[ Date a nice boy who will teach you the fuck word Riku!!! Let him smooch!!! ]
I guess so. Well. At least you can say 'was', right?
What happened on Sunday, it wasn't -- [ Cutting off briefly, a sharp inhale. ] I'm not scared of what people think of me, you know. I never cared, not as far as I remember. But I know what and who I like, and I'm afraid they're gonna get hurt.
Yeah... Don't feel bad, [this does not help in the slightest:] almost everyone else in the dorm relates to me in this way somehow.
I guess we all maybe... are a little scared of the darkest parts of ourselves. But... I'm kind of tired of being afraid all the time. I want to learn how to master the darkness.
Which I guess means learning to admit there's darkness inside of me at all.
[ Nerd. There's a logn silence here, quiet. A uncertainty, and staticky thoughts.
'Who am I? Do I really exist? Am I more than just a body? I don't want to face it. What is it all trying to say? What is he trying to say? Do I have to face it?' ]
... I don't think it's something I can control, Riku... not unless I -- I mean.
[Hm. No wonder this dude got shoved into Fall Dorm.]
Don't give up.
[It doesn't sound like platitudes really. It's earnest, believed. Don't give up, or give in.]
Everyone is made up of three things: a body, a soul, and a heart. [Well, in Kungdam Hats lore anyway.] Sora lost his heart once. When that happens, you turn into a Heartless, but if your heart is strong enough, you also create a Nobody. That's your body without its heart.
Sora also lost his memories because he had split into so many separate pieces... and other reasons, but don't worry about that. Anyway, I had to help Sora become whole again. Sora and his Nobody had to be reunited. Because, in the end, they're pieces of the same person even if they're both their own person, too.
[ My assumption is that Fall Dorm is just Sad Nerds. ALSO GOD, KUNGDOM HATZ??? I read this tag and stopped at that word and had to walk away for an appointment and came back and I'm still not over it.
Now I am OOCly familiar with this lore but ICly, there is a mildly long pause over the phone again. Not like, just silence though, but more in the 'Brazilian Math Lady Vibes' to keep up with this. The words 'body' and 'heart' were just said so many times. ]
...Memories? Uh... but that's -- [ '...Which one am I?' ]
[Oh. Hate this. He's quiet for a long moment or two. Roxas could have, he thinks. If I hadn't used the darkness, maybe I would be dead.]
Sora will always be Sora, whether he had a Nobody or not. So... yeah. Sora would still be my best friend. I couldn't hold that against Sora. But I guess you should really be asking Sora that question, not me. Sora's Nobody had a body of his own. Roxas came from Sora, but he's his own person, too.
It isn't like me... when I let Ansem possess me. When Ansem used my own body to try to hurt my friends. I was sure Sora and Kairi hated me after that. Who wouldn't?
But... they didn't. They still tried to look for me. They still considered me their friend.
I think I'm more like you than the Sora kid, then. It's not a totally different body. It's still me. Though I don't really know where or how it all started...
I ignored it. On purpose. 'Cause, in a way, it let me live life the way I wanted. Even though I -- I knew. Even this school, I thought... I woke up in the daycare, didn't have any headaches for what, two weeks? That's some kind of record. No nightmares, too. I thought I could just forget about it, escape and just have fun with the guys even though we were supposedly 'dead'.
But then, I hurt Crow -- and how this even started in the first place. [ 'Mollymauk -- it must have been -- it matches -- Stop it --' ] I think... the only reason why Molly and Caleb don't hate this body for what it did, is because, I talked my way out of it. With Molly. [ 'Aren't I just -- running away? -- If we could forget what happened -- ]
...I'm glad, for you though. Sounds like you have good friends, Riku.
I do. It took me a long time... to realize that. It took me a long time to figure out how to not ruin that. I haven't even started yet. To... be the friend that they deserve, the one they've been to me all this time.
...I think Molly and Caleb just understand more than you think. I know I asked you once whether your past and who you were really mattered. It was before... Well, Roxas was like that, too. He couldn't figure out where he came from, who he was. We put him in a digital town to keep him until he could finally rejoin with Sora instead of trying to tell him. It... wasn't exactly the right thing to do. He was angry.
I can't blame him. So I don't think it's bad you wanted to know. Knowing... lets you look ahead, right? Instead of always having to look at the past.
You really live a way wilder life in reality, huh? [ Instead of just going to the same school for a million years. There's so much frustrated confusion in him, trying to really figure it out. 'Who am I? What am I?' ]
I really appreciate the thought, I just... Well, I think Molly understands. Maybe. Caleb, I dunno. But Beau's right to be pissed, I think.
...
Is it really better? I don't know what to do about the future yet, and my past -- there's plenty from my past that I want to get back to... like, before Risu died. [ 'What do they call those, the good old days? Nah, sounds lame...' ]
[Like? No fucking fourteen-fifteen year olds should have had to do the shit they did? Hello? At all? But it's fine. IT'S FINE.]
Beauregard is... really protective of the people she cares about. They're important to her, so she'll... be upset.
[...]
You don't have to worry about the future right now, but that doesn't mean you can't face forward. I get it. I spent a long time thinking about... how things use to be. I spent so much time wanting to get off our island, and now I'm wishing things were as simple as they had been when we spent all day doing nothing on it.
[ IT'S FINE.... TEENAGE SUFFERING IS THE BREAD AND BUTTER OF JRPG.... ]
Right, yeah. [ He sighs a little. 'It's too complicated...' ] So I guess... just for now, try to focus on -- I guess, getting out of here? Figuring out the answer to this story? That's the only clear thing right now.
Yeah. We could use your help. You all have your stuff to worry about there. The keys, I mean. Let's get through right now before we look any further ahead.
[It's not mad, just exasperated a little. This is how he feels with all of Fall Dorm usual. Which is funny.]
We're still going to worry about all of you. It's... not only me. There are a lot of people here who wouldn't accept getting out of here without the rest of you.
I'm not going to try changing their minds. But... I also can't.
[ All of Fall Dorm just keeps giving Riku a hard time and it's really funny, I hope y'all living Falls getting along!!! ]
I know, that's not what I meant. I'm just saying, is all... we really don't have it any worse than you guys. Better, even. Not as much scary worry about getting assimilated if the killing thing's to be believed...
[ ...Gah!! There's a soft bonk sound on the other end of the phone, like he just put his forehead against the wall. ] I'm just trying to give you one less thing to worry about, okay? Damn.
[The problem is they get along!!!!!!!!! TOO WELL! Like FAMILY! ALL OF THEM! And then they turn around and (GESTURES AT CYOAS ANGRILY)]
Yeah, but we don't know if... or how long... it'd take you to get back. If you could even get back. Just because you aren't dealing with anything there doesn't mean it isn't scary.
[ No, we suffer together. But also I'm laughing at you DO THE OTHER MODS JUST PICK THE FALLS ON CYOA TO BULLY YOU, IS IT JUST RIKU CRYING IN A CORNER WHILE RNG KEEPS PICKING FALLS. ]
Yeah? Well... who's the one who's been telling me to look forward, huh? That means optimism doesn't it. Or, what the hell's a suitably stupid and shallow reason -- got a baseball game to catch?
[ A little mockingly, but really only for himself. ]
[ RIKU YOUR SUFFERING. And yet it's still not as bad as Annie... ]
That's what I meant, nerd. Since you won't do one unless I'm there for it.
...
If, you know. I count. Though either way, I would've rather you just played and had fun anyway. Don't like it when people are sad, even less if it's 'cause of me.
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Being someone different is scary. [He'll admit that. But (looks at KH2 haha).] It's not... the first time I've been someone else.
I was scared then, too. Of what my friends would think if they saw me the way I was.
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I guess so. Well. At least you can say 'was', right?
What happened on Sunday, it wasn't -- [ Cutting off briefly, a sharp inhale. ] I'm not scared of what people think of me, you know. I never cared, not as far as I remember. But I know what and who I like, and I'm afraid they're gonna get hurt.
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[Aikawa switched into a magic anti, and he had a make-over into Ansem. It's fine.]
I was still like that, too. Not only did I look different, but... I worried they're get hurt because of me.
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You know, this is some pretty shitty stuff to relate on. [ Weak joke. ]
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I guess we all maybe... are a little scared of the darkest parts of ourselves. But... I'm kind of tired of being afraid all the time. I want to learn how to master the darkness.
Which I guess means learning to admit there's darkness inside of me at all.
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'Who am I? Do I really exist? Am I more than just a body? I don't want to face it. What is it all trying to say? What is he trying to say? Do I have to face it?' ]
... I don't think it's something I can control, Riku... not unless I -- I mean.
[ 'I've had enough... just let me...' ]
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Don't give up.
[It doesn't sound like platitudes really. It's earnest, believed. Don't give up, or give in.]
Everyone is made up of three things: a body, a soul, and a heart. [Well, in Kungdam Hats lore anyway.] Sora lost his heart once. When that happens, you turn into a Heartless, but if your heart is strong enough, you also create a Nobody. That's your body without its heart.
Sora also lost his memories because he had split into so many separate pieces... and other reasons, but don't worry about that. Anyway, I had to help Sora become whole again. Sora and his Nobody had to be reunited. Because, in the end, they're pieces of the same person even if they're both their own person, too.
His Nobody resisted for a long time.
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Now I am OOCly familiar with this lore but ICly, there is a mildly long pause over the phone again. Not like, just silence though, but more in the 'Brazilian Math Lady Vibes' to keep up with this. The words 'body' and 'heart' were just said so many times. ]
...Memories? Uh... but that's -- [ '...Which one am I?' ]
Did his Nobody hurt people?
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I hate more when Fall Dorm just keeps reminding him of things that happened.]
In a way, I guess. But not... intentionally. [It's PG, wow.] He was a part of an organization of Nobodies who were trying to capture hearts.
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Right...
...Sora's your best friend, right? Would he still be if his Nobody was someone real bad? Like, if he killed you?
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Sora will always be Sora, whether he had a Nobody or not. So... yeah. Sora would still be my best friend. I couldn't hold that against Sora. But I guess you should really be asking Sora that question, not me. Sora's Nobody had a body of his own. Roxas came from Sora, but he's his own person, too.
It isn't like me... when I let Ansem possess me. When Ansem used my own body to try to hurt my friends. I was sure Sora and Kairi hated me after that. Who wouldn't?
But... they didn't. They still tried to look for me. They still considered me their friend.
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I ignored it. On purpose. 'Cause, in a way, it let me live life the way I wanted. Even though I -- I knew. Even this school, I thought... I woke up in the daycare, didn't have any headaches for what, two weeks? That's some kind of record. No nightmares, too. I thought I could just forget about it, escape and just have fun with the guys even though we were supposedly 'dead'.
But then, I hurt Crow -- and how this even started in the first place. [ 'Mollymauk -- it must have been -- it matches -- Stop it --' ] I think... the only reason why Molly and Caleb don't hate this body for what it did, is because, I talked my way out of it. With Molly. [ 'Aren't I just -- running away? -- If we could forget what happened -- ]
...I'm glad, for you though. Sounds like you have good friends, Riku.
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I do. It took me a long time... to realize that. It took me a long time to figure out how to not ruin that. I haven't even started yet. To... be the friend that they deserve, the one they've been to me all this time.
...I think Molly and Caleb just understand more than you think. I know I asked you once whether your past and who you were really mattered. It was before... Well, Roxas was like that, too. He couldn't figure out where he came from, who he was. We put him in a digital town to keep him until he could finally rejoin with Sora instead of trying to tell him. It... wasn't exactly the right thing to do. He was angry.
I can't blame him. So I don't think it's bad you wanted to know. Knowing... lets you look ahead, right? Instead of always having to look at the past.
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I really appreciate the thought, I just... Well, I think Molly understands. Maybe. Caleb, I dunno. But Beau's right to be pissed, I think.
...
Is it really better? I don't know what to do about the future yet, and my past -- there's plenty from my past that I want to get back to... like, before Risu died. [ 'What do they call those, the good old days? Nah, sounds lame...' ]
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[Like? No fucking fourteen-fifteen year olds should have had to do the shit they did? Hello? At all? But it's fine. IT'S FINE.]
Beauregard is... really protective of the people she cares about. They're important to her, so she'll... be upset.
[...]
You don't have to worry about the future right now, but that doesn't mean you can't face forward. I get it. I spent a long time thinking about... how things use to be. I spent so much time wanting to get off our island, and now I'm wishing things were as simple as they had been when we spent all day doing nothing on it.
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Right, yeah. [ He sighs a little. 'It's too complicated...' ] So I guess... just for now, try to focus on -- I guess, getting out of here? Figuring out the answer to this story? That's the only clear thing right now.
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Yeah. We could use your help. You all have your stuff to worry about there. The keys, I mean. Let's get through right now before we look any further ahead.
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Either way, not much to worry about in the Daycare. Living have it way more rough, probably. Don't even worry about us.
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[It's not mad, just exasperated a little. This is how he feels with all of Fall Dorm usual. Which is funny.]
We're still going to worry about all of you. It's... not only me. There are a lot of people here who wouldn't accept getting out of here without the rest of you.
I'm not going to try changing their minds. But... I also can't.
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I know, that's not what I meant. I'm just saying, is all... we really don't have it any worse than you guys. Better, even. Not as much scary worry about getting assimilated if the killing thing's to be believed...
[ ...Gah!! There's a soft bonk sound on the other end of the phone, like he just put his forehead against the wall. ] I'm just trying to give you one less thing to worry about, okay? Damn.
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Yeah, but we don't know if... or how long... it'd take you to get back. If you could even get back. Just because you aren't dealing with anything there doesn't mean it isn't scary.
[For... them... really. Let him live.]
...I know. But I worry anyway.
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Yeah? Well... who's the one who's been telling me to look forward, huh? That means optimism doesn't it. Or, what the hell's a suitably stupid and shallow reason -- got a baseball game to catch?
[ A little mockingly, but really only for himself. ]
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...tch. [The noise is half-hearted. Look, he can say that, but doesn't have to follow his own advice.] No, we're not using that one.
[THE BASEBALL GAME.]
Everyone tried to get me to play a game for you, but... it didn't feel right.
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That's what I meant, nerd. Since you won't do one unless I'm there for it.
...
If, you know. I count. Though either way, I would've rather you just played and had fun anyway. Don't like it when people are sad, even less if it's 'cause of me.
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Not a chance. You wanted a game. You think I'm not going to rub your nose in a lose?
[They were supposed to be on the same team!!!!!! lmao idiot]
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