concerned curiosity than her nagging]
[ he doesn't flinch over the antiseptic or the gentle scolding, because, yeah. she's got a point. and asking...
ichiro's gaze flicks away again, looking down at his knuckles, his mouth pulled into a line. ]
... After the trial, yesterday. I just - I got so pissed off, at the whole situation, and what was happening with Manwol-san [ and now with lila - thinking it makes his stomach flip and churn, and his brow furrows even further, ] that I had to get it out somehow, and I just - I went out and I punched the wall on the outside of the gym a couple times.
[ so, a wound self inflicted.
there's a pause. he looks away again, voice a little rougher. ] ...told you, I got a bad temper, Vi-chan.
[ that delinquent thug image that he had to lean into all of his life - it never went away. it's still there, under a happier surface, that same furious, angry teenager who hated the chuuoku and the world and every injustice in it. it's harder to control than he wants. it feels like it always will be. ]
[she'll continue to gently clean his injury, listening to him as he speaks.]
Why, it's the entire reason why I was just outside smashing things. A way to get some frustration out, because any reasonable person would be upset about the things that have happened. [she'll move to carefully wrap a bandage around his knuckles]
You still talk as though you're ashamed of it... May I ask why?
it takes him a moment to answer, as he puts the right words together. it's funny how this works out; the way his hands are settled while she's bandaging, she can probably see the faint glow on his wrist. losing his family. ]
...I don't want my brothers to be like me, Vi. I was - I was a shitty, angry person when I was younger. I did a lot of shitty things. [ he'd mentioned something similar along those lines once before; that he understood how dimitri felt, when they first met. ichiro's delinquent days aren't far behind him. ] I've done a lot of shit I'm not proud of because I got pissed, and I'm trying to make up for it now, but it doesn't stop that easy. I lose track of my head, and I say shit I don't mean, and --
[ that frown deepens. he pauses, and then shakes his head. ] ...I know they're not here, and I know this situation's shitty, and different, and I can be mad about it, but I can't - there are still people here that are relying on me. I mean, fuck - Mabel's only twelve. I don't want people who are already looking up to me to see me lose it like that, either, and I don't want to - I don't wanna be that person again. I've gotta be better than that.
[ what if he loses his temper at the wrong time? what if he snaps? what if it gets someone killed? what if the last thing he says to someone here - because loss is so, so prevalent, and it feels more stark than ever now - is a swear or a shout?
what if he influences someone else, in the negatives, makes them feel as furious and shitty and angry as he does?
So you'll throw your fist at a wall and have it so that the only person you injure is yourself? Is that meant to be a good example too? So that people learn that it is alright if the only victim of their temper is themselves - that it's okay, if their body is the only one to suffer?
[she shakes her head quietly even as her fingers continue to work in their diligent bandaging]
I don't think I'd like children to learn that either - to not value themselves and their well-being. I don't like to hear how little you seem to value yourself.
I am not saying that you ought to let your anger burn wildly - I think you can hone it, concentrate it, make sure only the people and things that deserve to be set aflame are.
But you needn't be ashamed of how much you care, nor how much you feel. I'd said anger is simply another manifestation of conviction, didn't I?
[ for a moment he just looks at her while she's talking, now, eyes a little wide, searching viola's face. not really sure what he's looking for, either - just processing every word, because it's not something anyone's really pointed out to him before. the big brother has to be there to protect. the big brother has to do everything and anything to keep the little brothers safe. the big brother has to do every dirty job to save money. has to face the baddest bullies, the toughest foes, the most dangerous problems. for them, every moment of suffering had been worth it - so it makes logical sense, that if he's gonna lose his temper, he might as well do it in the solitude of the quiet corner around the gym wall instead of near someone else. his first, gut instinct answer is better a wall than someone else's face, because it's never about causing himself pain, it's about causing it to someone else, instead.
it's a different mindset. he's quiet for a long while afterwards, his shoulders finally starting to come down from where he was hunched up, and eventually, the corner of his mouth lifts back up, in a small, humorless smile, his voice just a little wry. ]
.. if I figure out how to do that, [ how to hone it, concentrate it outside of his music - that's the easiest place, but even then that slips away, sometimes, ] then I'll let you know.
[ but, he shakes his head to clear it, and responds, more seriously. ] ... I get what you mean. It's... I just don't want to hurt anyone if I don't have to.
[ ichiro huffs. ] ....Guess that should include me, huh.
Yes, that should include you. [gently, but she'll move to secure the bandages around his knuckles in place. there's the sound of the smile in her voice before it spreads across her lips, fond and amused] Because it turns out that I don't take kindly to when anyone hurts you, even yourself. So what shall I do for your punishment, I wonder...
[she sounds too pleased to be able to deal one out? she just decided this? viola. but at least it's just lightly teasing
her hand lifts and moves to rest on his shoulder, as if she'll press out the harsh bunched up wrinkles and tension herself.]
.... sometimes, when I am so furious I cannot see, I think of how satisfying it will be when I win with a smile on my face. To know that my conviction is stronger than that which tests me - even if it is only long enough until I can find another way to release my anger without hurting myself.
You can do it, Ichiro. But remember that you're human too, so it's alright you you slip sometimes - there are plenty of people who care for you enough to catch you.
That's also the beauty of being someone that people watch. No one will let you hit the ground - at least, I certainly won't.
[ for a moment, ichiro glances down at his newly bandaged knuckles, and then up in time to see viola's smile. it's sort of new to be cared for like this. ichiro's the care taker, and always has been - so to have someone looking out for his well being in such a way is almost novel. almost jarring. he does look almost a little surprised at the word punishment, eyes going almost comically round for a second before he realizes she's just teasing and closes them again, a smile tugging at the edge of his mouth, half at his own stupidity and half at the tease itself.
his muscles are tense, under her hands, but he does lower them, a little, as if viola's touch is magic enough to push them down, and he ducks his head, boyish, cheeks flushing red. that's really... ]
...thanks, Vi-chan. [ for the advice, for the bandages, maybe for the needed scolding... but for the support, too. for a lot of things. ] I'll try and keep that in mind. All of it.
[ah - that's good. her smiles grows more at that and she pulls her hand back, curling her fingers gently against her own palm. she's not a very tactile person and it was easy to feel like she was overstepping, but it seems to have helped. it's enough to get her to relax some.]
Of course. I told you that I intend to look after you - persistently, at that. It's my duty as well as my joy.
[so she'll squeeze his hand - gently, and nowhere near where he's injured - before moving to let go.]
At least if you forget, I'll always be near to remind you. How lucky my patience is vast.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[gentle scolding!
like her hands are hurt too but at least her bandages are on! the ones on her right hand are a little loose but they're there. she's going to go ahead and get the medical kit then, carefully taking no more than she absolutely needs. so one alcohol wipe and just a little bit of bandages with some medical tape.
she's going to sit on one of the couches and gesture for ichiro to sit with her]
Your hands, please.
no subject
[ oh now he REALLY sounds like a puppy but ichiro obeys like a good boy, coming over to sit down and offering her his hands.
his left hand is fine! the right - he does in fact have bandaids on his knuckles, though several of them are coming off. taking them off will reveal scratches and scrapes on his knuckles, as well as blooming, blackish purple bruises. it's not freely bleeding anymore, at least! ichiro glances away from her when the bandages are off, though, shoulders hunched up at his ears. busted. ]
no subject
It's not about if it hurts, it's about whether or not you're risking an infection as you run about to take care of everyone else before you take care of yourself.
[scolding!
but she will take the antiseptic wipe and gently run it across the scratches and scrapes to make sure that they're clean.
that said, she's only scolding because she's worried. once she sees the injuries themselves, her voice softens into more of a concerned curiosity than her nagging]
... will you tell me what happened?
no subject
ichiro's gaze flicks away again, looking down at his knuckles, his mouth pulled into a line. ]
... After the trial, yesterday. I just - I got so pissed off, at the whole situation, and what was happening with Manwol-san [ and now with lila - thinking it makes his stomach flip and churn, and his brow furrows even further, ] that I had to get it out somehow, and I just - I went out and I punched the wall on the outside of the gym a couple times.
[ so, a wound self inflicted.
there's a pause. he looks away again, voice a little rougher. ] ...told you, I got a bad temper, Vi-chan.
[ that delinquent thug image that he had to lean into all of his life - it never went away. it's still there, under a happier surface, that same furious, angry teenager who hated the chuuoku and the world and every injustice in it. it's harder to control than he wants. it feels like it always will be. ]
no subject
... that's okay. I do, too.
[she'll continue to gently clean his injury, listening to him as he speaks.]
Why, it's the entire reason why I was just outside smashing things. A way to get some frustration out, because any reasonable person would be upset about the things that have happened. [she'll move to carefully wrap a bandage around his knuckles]
You still talk as though you're ashamed of it... May I ask why?
no subject
it takes him a moment to answer, as he puts the right words together. it's funny how this works out; the way his hands are settled while she's bandaging, she can probably see the faint glow on his wrist. losing his family. ]
...I don't want my brothers to be like me, Vi. I was - I was a shitty, angry person when I was younger. I did a lot of shitty things. [ he'd mentioned something similar along those lines once before; that he understood how dimitri felt, when they first met. ichiro's delinquent days aren't far behind him. ] I've done a lot of shit I'm not proud of because I got pissed, and I'm trying to make up for it now, but it doesn't stop that easy. I lose track of my head, and I say shit I don't mean, and --
[ that frown deepens. he pauses, and then shakes his head. ] ...I know they're not here, and I know this situation's shitty, and different, and I can be mad about it, but I can't - there are still people here that are relying on me. I mean, fuck - Mabel's only twelve. I don't want people who are already looking up to me to see me lose it like that, either, and I don't want to - I don't wanna be that person again. I've gotta be better than that.
[ what if he loses his temper at the wrong time? what if he snaps? what if it gets someone killed? what if the last thing he says to someone here - because loss is so, so prevalent, and it feels more stark than ever now - is a swear or a shout?
what if he influences someone else, in the negatives, makes them feel as furious and shitty and angry as he does?
ichiro can't. he just can't let that happen. ]
no subject
So you'll throw your fist at a wall and have it so that the only person you injure is yourself? Is that meant to be a good example too? So that people learn that it is alright if the only victim of their temper is themselves - that it's okay, if their body is the only one to suffer?
[she shakes her head quietly even as her fingers continue to work in their diligent bandaging]
I don't think I'd like children to learn that either - to not value themselves and their well-being. I don't like to hear how little you seem to value yourself.
I am not saying that you ought to let your anger burn wildly - I think you can hone it, concentrate it, make sure only the people and things that deserve to be set aflame are.
But you needn't be ashamed of how much you care, nor how much you feel. I'd said anger is simply another manifestation of conviction, didn't I?
no subject
it's a different mindset. he's quiet for a long while afterwards, his shoulders finally starting to come down from where he was hunched up, and eventually, the corner of his mouth lifts back up, in a small, humorless smile, his voice just a little wry. ]
.. if I figure out how to do that, [ how to hone it, concentrate it outside of his music - that's the easiest place, but even then that slips away, sometimes, ] then I'll let you know.
[ but, he shakes his head to clear it, and responds, more seriously. ] ... I get what you mean. It's... I just don't want to hurt anyone if I don't have to.
[ ichiro huffs. ] ....Guess that should include me, huh.
no subject
[she sounds too pleased to be able to deal one out? she just decided this? viola. but at least it's just lightly teasing
her hand lifts and moves to rest on his shoulder, as if she'll press out the harsh bunched up wrinkles and tension herself.]
.... sometimes, when I am so furious I cannot see, I think of how satisfying it will be when I win with a smile on my face. To know that my conviction is stronger than that which tests me - even if it is only long enough until I can find another way to release my anger without hurting myself.
You can do it, Ichiro. But remember that you're human too, so it's alright you you slip sometimes - there are plenty of people who care for you enough to catch you.
That's also the beauty of being someone that people watch. No one will let you hit the ground - at least, I certainly won't.
no subject
his muscles are tense, under her hands, but he does lower them, a little, as if viola's touch is magic enough to push them down, and he ducks his head, boyish, cheeks flushing red. that's really... ]
...thanks, Vi-chan. [ for the advice, for the bandages, maybe for the needed scolding... but for the support, too. for a lot of things. ] I'll try and keep that in mind. All of it.
no subject
Of course. I told you that I intend to look after you - persistently, at that. It's my duty as well as my joy.
[so she'll squeeze his hand - gently, and nowhere near where he's injured - before moving to let go.]
At least if you forget, I'll always be near to remind you. How lucky my patience is vast.