... I see. So you're looking for her too. [a little more irritated] No. I don't. But whenever I do find her, I'll be sure to connect you and everyone else.
The whole... I mean, when you live your lives as a lot of people and everyone gets attached to you at some point and then you change, what... what do you do about it? Right? What do they do about it?
[ 'Who am I? I want to exist.' ]
So, you know you and Iris have the same body, technically?
Some real stupid things have been happening with people's memories. [ 'I suddenly remembered everything.'
But a beat of pause here, too. A distant and stupid thought -- 'Viola was the one who gave me gyoza -- Viola was who was at Winter Formal --' ]
I don't think it's wrong... it's just hard when the story keeps saying you're the one that's not real. [ Just like how he's been treating Caiman as nonexistent, wowie. ] If only there could be, you know, both.
[ 'Shit -- that's not what I... but... are any of us?' ]
-- Sorry, no, that's not what I meant to say. Or, I mean... that's not how I feel. You're both real to people, like me. It's fucked up, neither of you did anything wrong. [ 'Unlike me...' ]
When I say 'all', I mean, all of us. Everyone, Iris and you, me.
We all... do wrong things. I think - it's also hard to say right or wrong here, really... Everyone is - leaving or dying or killing. For whatever reasons they might have.
They have reasons... that weren't theirs. Reasons brought on by this school, its stupid, damn script, its writers or whoever the hell. [ 'Unlike me. Unlike me, why did it happen again?' ] Everyone's acting against their will, getting who they are ripped away from them, it's -- fucking shit.
It's nice, you know. When everyone's having a good time. I'm really having fun when it's great. So, thanks. I just wanted to get that out, too.
I don't understand. [soft, plaintive. then her thoughts, frustrated: Why don't I understand? I feel like it's right there. I feel like there's something in front of me, but when I reach out to touch, it's gone. Like it'll never connect. Why? How useless am I?]
... but I'm glad. That you have fun here. I... I do too. When everyone is kind, and when they reach back out to me -
I have so much fun here.
[I feel guilty for it, when you all want to leave.]
[ He listens to the frustrated mire quietly and -- he understands. This school is a funhouse mirror making fun of him and he's tired. 'I know... I know... the answer is there but I don't want to face it...' ]
I used to go to school, for real. Like, before all of this. South Zagan Magical Training School. I just went 'cause I wanted to practice and since I had nothing else to do with my time anyway. It wasn't anything special, but.
I met my best friend and partner there, and it was really nice. First friend I made for real, I think. Troublemaker, always had me worried 'cause he kept hanging out with bad people, I knew what they were up to.
We... I -- the school, shut down. 'Cause of reasons. [ 'Corruption... staff... disappearing students... I -- Risu, murdered --' ] But I'd been thinking. If I could, I'd totally go back to school. I just wish I could go back to not having to think about shit, being chased by things I don't understand, wondering where things went wrong -- I just want to go back. When things were fine.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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...Hey Viola. Do you know who I am?
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[she heard that but she's - not sure how to address it?]
... Aikawa...? Yes?
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... I see. So you're looking for her too. [a little more irritated] No. I don't. But whenever I do find her, I'll be sure to connect you and everyone else.
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...Guess everyone's just asking you about her nonstop, huh? Have they told you why? It's not like I don't get it... 'cause, you know.
Everyone keeps trying to say I'm Caiman or expecting Caiman.
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[softly, like she's a little afraid to complain]
I want to help them but -
I don't know how to help them find someone who I am not.
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The whole... I mean, when you live your lives as a lot of people and everyone gets attached to you at some point and then you change, what... what do you do about it? Right? What do they do about it?
[ 'Who am I? I want to exist.' ]
So, you know you and Iris have the same body, technically?
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We - don't. That's not possible. I've always been in this world, and... there's no way that someone else would have my body.
[a beat]
But... But I -
I don't know. The rest of what you said... Maybe I was wrong to get attached to the people here if they're expecting me to be someone else.
[I was wrong to hope I'd be enough.]
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But a beat of pause here, too. A distant and stupid thought -- 'Viola was the one who gave me gyoza -- Viola was who was at Winter Formal --' ]
I don't think it's wrong... it's just hard when the story keeps saying you're the one that's not real. [ Just like how he's been treating Caiman as nonexistent, wowie. ] If only there could be, you know, both.
Happy endings for all. Is that possible?
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[she echoes the statement and it seems a little - haunted.]
... I don't... I don't know. Who is 'all'?
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-- Sorry, no, that's not what I meant to say. Or, I mean... that's not how I feel. You're both real to people, like me. It's fucked up, neither of you did anything wrong. [ 'Unlike me...' ]
When I say 'all', I mean, all of us. Everyone, Iris and you, me.
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We all... do wrong things. I think - it's also hard to say right or wrong here, really... Everyone is - leaving or dying or killing. For whatever reasons they might have.
I don't know... Maybe?
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It's nice, you know. When everyone's having a good time. I'm really having fun when it's great. So, thanks. I just wanted to get that out, too.
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I don't understand. [soft, plaintive. then her thoughts, frustrated: Why don't I understand? I feel like it's right there. I feel like there's something in front of me, but when I reach out to touch, it's gone. Like it'll never connect. Why? How useless am I?]
... but I'm glad. That you have fun here. I... I do too. When everyone is kind, and when they reach back out to me -
I have so much fun here.
[I feel guilty for it, when you all want to leave.]
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[ He listens to the frustrated mire quietly and -- he understands. This school is a funhouse mirror making fun of him and he's tired. 'I know... I know... the answer is there but I don't want to face it...' ]
Can I tell ya something, Viola?
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I met my best friend and partner there, and it was really nice. First friend I made for real, I think. Troublemaker, always had me worried 'cause he kept hanging out with bad people, I knew what they were up to.
We... I -- the school, shut down. 'Cause of reasons. [ 'Corruption... staff... disappearing students... I -- Risu, murdered --' ] But I'd been thinking. If I could, I'd totally go back to school. I just wish I could go back to not having to think about shit, being chased by things I don't understand, wondering where things went wrong -- I just want to go back. When things were fine.