[We did not consider this yet, but I will say sure, it works sometimes.]
I get it. I don't think anything triggers ours, so I can't tell you maybe something triggers it. Maybe it... just happens. And then it takes something else to bring you back.
Any clues on what that something else is? I was uh... I listened to Bradley and Rupert both talk about the people most important to them. [ 'Nero... Amir...' ] I feel like I know way too much about their interests now, but I guess if it's for the better.
It's... sort of the same for us. I don't know about the others, Iris, Annie, or Hugo, but I heard it was similar. To bring us back, everyone has been talking to us about our real selves.
Reminded us of who we are, people we care about.
...
Yeah, I think so? She grabbed me and Mandricardo for a selfie. Mandricardo said something about Bradley, though.
Oh, then I guess she got it. Though, hope she isn't just trying to send it over text or something, I haven't tried but I'm gonna guess we don't get those 'cause nobody else mentioned it happening.
I just asked for it so Bradley can have it. I'm kind of starting to feel like, you know, words aren't gonna be enough at some point.
You can say 'it's really screwed up and all the writers are a bunch of blockheads', it's okay to swear. [ 'Cause he's banned from the fuck word. ]
Being someone who forgot who I was for a while, I do really get it. But at least I knew I'd forgotten it...
...
I think you -- or, I guess it's not you. Luke said to me really early on, something about whether it was actually better to learn who you really are. Something like that?
Good job. [ A half-spirited laugh. There's gotta be some humour in that. ]
Can't say I haven't wondered. I'm glad to be awake. And I'm not Caiman. Not anymore... [ Finally, some admittance. ] That's what all of this is, isn't it?
Whether it's better to go back to our happier selves who didn't know anything... or not.
[ Date a nice boy who will teach you the fuck word Riku!!! Let him smooch!!! ]
I guess so. Well. At least you can say 'was', right?
What happened on Sunday, it wasn't -- [ Cutting off briefly, a sharp inhale. ] I'm not scared of what people think of me, you know. I never cared, not as far as I remember. But I know what and who I like, and I'm afraid they're gonna get hurt.
Yeah... Don't feel bad, [this does not help in the slightest:] almost everyone else in the dorm relates to me in this way somehow.
I guess we all maybe... are a little scared of the darkest parts of ourselves. But... I'm kind of tired of being afraid all the time. I want to learn how to master the darkness.
Which I guess means learning to admit there's darkness inside of me at all.
[ Nerd. There's a logn silence here, quiet. A uncertainty, and staticky thoughts.
'Who am I? Do I really exist? Am I more than just a body? I don't want to face it. What is it all trying to say? What is he trying to say? Do I have to face it?' ]
... I don't think it's something I can control, Riku... not unless I -- I mean.
[Hm. No wonder this dude got shoved into Fall Dorm.]
Don't give up.
[It doesn't sound like platitudes really. It's earnest, believed. Don't give up, or give in.]
Everyone is made up of three things: a body, a soul, and a heart. [Well, in Kungdam Hats lore anyway.] Sora lost his heart once. When that happens, you turn into a Heartless, but if your heart is strong enough, you also create a Nobody. That's your body without its heart.
Sora also lost his memories because he had split into so many separate pieces... and other reasons, but don't worry about that. Anyway, I had to help Sora become whole again. Sora and his Nobody had to be reunited. Because, in the end, they're pieces of the same person even if they're both their own person, too.
[ My assumption is that Fall Dorm is just Sad Nerds. ALSO GOD, KUNGDOM HATZ??? I read this tag and stopped at that word and had to walk away for an appointment and came back and I'm still not over it.
Now I am OOCly familiar with this lore but ICly, there is a mildly long pause over the phone again. Not like, just silence though, but more in the 'Brazilian Math Lady Vibes' to keep up with this. The words 'body' and 'heart' were just said so many times. ]
...Memories? Uh... but that's -- [ '...Which one am I?' ]
[Oh. Hate this. He's quiet for a long moment or two. Roxas could have, he thinks. If I hadn't used the darkness, maybe I would be dead.]
Sora will always be Sora, whether he had a Nobody or not. So... yeah. Sora would still be my best friend. I couldn't hold that against Sora. But I guess you should really be asking Sora that question, not me. Sora's Nobody had a body of his own. Roxas came from Sora, but he's his own person, too.
It isn't like me... when I let Ansem possess me. When Ansem used my own body to try to hurt my friends. I was sure Sora and Kairi hated me after that. Who wouldn't?
But... they didn't. They still tried to look for me. They still considered me their friend.
I think I'm more like you than the Sora kid, then. It's not a totally different body. It's still me. Though I don't really know where or how it all started...
I ignored it. On purpose. 'Cause, in a way, it let me live life the way I wanted. Even though I -- I knew. Even this school, I thought... I woke up in the daycare, didn't have any headaches for what, two weeks? That's some kind of record. No nightmares, too. I thought I could just forget about it, escape and just have fun with the guys even though we were supposedly 'dead'.
But then, I hurt Crow -- and how this even started in the first place. [ 'Mollymauk -- it must have been -- it matches -- Stop it --' ] I think... the only reason why Molly and Caleb don't hate this body for what it did, is because, I talked my way out of it. With Molly. [ 'Aren't I just -- running away? -- If we could forget what happened -- ]
...I'm glad, for you though. Sounds like you have good friends, Riku.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Yeah. No funny business here. Can I assume I'm speaking to Riku too, and not some other guy?
no subject
Yeah, it's Riku. Uh... for now, I guess.
no subject
... ]
Sorry about all the trouble the last weekend. I feel like I know what it's like. Probably.
no subject
It's okay. Did you... go on the trip, but not come back? Or...? You were, uh... some one different.
[Wow. Samesies.]
no subject
It's, uh...
[ Quiet, a hesitation. Does thoughtshare work over phones I'm crying. ]
Yeah. That sounds about right. It was only for a short time, which is good, but.
...I thought I was free of all that shit. Wasn't having any nightmares... or headaches, not until Sunday.
no subject
I get it. I don't think anything triggers ours, so I can't tell you maybe something triggers it. Maybe it... just happens. And then it takes something else to bring you back.
no subject
Any clues on what that something else is? I was uh... I listened to Bradley and Rupert both talk about the people most important to them. [ 'Nero... Amir...' ] I feel like I know way too much about their interests now, but I guess if it's for the better.
...Did Mabel hit you up, about the photo?
no subject
Reminded us of who we are, people we care about.
...
Yeah, I think so? She grabbed me and Mandricardo for a selfie. Mandricardo said something about Bradley, though.
no subject
I just asked for it so Bradley can have it. I'm kind of starting to feel like, you know, words aren't gonna be enough at some point.
no subject
[Guess he'll find out.]
I know. I'm... worried.
no subject
Being someone who forgot who I was for a while, I do really get it. But at least I knew I'd forgotten it...
...
I think you -- or, I guess it's not you. Luke said to me really early on, something about whether it was actually better to learn who you really are. Something like that?
no subject
[Listen,,]
Did you ever figure it out? If it was better to find out who you really might be, or whether it's better just not knowing...?
no subject
Can't say I haven't wondered. I'm glad to be awake. And I'm not Caiman. Not anymore... [ Finally, some admittance. ] That's what all of this is, isn't it?
Whether it's better to go back to our happier selves who didn't know anything... or not.
I'm a little scared, I think. 'Cause of Sunday.
no subject
Being someone different is scary. [He'll admit that. But (looks at KH2 haha).] It's not... the first time I've been someone else.
I was scared then, too. Of what my friends would think if they saw me the way I was.
no subject
I guess so. Well. At least you can say 'was', right?
What happened on Sunday, it wasn't -- [ Cutting off briefly, a sharp inhale. ] I'm not scared of what people think of me, you know. I never cared, not as far as I remember. But I know what and who I like, and I'm afraid they're gonna get hurt.
no subject
[Aikawa switched into a magic anti, and he had a make-over into Ansem. It's fine.]
I was still like that, too. Not only did I look different, but... I worried they're get hurt because of me.
no subject
You know, this is some pretty shitty stuff to relate on. [ Weak joke. ]
no subject
I guess we all maybe... are a little scared of the darkest parts of ourselves. But... I'm kind of tired of being afraid all the time. I want to learn how to master the darkness.
Which I guess means learning to admit there's darkness inside of me at all.
no subject
'Who am I? Do I really exist? Am I more than just a body? I don't want to face it. What is it all trying to say? What is he trying to say? Do I have to face it?' ]
... I don't think it's something I can control, Riku... not unless I -- I mean.
[ 'I've had enough... just let me...' ]
no subject
Don't give up.
[It doesn't sound like platitudes really. It's earnest, believed. Don't give up, or give in.]
Everyone is made up of three things: a body, a soul, and a heart. [Well, in Kungdam Hats lore anyway.] Sora lost his heart once. When that happens, you turn into a Heartless, but if your heart is strong enough, you also create a Nobody. That's your body without its heart.
Sora also lost his memories because he had split into so many separate pieces... and other reasons, but don't worry about that. Anyway, I had to help Sora become whole again. Sora and his Nobody had to be reunited. Because, in the end, they're pieces of the same person even if they're both their own person, too.
His Nobody resisted for a long time.
no subject
Now I am OOCly familiar with this lore but ICly, there is a mildly long pause over the phone again. Not like, just silence though, but more in the 'Brazilian Math Lady Vibes' to keep up with this. The words 'body' and 'heart' were just said so many times. ]
...Memories? Uh... but that's -- [ '...Which one am I?' ]
Did his Nobody hurt people?
no subject
I hate more when Fall Dorm just keeps reminding him of things that happened.]
In a way, I guess. But not... intentionally. [It's PG, wow.] He was a part of an organization of Nobodies who were trying to capture hearts.
no subject
Right...
...Sora's your best friend, right? Would he still be if his Nobody was someone real bad? Like, if he killed you?
no subject
Sora will always be Sora, whether he had a Nobody or not. So... yeah. Sora would still be my best friend. I couldn't hold that against Sora. But I guess you should really be asking Sora that question, not me. Sora's Nobody had a body of his own. Roxas came from Sora, but he's his own person, too.
It isn't like me... when I let Ansem possess me. When Ansem used my own body to try to hurt my friends. I was sure Sora and Kairi hated me after that. Who wouldn't?
But... they didn't. They still tried to look for me. They still considered me their friend.
no subject
I ignored it. On purpose. 'Cause, in a way, it let me live life the way I wanted. Even though I -- I knew. Even this school, I thought... I woke up in the daycare, didn't have any headaches for what, two weeks? That's some kind of record. No nightmares, too. I thought I could just forget about it, escape and just have fun with the guys even though we were supposedly 'dead'.
But then, I hurt Crow -- and how this even started in the first place. [ 'Mollymauk -- it must have been -- it matches -- Stop it --' ] I think... the only reason why Molly and Caleb don't hate this body for what it did, is because, I talked my way out of it. With Molly. [ 'Aren't I just -- running away? -- If we could forget what happened -- ]
...I'm glad, for you though. Sounds like you have good friends, Riku.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)